Quicksilver
by floorplanhobo
Summary: After a student is gruesomely murdered on campus, Clare Edwards finds herself trying to extract information from the only person who might know the truth. But is secretive English major Eli Goldsworthy just a witness? Or is he the culprit? AU
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. This story idea belongs to marieloveseclare. Thanks to arctic_grey for writing **_**The Black Rose Season**_** and being a writing inspiration.**

**Author's note: Well, here we go again. Prologue's short and may be a tad confusing, but it's because this is set in the future (of this fic). Chapter 1 is the true "start" of the fic. Will be posted on July 1****st****, hopefully!**

_**Rated M for violence, language, mature situations, sexual content, drug use, infidelity, and all that stuff your parents warned you about. **_

"_To me it just felt like six or seven seconds, but I guess we went coast to coast.  
>To me he didn't seem all that holy, but I guess he might have been that ghost."<em>

_**Arms and Hearts | The Hold Steady**_

She can't cry anymore. Her eyes are dry and so is her heart, and there's nothing she can do about it. The betrayal is burning her alive and yet, she keeps looking at the photographs. Maybe she _is _a masochist.

Clare grabs one of the polaroids and sighs sadly when she sees Eli's surprised face looking back at her. He was caught off guard and the smile on his lips is incredibly genuine and Clare wants to laugh at the irony of it. Truth in a snapshot.

She tosses that photo away and picks up one where she is posing with Imogen, both of them sticking their tongues at the camera. Eli took this picture while intoxicated, so it's a bit blurry. But the happiness in Clare's face is noticeable, and Imogen looks thrilled, her arms wrapped around Clare. A photo of Drew and Adam kissing Clare on the cheeks, one of Zane smiling at her, one of Fiona unenthusiastically holding a can of Coke. They were her friends.

But now they're not.

"Everything is so messed up," mutters Clare as she stares at the pile of photographs in front of her, the pictures covering up most of her comforter. She's still wearing pajamas and she's aware that she looks pathetic, but the hurt won't let her get out of bed.

Another photo catches Clare's eye and she touches it with a heavy heart. Two eyes, one blue and one green, are staring straight at the camera. Clare remembers when she took that picture, her temple resting on Eli's. It was the beginning of everything, and also the end of everything.

Because she fell in love with him, and she shouldn't have. She never wanted this to happen, not like this. And when she got involved in this she never expected for everything to fall apart like it did.

That was her mistake, falling for him. She fought against it, she kept telling herself that it wasn't worth it, that she became Eli's friend to help Jake, but that went out the window the first moment their eyes met.

Huge mistake.

But it's the last photo the one that breaks Clare apart. Eli is kissing her in it, their lips fused and their cheeks flushed, and it seems like such a distant memory. Clare's hair is messy, and so is Eli's, and she can't help but think that the state of their hair mirrors how she felt when they took that picture. How she feels right now.

She tries not to think about Eli's lips on hers, about his warm skin against hers, and she certainly does not want to think about _that _night. She tries to forget how his fingers used to slide between hers, their fingers intertwined tightly, and the smirk that would follow.

Everything in the room reminds her of _him_, and she feels sick. Clare wants _him_ to call her, to tell her that things were taken out of context, that he never lied, that he was honest. That they need to forgive each other. That they can make it work somehow.

But Clare knows that she's lying to herself, that Eli will never call her back because he never loved her, he only used her. Yes, she kind of used him too, but it was only to… No, there is no justification for the amount of betrayal that happened between them.

The tattoo on her wrist is almost scorching her skin, and she starts crying again. She didn't know that it was possible for her tear ducts to flow again, but then again, she doesn't know anything anymore.

There's a knock at the door and Clare wipes her tears away hastily. She told Alli to stay away, but she knows that she might be worried. She tries to push away the thoughts of Eli, and she gets out of bed slowly.

More frantic knocking, and Clare tries to fix her hair and clothing, maybe she can look a bit presentable. Not that she cares too much. The world can be a witness of her misery, go ahead.

Clare opens the door and a surprised gasp escapes her, not expecting this visitor. Cold eyes and a treacherous smile greet her, but Clare doesn't even have time to say a thing.

Because unexpectedly, suddenly, something hits the side of her head and darkness engulfs her.

"_What does it mean? Why did you pick this?"_

"_Because it's infinite. It represents infinity. Forever."_

"_Do you believe in forever?"_

_He looks at her, his eyes warm, and he simply smiles. _

"_I do now." _

Pain. Pain, pain, and more pain.

Clare can't see a thing. She's blindfolded, and she can't scream either because somebody stuffed a sock in her mouth. Her face is pressed against the cold concrete and her hands are tied behind her back, and she can't move. She's going to die, and she is scared.

Maybe she trusted the wrong people all along.

Clare wants to speak out, but she obviously can't. Her hair is soaked in something, and it smells like iron and salt. She knows that it's blood, and she wonders if the wound in her head is serious enough to kill her.

"_This kid is going to end up fucking with your head."_ The sock in her mouth muffles Clare's hysterical giggle as she remembers Darcy's words, and the pain in her head increases.

"Clare Edwards, you look so pathetic right now."

Chills run up and down Clare's spine as she recognizes the voice, and she can't believe it. She wants to throw up, she wants to scream, and she wants to cry. But she can't do a thing. The smell of weed takes control of Clare's nostrils and she feels more nauseous than before.

"I would offer you some, but I know that you don't like it." A pause that lasts an eternity, and Clare feels even more afraid. "People trusted you. Fuck, they did. I never trusted you, though. I knew your game all along, but I just waited patiently until everything fell apart."

Clare hears someone coughing in the background, followed by a loud groan. The echo of footsteps is the only audible thing now, and Clare's heartbeats speed up.

"Fuck." The voice is so close to Clare, she can almost feel the body heat. "He's dying. Your man is dying. Oh, well."

Clare feels terrified at those words, because she's not the only one in danger. She just keeps hurting the people around her, and _he_ might die because of her. Her stupid mistakes.

"When Sadie found out all this stuff about me, I freaked out." The cold laugh makes Clare's heart freeze but she keeps waiting for the confession. "So I had to kill her, obviously. It was very easy; she kept opening her big mouth… such a stupid dork. She kept making hints that she belonged to our lovely secret society and that kind of pissed me off. It didn't bother me at all, killing her. After all, I've killed before."

The truth at last, but it doesn't make things any easier. Clare is about to die, no doubt about it, and her last thoughts will consist of nothing but regret and guilt.

"Sorry, Clare. I don't want to kill you but I don't really have a choice. To quote good old Chuck: '_All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.'_ Well, you got boring, and I'm pretty much God right now. Goodbye."

Clare feels the barrel of the gun pressed against the back of her neck, and it feels cold and rusty. She wonders if it's the same gun that killed Sadie, and she can feel the tears rolling down her cheeks. She never wanted to end up like this. Her life flashes through her mind, and for some reason, the past few months are the most vivid moments.

And her thoughts stop in the exact moment when she fell in love with Eli Goldsworthy.


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. This story idea belongs to marieloveseclare. Thanks to arctic_grey for writing **_**The Black Rose Season**_** and being a writing inspiration.**

**Author's note: Thank you SO much for the response! I'm pretty excited about writing this. Remember, the prologue was set in the future of this fic, and this is the **_**official**_** start. Also, this is Eclare all the way, but the Cake in this is necessary. Sorry. **

**Set four months before the prologue. **

"_I know who you are, don't know who you're not. I don't dare ask."_

_**Cryptomnesia | Cold War Kids**_

_Someone is following her, swiftly, effortlessly. _

_Someone grabs her by the wrist and pulls her in. Lips clash, hungry and eager. _

_They pull away from each other, the night surrounding them both. _

_Clare holds her breath as she pulls the man closer to her._

"Claaaaaaaaaaaaaaare!"

Clare opens her eyes quickly, and screams at the sight of one of her best friends. Jake Martin is leaning in, all smiles, and he starts chuckling at Clare's reaction.

"What are you doing here?" she squeals, grabbing the covers and covering herself with them. She knows that she's blushing, but hey, that's how Jake makes her feel. Yes, they have been best friends for years, and she _sortofkindof_ has a crush on him. A tiny crush. Nothing major. Right.

"Doing my job," shrugs Jake smugly. "New semester, Clare-darling! I promised your dad I would make sure you got to school safely, now that you have your own apartment and everything."

"I have Alli, thank you very much," says Clare, thinking of her cheerful roommate. "Wait... Alli was the one who let you in. Ugh!"

"She was on her way out when I got here," says Jake. "She had to go meet Drew before class, I think."

Jake laughs merrily, his smile reaching his eyes, and Clare feels lost.

"And my dad really needs to start minding his own business," huffs Clare, crossing her arms. "I'm 20 years old!"

"Well, after what happened to Sadie Rowland, I don't blame your dad," sighs Jake.

Clare says nothing as she remembers the gruesome on-campus murder that shook the university, at the end of last semester. Freshman Sadie Rowland was found stabbed, beaten up, with a bullet lodged in the back of her neck. A lot of conspiracy theories were muttered, but the police didn't get any leads and the case got stuck.

Jake wrote several pieces about it for the school newspaper, but after finals, people just lost interest in it. The only reminder of the tragic event is the reinforcement of security around campus, and a slight drop in applications. Other than that, people seem to have erased the incident from their minds. At least that's what Clare got from looking at Facerange and Twitter updates from fellow classmates and friends during the break.

_Sadie who?_

"I wonder if the murderer is a student," mumbles Clare absentmindedly for the thousandth time.

"Whoever it was, he or she is on the loose," says Jake darkly. "Hey, you know I would love to discuss this _yet again_, but you're going to be late for your first class."

Clare glances at her alarm clock and raises an eyebrow at Jake. "My first class starts in three hours!" she protests, and Jake presses a finger against Clare's lips. Well, hello, this is quite nice.

"I thought we could have breakfast first, and I kind of wanted to introduce you to the new editor," winks Jake. "Maybe she'll convince you to write something for us. You're so talented."

Clare just can't say no to Jake, it's not in her system. She feels like her insides are turning into mush, and she caves in. "You're so nice," she says sarcastically.

"Of course," says Jake, standing up. "I'll always be nice to you because you're my favorite girl."

"Get out," giggles Clare, throwing a pillow at him, and Jake holds his hands in the air as he backs away, moving closer to the door.

"This aggressiveness, I can't stand it!" he says mockingly, and leaves the room. Clare keeps smiling, but all of a sudden, the thoughts of Sadie Rowland and her interrupted dream haunt her, and she has no idea why.

**xxxxxx**

"You have sugar on your lips," says Jake softly as they exit the cafe, and Clare wipes it away with her sleeve quickly, embarrassed.

"I like the new headband," comments Jake casually as he toys with the buttons of his jacket. Red and brown leaves are on the ground, which makes Clare happy. She loves this season, she loves the cold weather, and most of all, she loves spending time with Jake.

It's the first day of the semester, and maybe _this _will be the semester when Jake will finally make a move. Maybe he will see that those girls he has been chasing are nothing compared to Clare, that she's the only one for him.

"Hey, Jake!" calls a pretty blonde, and Jake waves back.

_Or not_, Clare thinks bitterly.

"Come on, Clare," says Jake, offering his arm to her. Clare blushes as they link their arms and they walk around campus before heading to the newsroom. They talk about their winter break, and Jake smiles and laughs every time Clare says something mildly interesting.

Their friendship is simple and not complicated at all, and Clare likes that. Okay, maybe the fact that she is crushing on him complicates it a little, but the only one who knows about that is Alli. As long as Jake doesn't find out, everything will be okay.

"Martin!" barks a pretty redhead as soon as they walk into the newsroom.

"Holly J, ma'am," says Jake sheepishly, letting go of Clare's arm.

"You're late! We're having our first meeting and as managing editor you should be here _on time_!" Holly J says angrily, and then stops to look at Clare.

Clare has seen Holly J before, she used to be the news editor, and Jake would make fun of her behavior all the time, amusing Clare with his perfect impression.

"_She's _the new editor-in-chief," says Jake from the corner of his lips.

"Oh," muses Clare.

"I just wanted you to meet Clare Edwards," says Jake coquettishly, and some of Holly J's defenses seem to fall apart. "She's a brilliant writer."

"So she's not the flavor of the month?" says Holly J scathingly, her expression cold again.

"She's my best friend," says Jake happily, putting his arm around Clare.

"That is beautiful and all, but you're wasting my _freaking_ time!" snaps Holly J. "Your point?"

"Do we have any openings?" asks Jake.

"Jake, no-" interjects Clare, but Jake ignores her.

"Not at the moment, no, and- Anya! What the hell do you think you're doing?" bellows Holly J, her eyes directed at the back of the room. She turns to look at Clare and Jake, both of them taking a few steps back. "Be right back."

Holly J stomps away, still yelling at the top of her lungs, and Jake starts laughing. "It will be a fun semester," he grins, and then points at a minuscule desk in a corner. "I get my own desk now!"

"You're managing editor," says Clare in awe. "I didn't know that."

"After writing all those stories about Sadie, I got offered the position," says Jake, not able to hide his smugness. "Who knew writing about a dead chick would help promote me? Plus, I wanted to surprise you. Come and look at my desk."

They walk over to the desk and Jake makes jokes about the size of it, which Clare promptly ignores. She looks at the mail tray and she grabs an envelope sitting on top of it.

"You have mail already," she says, waving the envelope in front of Jake.

"Give me that," teases Jake, snatching the envelope from her. "Oh, it is for me. First day back and I'm already important."

Jake opens the envelope lazily as Clare looks around the newsroom, and she can't help but think that the room is too small for a staff of twenty. She could see herself writing for them, but not in this environment. Everyone is running around, yelling at each other, and it's just the beginning of the semester. No, thank you.

"Fuck," mutters Jake, and Clare turns to look at him, surprised. Jake rarely curses, and he's staring at the papers in his hand in complete shock.

"What's-" starts Clare, but Jake holds a hand up to silence her.

"It's about Sadie... wow." Jake hands the papers to Clare, who looks at them in interest, reading the messy writing. There's a circle sketched on top of the page and words such as _Aeon_, _Charmer_ and others scribbled around it.

_Sadie Rowland belonged to Acuity. _

_Acuity was the end of Sadie. _

_Aeon knows something._

_Foxy knows everything. _

_But Quicksilver is everything. _

_And the one who knows everything is El-_

Jake takes the papers away from Clare, shaking with excitement. "I wonder who left this," whispers Jake, his eyes eagerly rereading the page.

"Jake, you have to hand this in," says Clare cautiously. "You have to give this to the police."

"Please, two months have passed since Sadie was killed and they're not any closer to the truth," snorts Jake. "Someone wants me to write this. Someone wants me to find Sadie's killer."

"You're not a detective, you're a journalist," says Clare sternly.

"Don't be a killjoy," says Jake, rolling his eyes. "I wonder what this means. I wonder if it has a anything to do with the _rumored _secret society."

"Secret society?" asks Clare quizzically.

"Those rumors have always been around," says Jake, waving his hand around impatiently. "But after Sadie's death, when I started doing my research, they became stronger. So, I don't know."

"Jake, you're going to get hurt," protests Clare. "In case you forgot, Sadie got killed. Just hand it in, please."

Jake stares at her blankly, not saying a word. Why must he be so stubborn?

"Martin!"

Jake looks away, and Holly J glaring at them, the writers surrounding her almost shaking with fear. "Meeting is about to start!" she says impatiently.

"Can't walk you to class, but I'll meet you after it," says Jake, his smile reappearing. "I have to take care of you, Clare."

"Take care of _yourself_ first," says Clare crossly; she holds on to her bag as she walks away, cursing Jake Martin and his penchant for adventure.

**xxxxxxx**

She shouldn't have left the newsroom like that, but Jake was getting on her nerves. Clare glances at her watch as she waits in the hallway, students already lining up outside the classroom. Although English is just her minor, she still needs to take several English-related classes. She's actually excited about her World Literature class, and wonders what kind of books they will read.

A boy with bright green eyes and messy black hair is standing across the hall from Clare, his back resting against the wall. He's reading _Fight Club _and seems deeply concentrated in the book, not blinking at all. Clare has seen him around campus, and they had a class together during her freshman year. He's always withdrawn, usually doodling on his fingernails with a marker or reading some obscure Palahniuk novel. She has also heard some rumors about him, but Clare's not the gossiping type.

He seems like the kind of guy you should be afraid of, for some reason.

Clare feels intrigued by him, wondering if he's hiding any secrets behind his green eyes. Not that Clare has stared at him before, no, no way. She's just curious by nature, and there's something about him that makes Clare want to figure him out. SHe tries to remember his name, but her memory fails her miserably, so she just gives up.

The (presumably) older boy sighs and looks up, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. He gnaws on his lower lip impatiently, and Clare is mesmerized by the sight. And then he glances at her.

His eyes are filled with some sort of recognition but he looks away quickly, not giving Clare the time to offer him a smile. His mouth is twitching as he looks away, and Clare wonders what's so funny about what's going on. If there's _something_ going on. Whatever, he seems like one of those pretentious art majors she dislikes so much, she has no time for this.

And suddenly, hell breaks loose.

"Eli Goldsworthy!" Clare jumps as an enraged guy comes out of nowhere, lunging himself at Eli. A scuffle ensues, and students rush over to see the fight, feeling like high school all over again.

"You… fucking… _asshole_…" the other boy breathes, and Zane Park reaches out for the back of the guy's jacket. Zane is the president of one of the fraternities on campus, and Clare is surprised to see him getting involved in this.

"Dave, Dave, let go of him," says Zane peacefully, holding Dave back. Dave looks familiar to Clare, and she frowns as she tries to remember if she has seen him before, and where.

Eli stands up, his expression tired, and he brushes dust off his clothes. His lower lip is bleeding profusely but Eli doesn't attempt to brush off the blood. He just stares at Dave blankly, as if waiting for Dave to continue yelling.

It doesn't take Clare long to remember that Dave was Sadie's boyfriend at the time of her death. She remembers the picture in the newspaper; she remembers when Jake had to interview him for comment. Dave looks distraught, his eyes filled with resentment, and he spits at Eli's feet.

"What is going on in here?" yells one of the campus' security guards.

"Nothing… nothing," says Eli spitefully, licking his lower lip. "Absolutely nothing."

The guard doesn't look convinced, and glares at Eli, who seems eerily calm.

"I'm going to kill you!" cries Dave, trying to get out of Zane's grasp, but the officer intervenes.

"You're coming with me," the guard says, pulling a struggling Dave away. Dave keeps yelling things, his voice heavy with anger, and his voice fades away eventually.

Eli grabs his backpack and looks away as the rest of the students mumble and mutter, their whispers heavy with curiosity. Eli glances around and his eyes fix on Clare, and there's surprise and annoyance in his expression.

The previous class erupts from the classroom, and Eli suddenly disappears. Clare feels light-headed with everything that has happened so far, but she can't wait to tell Jake and Alli about the fight that broke out before classes even started.

Clare walks into the classroom and takes her seat, realizing with a jolt that she's sitting next to Eli. He keeps wiping his bruised lip with the sleeve of his leather jacket, muttering to himself.

"Maybe you need to go to the nurse," suggests Clare quietly, and Eli gives her a cold side-glance. He doesn't say a word, but turns to look at the teacher instead. Fine, Clare was just trying to be nice, and maybe Eli deserved to get punched in the mouth.

Clare doesn't know why she's feeling so irritated with a complete stranger.

"I feel sorry for those of you who bought the textbook," announces the professor as she waves her hands around dramatically. "You won't need it."

The class groans and Clare stares at the book in front of her. Of course, this happens all the time. She buys an absurdly expensive book just to find out that she won't need it. Awesome.

"My name is Miss Dawes and you shall address me this way," the teacher continues, scribbling something on the board. "We're not friends, we're all grown ups, and I expect nothing but adult essays from all of you."

Clare shuffles uncomfortably on her seat, wondering what Miss Dawes means by "adult essays."

"She needs to get laid," someone mutters behind her, and Clare's cheeks redden at the comment.

Miss Dawes goes on and on about the future projects in her class, mentioning something about working with partners, and Clare can't help but glance at Eli again.

"Now, the project with a partner will have a word count of 30,000 or more," drawls Miss Dawes. "You have a semester to write it, so I don't expect anything less than that. But Mr. Goldsworthy, don't go over 100,000. I still have nightmares over the essay you wrote for my Composition II class. English majors, seriously."

Eli is smirking, and Clare wants to snort at his smugness. Some people in the class chuckle, and Goldsworthy looks pleased with himself before the bored expression takes over his face again.

"Now, the first book assigned to read in this class is _Slapstick_ by Kurt Vonnegut," says Miss Dawes and Clare feels excited. She has actually read this book, and although it was a bit disturbing at times, she loved it.

"Science with incestuous undertones," drawls Eli, and the class stares at him. "Seems appropriate."

Miss Dawes glares at Eli a little, but a smile threatens to appear on her lips. "You will write a 500 word essay and…" Miss Dawes trails off, but Clare can't keep her eyes away from Eli, and this puzzles her.

**xxxxxx**

The class ends and the students try to hurry out of the classroom, and Clare finds herself bumping into Eli, who shoots an irritated look at her.

"Watch where you're going," he says hastily, walking away as fast as he can. Clare glares after him, already annoyed by his mere presence, but the sight of Jake waiting for her outside the classroom makes her forget about the entire incident.

"Hi, Ja-"

"Clare, oh, Clare, he is in your class!" says Jake excitedly.

"Huh?" asks Clare, confused. Students are bumping into them as they rush to their next lecture, and Jake grabs Clare hand and pulls her aside.

"Eli Goldsworthy is in your class," explains Jake in a low tone. "That is perfect!"

"How so?" asks Clare, raising an eyebrow. The last thing she wants to do is to talk about the pretentious idiot in her class.

"Remember the envelope I received this morning? With the hints and clues about Sadie's death?" chirps Jake, brushing his hair away from his forehead hastily.

"The one you were supposed to hand over to the police?" says Clare sternly, her hand on her hip. "Jake, this is no time to play detective, this is ser-"

"You need to get close to him," deadpans Jake, a broad smile on his lips. "His name was in that envelope, underneath the circle and the list with the weird words. He's the one who knows everything; it said so in the paper. I looked up his name and information and I've had a few classes with him before. I know that he only talks to a selective number of people. Maybe that's the secret society! I need you to become his friend."

"I will do just that," says Clare sardonically and she starts walking away. She has no time for this, she knows how Jake gets overtly excited every time he gets a good news story, how he wants to do everything at once. They've been friends for years, and Clare knows him perfectly well. She knows that the excitement will subside eventually.

Jake grabs her by the wrist gently and flashes a charming smile at her, and Clare feels her knees go weak.

"What am I supposed to do? Walk up to him and say 'hey, we should be best friends!'" mocks Clare. "He got into a fight before class and he's a jerk and-"

"He got into a fight?" blurts Jake. "With whom?"

"Sadie's boyfriend, Dave," says Clare, her voice whisper-like.

"See? It all makes sense! Please," pleads Jake, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "This is probably the biggest story I will ever write. Please… please…"

"Jake, I don't know," shrugs Clare, holding on to her book. "He doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would like to be my friend."

"But you're the nicest, prettiest, funniest girl in the world," winks Jake, and Clare feels herself blushing. "Come on. Just… help me out. He's an English major, you're an English minor, and it's perfect! He won't talk to me because everybody knows I work for the paper. But you… Clare Edwards, you will get under his skin, I just know it."

Jake moves closer to her and Clare stops breathing for a second. This is the guy she's been crushing on for the past year, the guy who has been her friend since they were in kindergarten, the guy she would do anything for.

"Okay… I… I will try," says Clare hoarsely, and Jake hugs her.

"You're the best," says Jake as he kisses her on the forehead. "Thank you. Wait until I tell Holly J!" Jake lets go of her and smiles as he starts walking away, and Clare feels her heart beat erratically with every step he takes. He finally disappears from her view and she smiles at herself, feeling content.

She turns around and notices the elusive English major standing at the end of the hallway, talking to a girl who is wearing a funny hat. Eli looks up and his eyes lock with Clare's, giving away nothing. Eli blinks and his attention goes back to the dark-haired girl in front of him, and Clare wonders if Eli actually _knows _something about Sadie's death.

How difficult can it be to become Eli Goldsworthy's friend?


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. This story idea belongs to marieloveseclare. Thanks to arctic_grey for writing **_**The Black Rose Season**_** and being a writing inspiration.**

**Author's note: Thanks for the reviews! I need ****to start replying to all of them, so sorry for sucking in that department. Lengthy chapter for you! (Also, cookie for those of you who spot the Panic! and the Tegan and Sara references. ) **

"_I don't like these tiny portions with your artful abortions of sound, sealed with a kiss, slathered in the sauce sarcastic.  
>So go choke on your irony."<em>

_**The Futile | Say Anything**_

To become friends with someone, it requires spending time with said person. You have to share secrets, joys, tragedies. Be there for each other no matter what. Clare knows this.

But Eli Goldsworthy has vanished without a trace, and Clare can't be friends with a ghost.

He hasn't shown up for the past two World Lit sessions, and Clare wonders if he's all right. Jake seems agitated, because no one seems to know a thing about the whereabouts of the mysterious boy. Clare suggested that maybe Eli is keeping a low profile because of what happened with Dave.

Either way, Clare is glad she doesn't have to be Eli's friend, at least for now. The empty seat beside her, however, is haunting her. She doesn't pay attention to Miss Dawes, who keeps talking about the "partner project" and the significance of it. Clare looks away from Eli's empty desk and tries to focus on the teacher droning in front of her.

"I'll assign you a topic," says Miss Dawes. "Once you pick your partner, come up to my desk and I'll tell you what it is. Come on, guys, this isn't high school. Pick somebody and get it over with."

The guy sitting behind Clare pokes her gently, and Clare turns around. He is running his fingers through his curly hair, and haphazardly rearranges his lopsided glasses. "Do you have a partner?" he asks shyly. "I'm Wesley."

"Clare," she says, smiling. "And I, um..." She glances around and decides to lie. "Yeah, I do. He's not here today, but he promised we would be partners."

"Oh, you mean... Eli Goldsworthy?" asks Wesley through narrowed eyes. "I didn't know you guys were friends."

"Oh, yeah, totally," says Clare, but Wesley looks skeptical.

"Huh, he's a weird one," says Wesley, clearing his throat. "You don't seem like the kind of girl he would hang out with. How is he? Is he hiding after what happened with my best friend, _Dave_?"

"I..." Clare is a loss for words, but Wesley turns around and ignores Clare, making conversation with another student. Clare feels stupid just sitting there, so she stands up and walks over to Miss Dawes' desk.

"I'm here to get my topic," mumbles Clare.

"Who's your partner?" asks Miss Dawes, not looking up.

"Um..." Clare takes a deep breath, slightly hating Jake. "Eli Goldsworthy. He's not here today but-"

Miss Dawes looks up and frowns at Clare, but merely shrugs as he goes back to her notes and writes down something. Clare stands there awkwardly, waiting for Miss Dawes to say something.

"Your topic is _rain_," says Miss Dawes in a mysterious tone. "I need you and Mr. Goldsworthy to write an essay about rain."

"Sorry?" blurts Clare.

"How rain affects... oh, I don't know, your behavior, life, nature!" says Miss Dawes happily. "Read essays about rain by other writers! The secrets behind every single drop! You two will need to figure out which angle you want to take!"

Clare raises an eyebrow and stares at Miss Dawes in confusion. What on Earth is this woman talking about? But she just mumbles a "thanks" and goes back to her seat. She has a partner, she has a topic, she has almost everything.

Except Eli's friendship.

**xxxxx**

"Aw, cheer up. What's wrong? You've been so subdued lately," says Alli worriedly as they take a seat at one of the dining hall tables.

"You've noticed? Hard to tell when you're spending all of your free time with Drew," says Clare bitterly.

"I'm trying to save my relationship with that man," protests Alli. "He was so distant during break. 'Oh, Alli, I have to do this, do that.' I'm losing him!"

Clare snorts, all too familiar with Alli's love for melodrama. Clare's only met Drew a couple times, and she dislikes him intensely. She has no idea why her best friend is dating a guy like that.

"Maybe you should lose him," mutters Clare, and Alli gives her a surprised look.

"Okay, killjoy, what's going on?" says Alli, putting her salad aside. "Is it Jake again? Did he get a new girlfriend?"

"No!" says Clare quickly. She promised Jake she would tell no one about their "secret" mission, not even Alli. "Um... let's change the subject. Drew! Yeah, let's talk about Drew."

Alli doesn't seem too convinced but she soon starts ranting about Drew and his behavior, Drew and his brother, Drew and his brother's friend, that insufferable Eli Golds-

"You know Eli Goldsworthy?" squeaks Clare. "You've never mentioned him before!"

"Well, with our work shifts and school schedules, we rarely have time to talk," chuckles Alli. "So sad. But yeah, I know him. Why?"

"Just... um, he's my partner in my World Lit class," blushes Clare. "And I have no idea where he is. I mean, we need to talk about our project and stuff... so... Drew's brother is friends with him?"

What a small world.

"Yeah, Adam actually shares a dorm room with Eli," says Alli nonchalantly. "They're both living in Ross Hall, you know, the artsy hall. Do you want me to talk to him or...?"

Clare shakes her head and pulls out her phone, texting Jake frantically. She tells him that Eli's location had been in front of her all along, and that Jake owes her, _big time._

"Do you know what's their room number?" asks Clare, waiting for Jake's response.

"I could ask Drew... hold on," says Alli, reaching for her phone. Clare's phone starts buzzing, and she can't help but smile at Jake's text.

_You're amazing, Clare darling. We must celebrate tonight after you talk to him. Looking forward to spend time with you. Just let me know. _

Clare is beaming, and Alli tells her something, but all she can hear is bliss. She is feeling like a silly love song.

**xxxxx**

She walks down the hallway, holding her breath. People are giving her weird stares, as if they know she doesn't belong here. Clare tries to breathe, but she feels like something is burning and blacking her lungs, and she looks at the piece of paper with the information Alli gave her. She still can't believe she agreed to help Jake with this, she doesn't want to be involved in this at all. She feels like a pawn, but Jake is her best friend after all, and perhaps her future husband, so...

She finally finds the door and knocks nervously as other students walk past her, looking at her curiously. She can hear them muttering, wondering what the preppy , innocent, book-loving Clare Edwards is doing in _their _building. Ross Hall is known for holding the most intellectually-pretentious students on campus, and it's been nicknamed Hipster Hall, much to Clare's amusement. Clare knocks again, the bile rising in her throat, and she can hear the door unlocking.

Clare steps back as the door opens and there he is, dark circles under his bright green eyes, dressed in black, many rings decorating his fingers. He looks intimidating, and it seems that he hasn't shaved in days. Everything about him screams secrecy and contempt, and he is studying her carefully, making Clare shiver. Her eyes focus on his full lips, they way they're twitching into a smirk, and she knows that this isn't going to be easy.

_What did I get myself into? s_he thinks. _I'm just a student, I don't want to be involved in this at all, I don't, I don't-_

"Um... Eli Goldsworthy?" She mumbles.

"Yeah," he says dryly. "Who are you?"

He doesn't remember being an idiot to her? Clare's not surprised.

"Clare Edwards, er, I'm in your World Lit class?" offers Clare clumsily.

Eli raises an eyebrow at her and Clare wonders if he is able to see through her. He probably knows that she's here to spy on him, that every word that escapes his lips will be relayed to Jake, that this stupid mystery will somehow be solved with Clare's amazing, incredible, non-existent detective-like skills. The only experience she has with investigating a murder is reading mystery novels or watching crime TV shows. No, she's not good at this at all.

"What do you want?" asks Eli, irritation in his voice.

Clare breathes deeply, faking a smile. Let the acting begin.

"Well, um, you haven't been in class?" says Clare, stumbling on her words.

"So?" drawls Eli.

"We're... partners," explains Clare timidly. "I just wanted to let you know that you're my partner."

"Why?" asks Eli, and he sounds impatient. "I wasn't there. Did she pick partners at random?"

"Yeah, that's what she did," lies Clare.

"How did you find me?" snaps Eli, and Clare wants to walk out of there.

"I, er-"

"Come in," says Eli, looking exasperated, and he walks away, leaving the door wide open. Clare stands there for a minute before following him, making a mental note of punching Jake later.

The somewhat spacious room is a mess, fitting for two young men. There are Dead Hand posters all over the walls, and discarded shirts decorate the barely-visible floor. Eli sits on his bed and grabs the book he was apparently reading before Clare interrupted, and says nothing as his eyes glue to the novel.

"Um..." Clare doesn't know what to say. "I, um, just asked around for you."

"I don't like people asking for me," says Eli, flipping a page. "If I wanted to be found, I would just walk around campus, waving like a pageant winner."

"I'm sorry," mumbles Clare, and Eli looks up from his book.

"For what?" he asks, and his voice sounds softer.

"Bothering you," shrugs Clare. "I just really want to get a good grade and I got worried when you didn't show up."

"Well... I was considering dropping that class anyway," huffs Eli. "I won't, my parents would kill me, but whatever. And you can sit down on Adam's bed, he won't mind."

Clare walks over to the bed and sits cautiously, cringing as she feels something poke her butt. "An action figure?" she snorts, grabbing the tiny toy in disbelief.

"Don't judge," mocks Eli. "Fuck, so... here's the thing. We're partners, not friends. We'll just figure out our schedules and meet at the library and whatnot. I have no time for chitchat and get-to-know-you-exercises."

"I didn't-" starts Clare, enraged at Eli's rant.

"And if I see your _boyfriend _sniffing around," says Eli darkly. "I will go to Miss Dawes and tell her to assign me another partner."

"Boyfriend?" asks Clare.

"Don't play stupid with me," says Eli, and he's not looking at her anymore. "Jake Martin, managing editor of the campus newspaper. Everybody's favorite plaid-wearing, sports-loving jock."

Eli sounds definitely resentful, and Clare is feeling more and more puzzled.

"He tried to interview me last semester," says Eli finally. "Tell him he's not getting his interview through you. I'm not an idiot, you know."

What? Jake never mentioned trying to interview Eli last semester. Clare feels used, and she stands up.

"He never mentioned that to me... and Jake is not my boyfriend," says Clare, trying to sound calm.

"Whatever he is," says Eli dismissively. "You have been warned."

"And how do you know about me and Jake being friends, anyway?" asks Clare, realizing something. "You acted like you had never seen me before just a few minutes ago."

Eli doesn't respond, and for the first time ever, he looks nervous. He bites his lower lip, the sight extremely alluring, but Clare isn't here for that, no. She shouldn't find this arrogant _boy _so attractive, not when she's hating his guts. Not when she is completely and madly in love with Jake, the most perfect man on Earth.

"My memory comes and goes, just like my body and soul," says Eli snobbishly. "Think of me as the Billy Pilgrim of modern times. You _do _know who Billy Pilgrim is, right? Unless you're not familiar with Vonnegut, which would be a shame..."

"You're so... ugh!" exclaims Clare, frustration taking control of her. "What have I done to you? I just... I... ugh!"

"_Ugh_?" sneers Eli, looking like he's enjoying the scene. "Your word knowledge is Earth-shattering! What a stunning display of verbal acuity!"

Clare opens her mouth to retort but she freezes, her mind processing Eli's words. "What did you say?" she gasps. Stunning display of verbal acuity. Acuity. _Acuity. _Maybe she's just reading too much into this, maybe the envelope on Jake's desk has made her paranoid.

"Verbal acuity, Edwards," says Eli, sounding bored. "Now, if you don't mind, I would like to continue reading. We're about to find out who shot the model in the face."

Clare notices that Eli is reading _Invisible Monsters _by Palahniuk, a novel that Clare adores, but she doesn't say anything. She's too furious at him.

"You better attend the next lecture," says Clare angrily, turning on her feet and reaching for the door. "See you around."

Clare opens the door angrily, her rage not letting her breathe properly. And before she closes the door, Eli's sardonic voice reaches her ears.

"Guess you will."

**xxxxxxxx**

Clare is glad she doesn't work at the bookstore today, she is getting a migraine. She sits on the couch, staring blankly at the TV and thinking of the day's events. One thing is for sure, Eli is a complete and absolute jerk.

No wonder people avoid him, no wonder Alli made snide remarks about him. He's the most unpleasant guy Clare has ever met, and she can't believe she's supposed to become friends with him. No way, no how, not happening. And she needs to say this to Jake.

Someone knocks on the door and Clare stands up slowly, still thinking terrible thoughts about Eli and his cold words, his indifference, his gorgeous green eyes-

_Stop it, _thinks Clare stubbornly. _You are NOT attracted to him. He's a jerk!_

She opens the door and all thoughts of Eli disappear when Jake smiles at her, and he's holding a box of pizza in his hands.

"Brought food, my lady," he winks, and Clare smiles stupidly.

They settle in front of the TV after Clare gets some sodas from the fridge, and they eat in silence for a minute. "So, what happened?" asks Jake, swallowing his bite.

"He's so... strange," says Clare. She doesn't want to act like a hormonal teenager in front of Jake. "Very elusive and reserved... kind of."

"Really? Huh," muses Jake, reaching for another slice.

"You must know," says Clare, suddenly remembering her brief conversation with Eli. "You did try to interview him last semester after all."

Jake starts choking on his slice, and Clare crosses her arms, waiting for an explanation. Jake is red in the face and he's avoiding Clare's eyes, his expression full of guilt.

"Oh, yeah, about that... um..." Jake coughs, and Clare punches him in the arm. "Okay, ouch, sorry! I guess I owe you an explanation."

"You sure do," says Clare crossly.

"Um, well..." Jake puts down his slice and wipes his fingers with a napkin as he takes a deep breath. "See, the last text sent from Sadie's phone the night she died, um, funnily enough... it was sent to Eli."

"Excuse me?" breathes Clare.

"_He kind of was a person of interest in Sadie's murder_," says Jake quickly. "Oh, hey, should we rent a movie or something?"

"What?" bellows Clare, standing on her feet. "A person of interest? Why didn't you tell me this? Jake, what were you thinking?"

"My source in the police department wanted me to keep quiet about it!" says Jake defensively. "But Eli didn't do it, he had an alibi! But my source said that he definitely knew something about the murder but he was very reserved about the whole thing. They had nothing against him so they had to dismiss him and-"

"You lied to me!" snaps Clare.

"No, I..." Jake grins sheepishly. "I just hid some facts from you."

"You _suck,_ Jake!" says Clare, turning away from him, her ears burning. She hears when Jake stands up, and she shivers when he places a hand on her shoulder.

"Clare, look at me." Clare waits for a couple minutes before turning to face Jake. "Clare... I know he won't hurt you. I know some things about him, and I know he won't. But I need you to get close to him so the whole Sadie thing can get solved."

"This is not your job," sighs Clare. Jake's hand reaches for hers, and the warmth of the action makes Clare blush.

"I need this article, darling," he says, using the voice he always uses to charm girls. He has never used it on Clare, and this sort of shocks her. "Dad is still seething about my major, and I need this to prove that I can do this. I need you, Clare."

"He doesn't trust me," says Clare in defeat. "Because I'm friends with you. He implied it."

Jake seems thoughtful for a moment, and then grins at Clare.

"We'll have a fight," says Jake. "A public, nasty fight. A fight so bad that it will make me look like a jerk and people will think that you will never talk to me again. Preferably in front of Eli."

"But surely people will notice we still talk to each other if we hang out," says Clare, her heart dropping at Jake's eagerness to be apart, if only for show.

"We won't hang out in public, that's all," chuckles Jake. "But we can hang out here at your apartment, my dorm is a no-no. It'll be fun, Clare. Just you and me, hanging out, watching movies... it will be perfect."

Clare can't deny that it sounds pretty darn fantastic. She sighs, pretending to consider Jake's idea, and then she gives him a sad look.

"Jake, what are we getting into?" she says quietly, and Jake's arms wrap around her, pulling Clare close to him.

"Just... trust me and get to know him," says Jake into her ear. "I will owe you so much. And I'll make sure you're protected in all of this. I don't want you to get hurt, okay? Because I... Well, you know I love you more than anything."

"Wh-what?" asks Clare, suddenly realizing that Jake's face is too close to hers.

"I..." mumbles Jake, leaning in. "Um... I..."

The door opens and Alli walks in, supported by an annoyed-looking boy who is wearing a beanie. Alli is obviously drunk, and her makeup is a mess, and her speech is slurred.

Clare blinks, and she realizes that Jake has let go of her, his cheeks very red.

"What happened?" asks Clare, trying to swallow her disappointment.

"Drew broke up with me!" cries Alli, pulling at the boy's collar. "I got drunk and mad, and more drunk and mad! Adam had to bring me, but I don't need any of you Torres boys looking after me, you pricks, you cheating-"

"Can you grab her?" groans Adam, and Jake and Clare quickly retrieve Alli from Adam's arms.

"Your brother is a cheating manwhore!" bellows Alli. "Tell him I hope that fucking dance major gives him STIs!"

"Will relay the message," says Adam sarcastically, taking off his beanie and bowing in a mocking way. Clare notices something resembling a silver circle tattooed on the back of Adam's neck, but the boy quickly stands up straight, putting his hat back on. "I've done my job."

Adam closes the door after him and Alli holds on to Clare, sobbing in despair. "He's seeing someone else," gasps Alli, and Clare hugs her tightly.

"I have to go, but... yeah, we'll do what we talked about, okay?" says Jake uneasily, not looking at Clare in the eye.

"Okay," says Clare neutrally. Jake gives them a last look and leaves, and Alli starts crying harder. Clare runs a hand through Alli's hair, trying to calm her down, but she feels like a hypocrite and a fake.

She wants to break down and cry too.


	4. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. This story idea belongs to marieloveseclare. Thanks to arctic_grey for writing **_**The Black Rose Season**_** and being a writing inspiration.**

**Author's note: Ah, sorry for the lack of cutesy Eclare... maybe this chapter will make up for it? ;) I love reading your theories! Some of you are absolutely right, some of you are not at all. Thanks for reading, thank you so much! Um, I might be writing Jake and Imogen terribly OOC, but bear with me. I don't know what they're like yet. **

_"I'm dizzy and faithless, where is the ground?_  
><em> You said this thing would not go upside down."<em>

**_Rollercoaster | Sleater-Kinney_**

Clare goes through the notes in silence, trying to figure out what everything means. Jake asked her to be secretive about the whole thing, that she was the only person (besides Holly J) who had access to the mysterious envelope.

_Acuity was the end of Sadie. _

Clare rubs her eyes tiredly as she puts all the papers back inside the envelope. Jake is obsessed with the little circle sketched on top of the paper, and so is Holly J. Both of them seem sure that it means something, but Clare thinks they're just being paranoid.

What if this information is fake? She has asked Jake this question for the past couple days but Jake is as stubborn as ever and refuses to believe someone is trying to set him up. Maybe Eli has nothing to do with it.

She drops the envelope in her backpack and glances at the box sitting in the corner of her room. Her dad sent her some of the stuff she left back home, and she knows that somewhere deep in the box sits a Polaroid camera. She got that from her parents the year before they got divorced, and Clare has been refusing to use it. But her dad probably thought it would be nice to send it to her.

Clare feels tears forming in her eyes, and she snorts at her emotional self. So many things have been going on lately, and she doesn't know how to handle it. She is still thinking about Jake's "confession" and how he almost kissed her. And she is also thinking about how he has been acting like nothing happened. Typical Jake.

Maybe she should just give up on love.

She decides to stop moping around and walks out of her room, holding her book bag close to her. She notices Alli standing by the windowsill, tears shining on her cheeks. Alli glances at Clare and wipes her tears away, sniffing as she does.

Clare gives Alli worried looks until the latter finally snaps at her, looking infuriated.

"I'm fine!" protests Alli, waving her coffee mug around. "I'm over him!"

"It's only been two days, Alli," says Clare calmly. "And I heard you crying last night. Maybe..."

"The bookstore called," says Alli dryly, walking past Clare. "They want you to work tonight."

"Okay, but Alli-"

Alli walks into her room and closes the door after her, her sobs suddenly audible, and Clare wishes the day would end already.

**xxxxxx**

"I'm still working on my lead!" yells Jake as he munches on a donut. Clare is sitting next to him as he types fast, his eyes glued to the computer screen. "Do you like that, Clare?"

"It's a story about budget cuts," giggles Clare, resting her hands on the desk. Jake gives her a wry smile and continues typing, and Clare wonders if she can address the elephant in the room. But Jake seems busy, so she decides to keep the thoughts about their almost-kiss to herself.

They still haven't had that public fight because, well, Eli is (again) nowhere to be found. Not that she's looking forward to their fight, just because she won't be able to hang out with him like this after it. She's sacrificing a lot of things for this story, and she just wishes Jake was more aware of it.

Clare focuses on the notepad sitting on Jake's tiny desk and sees that Jake has been sketching the circle over and over again, and she is a little concerned about her best friend's sanity.

"Damn it," says Jake, glancing at his empty soda bottle. "I'm already done with it!"

"Jake, it's 8:30 in the morning," says Clare sternly. "You shouldn't be drinking soda this early."

"Sorry, mom," teases Jake. Clare gives him a playful shove as she stands up, pulling her coin purse out of her book bag.

"I'm going to the vending machine," says Clare. "Do you want me to get you another soda?"

"Don't you have to go to class?" asks Jake, stopping his typing. "You know... your _World Lit class?_"

"I still have an hour... _dad," _retorts Clare, and Jake grins at her in admiration.

"Sure... do you need change?" asks Jake, reaching for his pocket.

"No, don't worry about it," says Clare, dangling her coin purse in front of him. "Be right back."

Jake just nods and starts typing again, and Holly J is starting to yell at some poor writer, making Clare feel glad she's stepping out for a while. Yeah, newsrooms are definitely not for her.

Clare walks out of the newsroom and she almost freezes at the sight of Eli walking by. He saw her, there is no way he didn't see her, but Eli starts walking faster, Clare trailing after him.

"Eli! Are you coming to class today?" she calls, but Eli ignores her. Clare finally catches up with him, grabbing him gently by the back of his jacket.

"What?" snarls Eli, turning to look at her.

"I just wanted to know if you're going to show up today..." starts Clare, and she notices that Eli finally shaved, but he still looks extremely tired. "Are you okay? You look kind of sick-"

"Stop it. Just… stop it."

His green eyes are shining with fury and Clare steps back as he looks at her, the rage irradiating from his body almost palpable.

"I'm not doing anything," squeaks Clare.

"You're just following me around!" snarls Eli as the people walking by them start staring. "Leave me alone, Edwards."

"We're partners!" retorts Clare, tired of Eli's cold attitude. "We're supposed to spend time together, you know? To get a good grade? You need to come to class!"

"Right, right," snorts Eli derisively. "I don't trust you. I really don't."

Clare feels furious, who is he after all? He's a stubborn jerk, a jerk that knows something about the murder of that poor girl, and here's Clare, having an argument with him in the middle of the hallway. Maybe she'll get killed too.

"Does it look like I care?" snaps Clare. Well, she should care, because she's supposed to become Eli's friend to help Jake with his article, but there is not way that she will make that happen.

Eli moves closer to her and their noses are almost touching, and she stares at him, not knowing if she should push him or punch him or… something. The contempt in his eyes disappears for a split second and is replaced by an unreadable emotion, but then Eli moves away and his stupid smirk comes back. His shirt looks disarrayed and his collarbone is momentarily exposed before he fixes his clothing in one swift movement, his eyes still on Clare.

"See you later," he says venomously and leaves, but for once, Clare doesn't care. Clare feels her heart racing as she watches him walk away, the image of Eli's collarbone still very vivid in her mind.

He has a tattoo. A silver circle. The circle that has been puzzling Jake and Holly J for days is right there on Eli's skin. Just like the circle sketched on the paper and just like...

Clare tries not to gasp as she remembers that Adam Torres had the same tattoo on the back of his neck. The permanent mark of a much greater mystery, and she can't help but think that Eli is definitely the key to solve that girl's murder.

She has to tell Jake.

**Xxxxxx**

But Jake is not in the newsroom when she comes back from the vending machine, and Clare looks around in cofusion as she sets the soda on the desk.

"Um... Anya, right?" asks Clare tentatively, and the girl sitting at the desk next to Jake's looks up, smiling.

"Yeah," she says cheerfully.

"Where's Jake?"

"Oh, Holly J sent him to get some student quotes," says Anya, her fingers still typing as she looks at Clare. "He went to the main dining hall."

Great. Clare bids Anya goodbye as she grabs her bag and heads out, headed towards the dining hall. The hall is crowded with people who just finished having breakfast, but she can't find Jake. She spots Eli sitting at a table with Adam Torres and a girl wearing bunny ears, the three of them in deep conversation. Clare looks away before Eli can see her staring, and she sees Jake standing nearby a table. He's holding his reporter's notebook and talking to a very attractive-looking girl, which makes Clare's heart sink.

"Katie Matlin, right?" asks Jake coquettishly. "Thanks for the quote. Any chance your number might come along with it?"

Katie gives him a funny look before smiling. "I'm taken, but thanks."

Clare stands there, floored by what she just witnessed. Jake walks away from the table and waves at Clare as he approaches her.

"Sorry, had to leave the newsroom," says Jake casually.

"Yeah... I know," says Clare, trying to hold back the resentment she's feeling. "Um, just wanted to let you know that-"

"This is it, Clare!" interrupts Jake, his eyes trailing off to the table where Eli is sitting. "We need to fight right now!"

"What? But-" Clare isn't prepared for this, not at all.

"Push me!" insists Jake out of the corner of his mouth, and his expression changes.

Clare thinks of how they almost kissed, how she's been crushing on him for so long, and how Jake was shamelessly flirting with a girl he just met. Okay, she can do this.

Clare pushes Jake away from her, and he tries to move closer to her again. "Clare, make up your mind!" says Jake loudly, and Clare pushes him away one more time.

"Stay away from me!" she snaps back, and the dining hall goes suddenly quiet. All eyes are on them and Clare's face is hot, but Jake's expression is cold and angry as he snorts at her.

"Mary Pure. Saint Clare!" he says, and people snicker in the background. "I'm so tired of waiting around for you. I'm just going to find a girl who will give me what I want."

Clare gapes soundlessly at Jake, because those words hit close to home. The purity ring in her finger is burning her, and she blinks blankly at Jake. His eyes are filled with apologies, but the words coming out of his mouth are bitter and vile. Clare can't make out most of what he's saying, everything is suddenly muted and she's feeling dazed. Another male student grabs Jake by the sleeve and pulls him away from Clare.

"I'm done with you!" calls Jake.

Clare looks around and she sees that Eli is standing up, his hands grasping the end of the table tightly, and she also sees that Adam is holding him back. But Clare doesn't have time to figure out what this means.

She runs out of the dining hall, embarrassment corroding her, and she knows they've been successful. Eli saw them fight, he thinks now that Clare and Jake will never speak to each other again. He doesn't know it was a fake fight.

But right now, Clare isn't so sure she wants to see Jake again.

**xxxxxx**

Clare stares at her desk, not wanting to look up. Her ears are still burning, tears are stabbing her eyes, and her heart hurts. She knows Jake didn't mean any of the words he said. She knows it was all an act.

But it hurts, so much.

Jake's words go through her head over and over, like a flowing river carrying nothing but hazardous material, and she tries not to cry. _Mary Pure, Saint Clare, Mary Pure, Saint Clare._

So maybe that's the reason why Jake doesn't want to date her. Her purity ring. Jake stopped wearing his years ago, and she still remembers the awkward conversation they had after Clare first noticed. She looks at the ring in contempt, wanting to rip it off, wanting to destroy it. She reaches for her ring finger and…

"Hey, I'm here! Happy?"

Clare looks up and sees Eli standing there, a guilty look on his face. He takes his seat and glances cautiously at her, and then clears his throat to speak.

"So… he was a jerk," says Eli, grinding his teeth.

"Sorry?" asks Clare hoarsely.

"Martin… He was a jerk," states Eli, and his face is slightly red. "Um, he had no right to talk to you like that… and stuff. Because you know, like… yeah."

Clare starts laughing at Eli's nervousness, and the boy looks affronted as he raises his eyebrows.

"Verbal acuity," mocks Clare, and Eli offers her a derisive smirk. "And for you to point out that he was a jerk, well… He must have_ really been a jerk."_

"Ouch, you just keep going at it," chuckles Eli. "But yeah, what an asshole. He must be pissed off at the world because he looks like a scrawny lumberjack."

Clare can't stop laughing at Eli's comments, and her face hurts from smiling. "Why are you being so nice to me?" asks Clare finally, and Eli lowers his eyes a little, making him look, well… very, very attractive.

"You're my English partner," he shrugs. "And although I've been a dick to you, Martin crossed the line."

Eli turns away and fixes his eyes on the blackboard, and Clare can't help but think that he looks a little vulnerable. Eli's lower lip is trembling, and he seems determined not to look at Clare.

"Thanks," says Clare quietly as Miss Dawes enters the room.

Miss Dawes starts talking and Clare looks away, but she can feel the blush creep on her cheeks. What is going on?

"This doesn't mean we're friends, okay?"

Clare glances at Eli, feeling disappointed, but the boy is smirking, and laughter threatens to escape her lips.

**Xxxxxx**

They both leave the classroom at the same time, walking side by side. Clare feels a little nervous now that Eli seems to like her (well, at least not hate her as much) and gives him a side smile as he looks at her. Eli doesn't smile back, he still seems a bit hesitant while talking to her, and she can feel a wall between them. Eli seems like he's about to say something, but the girl with the bunny ears walks over to them and narrows her eyes a little when she sees Clare next to Eli.

"Imogen, this is Clare Edwards," says Eli, and Clare notices a hint of amusement in his voice. "Clare, this is Imogen Moreno."

Imogen purses her lips but then a smile replaces her frown, and she hugs Clare tightly. Clare doesn't hug her back, she just stands there in complete shock.

"_The _Clare Edwards?" she winks, and Eli clears his throat. "I mean... I have never heard of you, no. Hey, that dude was totally a jerk to you. Like... totally. The way he talked to you was preposterously ridiculous! He should be lynched!"

"As much as I would enjoy it, I'm afraid that's it's against the law," giggles Clare.

"Details," says Imogen dramatically. "Elijah, we're going to be late."

"Oh, yeah," says Eli nervously. "Um, Clare, we have to start working on our project. Because you want to get a good grade, not because I care. Just wanted to make that clear. When do you have time?"

Clare goes through her schedule in her head as Imogen starts humming loudly, tapping her toes to a non-existent beat. "Tomorrow? I work an early shift but I have no classes, so..." says Clare, and Imogen starts twirling around. Imogen's shirt rises up a bit, and Clare sees a circle tattooed next to her belly button. Another one. Yeah, there's something going on.

"I'll pick you up," says Eli, completely oblivious about Imogen's quirky behavior.

"You don't even know where I work," says Clare, and she realizes with horror that she's sort of flirting. Maybe she's just doing it because of what happened with Jake. That's all.

"Campus bookstore," shrugs Eli. "You know, I do buy books and such, and you've checked me out several times."

Clare frowns, because she doesn't remember doing that.

"And he has checked you out several times too, if you know what I mean," winks Imogen, and Eli looks like he's about to pass out from embarrassment. Clare starts giggling and Eli looks simply horrified, but Imogen is still dancing around like nothing is going on.

"Okay, we're leaving," says Eli, grabbing Imogen by the wrist. "Um... I'll just stop by, okay?"

"Bye, Clare Edwards!" says Imogen merrily as Eli drags her along with him, and Clare can hear them bickering as they walk down the hallway. Her phone starts vibrating in her bag, and she knows that it's Jake, but right now she doesn't want to deal with him.

The circle tattoos are haunting her, and maybe that secret society does exist after all. Did Sadie have a tattoo as well? Did they kill her? No, they don't seem like the kind of people who would kill someone... right? She shakes her head, pushing all those thoughts away. She doesn't really care at the moment.

As she walks away she takes in what Imogen said, that Eli has _checked out _Clare in the past. And then she remembers the conversation she had with Eli a few days ago, and she realizes that Eli has noticed her before. She feels flustered and flattered, but most of all, she feels confused.

Clare feels suddenly giddy, and it amuses her that the source of her sudden happiness is the boy that she hated just a couple of hours ago.

It takes Clare a long time to realize that she can't stop smiling,


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. This story idea belongs to marieloveseclare. Thanks to arctic_grey for writing **_**The Black Rose Season**_** and being a writing inspiration.**

**Author's note: Thank you so much for the reviews. And... don't hate me for the beginning of this chapter. Um, remember the warning in the prologue? Maybe it will make sense now. *winky face* **

"_I comb the crowd and pick you out, my mouth moves too fast for you to figure it out.  
>It starts: eyes closed to fingers crossed to 'I swear, I say.'"<em>

_**XO | Fall Out Boy**_

"It's okay."

"No, Clare… I crossed the line."

Jake is standing behind Clare as she makes some toast for herself before heading out to work, trying not to look at her best friend. Jake left her a dozen voicemails and showed up at her apartment this morning, asking for forgiveness.

Clare can't say no to his smile. She knows that she always forgives him too easily, but it's _Jake. _

"Seriously, Jake, that's fine," sighs Clare, turning around. She lets out a little gasp as she realizes how close Jake is. He seems truly sorry, and his eyes look red and tired.

"I just don't want you to think that I used that information to deliberately hurt you," he says, placing a finger under Clare's chin. "The first thing I saw was your purity ring and I just… I'm so sorry."

"It was a fake fight," says Clare, reaching out for Jake's hand and removing it off her chin. "That's fine."

"And he believed it, right?" asks Jake excitedly.

"I… yeah. He did." Clare feels uneasy, because she can't stop thinking about Eli and how he tried to be nice to her after the "fight" with Jake. He seems to be a decent guy after all, even if he's a little arrogant, but Clare always seems to be attracted to those guys.

Not that she's attracted to Eli Goldsworthy, because she's not. He has only been nice to her for a day after all, and the fact that they're meeting after her shift doesn't make her feel nervous at all. No, not at all.

"You look pensive," chuckles Jake.

"Oh, yeah," blushes Clare, pushing Eli's green eyes out of her mind. "Um… so I forgot to tell you something."

"Yeah?" grins Jake, grazing Clare's cheek with his hand. Why is he being like this? Clare doesn't understand, Jake has never been this… _physically affectionate_ with her. Sure, a couple hugs and kisses on the cheek, but not this.

"Eli has a tattoo," blurts Clare. "A silver circle, just like the one on the papers you got. And two of his friends do too."

"Holy shit," says Jake breathlessly, dropping his hand. "I mean, really? Wow! But… Clare, this is great!"

"Sorry I didn't tell you before, it just came to mind," blushes Clare, and Jake gives her a hug.

"You haven't even been friends with the dude for a day and you're already a jackpot of information," says Jake, holding her tightly. "You're the best. The best!"

"I know," teases Clare, and Jake gently lets go of her.

"Now… I know you guys are hanging out today, for your project or whatever," says Jake calmly. "It doesn't matter how long it takes, as long as you get more info on him. Now I'm convinced this society exists."

Clare remains silent as Jake stares at the ceiling in concentration. Then he looks at her again and smiles widely at her. "You're so amazing. Did you know that?"

"You've said that several times, yes," giggles Clare, and all of a sudden, Jake grabs her hand.

"I feel like apologizing again," he says, and Clare shudders as their fingers intertwine. "I feel like such a jerk. I really didn't want to hurt you, and I want to make sure you know that."

He's stepping closer, and Clare looks into his eyes, wondering what's going on. "And if I've been a coward when it comes to _us_…" he says, and the words make Clare's heart explode. "It's not because of your vow. It's because I'm an idiot, that's all."

"_Us_?" echoes Clare.

"Unless I've been misreading you for the last year… you like me, don't you?" asks Jake as he leans in. "There's all this tension between us, and I can't ignore it anymore. Neither can you."

Jake kisses her, and warmth engulfs her. His lips move slowly on hers, and it's just like she imagined it. This is better than her first kiss with K.C. This isn't a dream, it's really happening, and she feels Jake's arms wrap around her.

"I like you," Jake mutters against Clare's lips. "Sorry for being such an ass. I was afraid of ruining our friendship. Sorry for not kissing you that night, I wanted to. I really did."

Clare smiles, happiness all over her face, and she's about to kiss Jake again when Alli enters the kitchen, letting out a loud squeal. "You guys! Oh my gosh! You were totally… Finally!"

Alli runs over to them and hugs them, still squealing. Jake looks embarrassed but he's still grinning, and Clare knows that her face probably resembles the color of a tomato.

"Alli, we need to keep this quiet," says Jake, and Clare's heart sinks a little. He looks at Clare and mouths "_Eli_" to her, making some of the uneasiness go away.

"Why?" asks Alli, suddenly irritated.

"Clare is working on a special project for the paper," says Jake. "And I don't want my editor to find out that we're… um. You know."

Jake puts an arm around Clare's shoulder, and Alli gives them a knowing smile. "Okay, fine," she chuckles. "This totally makes up for the crappy day I had yesterday."

"Oh, sorry to hear that," says Clare, remembering how Alli seemed miserable the morning before.

"If you see Drew Torres walking around with a black eye, it wasn't me," winks Alli, stealing Clare's toast and walking out of the kitchen.

"Whoa, a black eye?" calls Jake after her.

"Yes!" calls Alli from the living room. "So you better be a good boyfriend to Clare!"

Jake raises an eyebrow at Clare, who starts laughing uncontrollably. Jake just shrugs and gives her another peck on the lips, and the butterflies in Clare's stomach are out of control.

"I could get used to this," he smiles.

Clare tries not to sigh, not to squeal and scream with joy, but she can't help a nervous giggle. She thinks of Darcy, who always said that Jake and Clare would end up together, even when they were in their early teens. Clare should e-mail her soon.

"Yeah… same here."

**Xxxxxx**

Clare stares into space dreamily; still thinking about the kiss she shared with Jake. She still can't believe it happened and she looks around for signs of the apocalypse, but everything seems all right.

"Clare, you have a customer," calls Peter from the back, and Clare blushes as she rings up some books for a tried-looking guy.

"Books are so unnecessary," yawns the guy. "But my teachers keep telling me, 'Declan, you need to buy them. Declan, you need to pass this class.' Isn't showing up good enough to get a degree?"

Clare laughs at Declan's comments, and he pulls his wallet out of his pocket, staring at the myriad of credit cards in it. He finally decides on a shiny black one, and he smiles coquettishly at Clare.

"Your eyes are beautiful," he says. "What are you doing working behind a counter?"

"This pays my rent," smiles Clare.

"Ah, rent," says Declan as Clare hands him his receipt. "The struggles of the college student! Don't worry, I'm sure you'll make enough money to forget about rent someday. What's your major?"

"Public relations," says Clare.

"If I ever need a PR lady, I will call you," says Declan, cocking his head to the side. A pretty girl approaches him, and she runs her hand through her long hair impatiently.

"Declan, hurry up," she snaps, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, and Clare stares.

"See something you like?" the girl retorts and Clare looks away shyly, earning a dry laugh from Declan.

"Now, now, Fiona, calm down," says Declan pompously. "Let's go. "See you later, Clare."

Declan looks around before leaving and his eyes focus on something in the back of the store, but Clare is too embarrassed to follow his gaze. Declan nods and he and Fiona leave the bookstore, and Clare clutches her name badge anxiously.

Fiona had a tattoo. She had a silver tattoo on the back of her ear; Clare saw it when the girl was fixing her hair. This is getting intricate, and Clare regrets not asking them more, and she also wonders if Declan has a tattoo as well. Yeah, the secret society definitely exists. She just wishes she knew what the circle means.

Killing freshmen? No, that can't be it. Sadie was a first, and nobody had any motives to kill her. She was just an outgoing student with a basketball scholarship, no known enemies. So why-?

"Hey."

Clare looks up and Eli is smirking at her, his hair a little messy. Clare's feels a foreign sensation inside of her, and her trademark blush betrays her. She didn't even see Eli walk in.

"Buying something?" she asks politely.

"This," says Eli, placing a chocolate bar on the counter. Clare looks at Eli's hands, at the rings on his fingers, at the black fingernails. She looks up again and they both smile at each other awkwardly as Clare scans the bar.

"Any ideas for our essay?" asks Eli as he hands Clare some money. "I've been thinking about us all day- Our essay. Our essay, yeah."

"Um, I don't know what to write about," says Clare, giving Eli his change. "My shift ends in about fifteen minutes. Think you can wait?"

Eli pockets the money and winks at her as he starts unwrapping the chocolate. "I'll wait for you outside, Edwards." He gives Clare a long, calculating look before walking away, and two girls in line stare after him in awe. One of them has long, brown hair, and the other one has short spiky hair.

"He's so mysterious," giggles one of them as Clare is about to check them out.

"I would totally do him," says the other one, and both start giggling and squealing.

"Did you find everything okay?" asks Clare coldly, scanning some books. These girls are kind of annoying, really. And what's up with those short skirts?

"Yeah," says the brown-haired girl, who then turns to look at her friend. "I'm in the same class as Imogen Moreno, you know, the drama major?"

"Oh, the odd one with the weird outfits?" says the redhead.

"That one. I kind of want to be friends with her; she's always hanging out with Eli. Ugh, Eli Goldsworthy is so freaking hot!"

"60.95," mutters Clare, feeling more and more upset.

"And all those rumors about him… fuck, he's just so yummy," giggles the redhead, and Clare loses her patience.

"Do you mind paying? Or do I have to wait?" says Clare acidly, and the girls scoff at her.

"Ladies, I'm _so _glad you found your books," says Peter out of nowhere. "Let me give you your change…"

Peter gently pushes Clare away from the register, taking money out of the till. Clare looks at the manager, Darcy's ex-boyfriend who was kind enough to give her a job, and she feels ashamed about her behavior. Peter gives Clare a side glare, shaking his head in disappointment, and the girls leave. Clare is still seething, irritated by the shallow girls, but Peter seems genuinely upset and Clare decides that she has more important matters to take care of.

"You've been kind of off today," says Peter. "You just channeled Darcy right there with that snappy attitude." Peter smiles sadly, and Clare knows that he's still pining over her sister.

"Just a lot going on," mumbles Clare.

"Hey, guys!" says Connor, putting his name badge around his neck.

"I'll sort out the receipts," says Peter, placing a hand on Clare's shoulder. "Go home and relax or something, just make sure you come back with a better attitude."

"Sorry," says Clare, and she means it.

"We all have bad days," smiles Peter, and starts pushing her away. "Go, baby Edwards, go."

Clare takes off her name badge and walks away, feeling guilty. Sure, she was distracted all day, thinking of Jake's kiss. But her reaction to the girls was something that she didn't expect. Why did she feel so angry with them? Eli is attractive, that's true, so the girls weren't doing anything wrong. Clare goes to her locker and retrieves her purse, scolding herself for being a bad employee. She can't afford to lose her temper like that again, especially not in front of Peter.

She waves at Connor and Peter before leaving the store, and an odd sense of fury corrodes her when she steps outside and she sees _the _girls talking to Eli. He looks bored and his smile seems a little forced, and his hands are in his pockets.

"Eli!" calls Clare and Eli looks over at her, a grateful smile appearing on his lips. He doesn't even say goodbye to the girls, he just walks away, looking relieved.

"I was this close to pulling out my rape whistle," says Eli, his expression pained.

"That bad, huh?" mocks Clare.

"You have no idea," says Eli. "So, library? We could pick up some books there and then just go outside and read. The weather is so nice today."

Clare looks at the cloudy sky and then back at Eli, and of course he would say it's nice weather. He seems like the kind of guy who loves a cloudy day.

"Sounds great," says Clare, and they start walking towards the library.

"Are you feeling better?" he asks tentatively as they walk.

"About what?" asks Clare.

"Jake."

Clare doesn't look at him, afraid that her eyes will give it away. Of course she's feeling better about Jake, they _kissed _this morning. She's feeling nothing but bliss, and everything is perfect in the world.

"Yes," nods Clare. "Glad to have him out of my life."

"That's… good," shrugs Eli. "You shouldn't be around people like that."

"You mean like you?" asks Clare, sticking out her tongue.

"Hey! I was only mean to you because I thought you had something with Jake," says Eli defensively.

"Jealous?" teases Clare.

"No, I meant something like a conspiracy against me," sneers Eli. "Jealous? You wish, Edwards!"

"I'm too good for you anyway," huffs Clare proudly as she starts to walk faster.

"Walking fast won't me make want to be your friend!" calls Eli after her, and Clare starts laughing as she turns around to face him.

"Who says that I want to be your friend?" says Clare loudly.

"Do you hear that?" says Eli, placing his hand behind his ear. "That's my heart breaking."

"You have one?" retorts Clare playfully.

"Yeah, right here." Eli grabs Clare's hand and places it on his chest, and he's smiling tauntingly at her. Eli's hand on hers makes her shiver a little, and she just looks into his eyes, seeing how warmly he's looking at her.

"It's beating," notes Clare.

"It is, isn't it?" says Eli, letting go of Clare's hand. "Told you I had a heart. I never lie."

But thoughts of the tattoos come rushing into Clare's mind, and she doesn't know what to believe.

**xxxxxxx**

Eli is still writing on his journal, and Clare waits patiently as she rests her head on her hands. She glances around the garden, watching other students who are reading or just hanging out. She also looks at some of the people leaving the library and smirks when she sees Drew walking out with a curly-haired girl. Yes, he has a black eye. Alli can act really crazy sometimes.

"So... rain."

Eli's voice is mocking and full of sarcasm, and Clare decides to play along.

"Yeah... rain."

Eli and Clare glance at each other and they start laughing, realizing how ridiculous their assignment sounds.

"We're in college, for fuck's sake," groans Eli. "Sorry about the blasphemy."

"No need to apologize," says Clare, touching the cross around her neck. "I'm not a stuck-up Christian."

"Hmm," says Eli, jotting down some notes on his journal. "Still, I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"You already did that a few days ago," mocks Clare, but Eli doesn't say anything, he just continues to write. They sit in silence for a while, the cool breeze making everything feel pleasant, and Clare flips through the pages of the book that Eli picked at the library.

"I want to figure you out," says Eli, breaking the silence.

"Excuse me?" asks Clare, looking up from the book.

"I can't figure you out, not yet," muses Eli. "It's kind of killing me. I usually read people easily, but I feel like you're hiding something."

"You're paranoid," blushes Clare as she looks away. Of course she's hiding something, she's spying on him, she's probably going to be the end of him. Clare heart aches a little at the thought.

"I probably am," smirks Eli. "I just don't trust people, it's my nature."

Clare looks at him and she can almost see how Eli's defenses are floating in front of him, teasing her. He's never going to open up to her, she will never find out anything about Sadie. And somehow, that thought is a little comforting.

"Why?" asks Clare curiously.

"Why what?" responds Eli, stretching his arms.

"You said you don't trust people... why?" Clare tries to sound understanding and warm, hoping that Eli will open up at least a little. But there is darkness in his green eyes, and his nostrils flare with distrust as his hands clutch his notebook tightly. He's a different person now in Clare's eyes, a person who looks dangerous and secretive, a person who is capable of the utmost evil. Clare's shaking, and she hopes that Eli doesn't notice. But then Eli smiles and all bad thoughts disappear, and Clare wonders if she just imagined everything.

Eli chuckles softly and his lips part to answer Clare's question.

"I don't trust myself."

"That's a pretty strong statement," says Clare, trying to keep things light.

"I have nothing to hide, that's why I'm telling you," says Eli simply.

"Nothing to hide, hmm," muses Clare. "Does that mean that I can ask you anything?"

Eli considers her for a moment and then slides his journal down his back pocket. "It depends."

"Ah, so you _do_ have stuff to hide," says Clare.

"No, it's not that," says Eli coolly. "I just don't know you that well."

"What do you want to know?" asks Clare, knowing that she might regret saying that.

"Are you single?" asks Eli bluntly.

Clare hesitates for a second, but she knows that she has to lie. "I… yeah. Yes."

"Hmm." Eli stares at his own hands and seems to be examining his fingernails with infinite detail, and then looks at her shrewdly.

"Why do you want to know?" insists Clare.

"I was just curious," says Eli. "And… Well, you heard Imogen. I've seen you around before."

"Are you a stalker?" says Clare, trying to sound mocking but just coming across as nervous. Eli is not hitting on her, is he? This is the most inconvenient time. Not because she's with Jake now, but because she has no feelings for Eli whatsoever. None.

"You're hard to miss, Clare," says Eli, sounding sincere. "And we had a class together during your first year, I think. You just seemed like the kind of girl who would never talk to me."

"What makes you say that?" asks Clare, now feeling a little remorseful.

"You're a nice girl, that's all."

"But Imogen is a nice girl, and she talks to you," points out Clare.

"Imogen has been my friend for years," says Eli dismissively. "Imogen and Adam are my best friends, they kind of _have to _talk to me."

Eli says this in such a pragmatic way, as if his friends really have no choice. Clare realizes that he seems lonely and terribly sad; there is a hint of despair in his eyes when he speaks.

"Well, I would be your friend, but you don't want me to," says Clare.

"Why should I let you in?" asks Eli, scratching his cheek. "What makes you different from other girls?"

"I…" Clare has a loss for words. "I don't know."

"There you go," says Eli, running his hand over the grass. "Fuck, this conversation is depressing."

"_You_ made it depressing!" exclaims Clare.

Eli laughs and nods as he lies down on the grass. "Sorry, I tend to do that. Wanna lay down with me?"

"I should… go home," says Clare, mildly tempted to follow Eli's suggestion.

"Do you live nearby? Do you want me to give you a ride?" asks Eli, sitting up.

"No, I can walk, but thanks," says Clare in a flustered tone. "We didn't get anything done."

"We have time, we have a semester," says Eli as they both start getting on their feet. They're very close to each other as they stand up and Clare's eyes trail down to Eli's neck, and then to the exposed part of his collarbone. She can see half of the tattoo right there, mocking her, taunting her. But then their eyes meet, and it's a whole different sensation. Clare's fingertips feel warm, and Eli looks like he's about to lean in, but this isn't right.

She looks away and she swears she can hear Eli's disappointment, and she's surprised by the regret that starts sinking in her heart.

"See you later, okay?" says Clare wretchedly, her emotions confusing her like never before.

"Sure, whatever," says Eli, walking away from her. She turns around and starts walking quickly, as if that will make her forget about what just happened. She tries to think of her kiss with Jake, anything to make her forget about what Eli is making her feel. She's supposed to hate Eli, she's supposed to use him for information. That's all she needs from him. And nice girls don't feel like this, they don't feel confusion like this. Good girls like one guy, and one guy only, and they stay with that guy forever.

She shouldn't feel like this. But she does.

She likes Eli.


	6. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or the E.E Cummings poem in this chapter. This story idea belongs to marieloveseclare. Thanks to arctic_grey for writing **_**The Black Rose Season**_** and being a writing inspiration. **

**Author's note:Thanks to Sarenka222 for her poem recommendation. Thanks to my friend Miranda for her input. Oh, there is a THROAM reference somewhere in this chapter. Wink wink. **

"_But you know nothing is outside and my secret is my silence.  
>My secret is my silence and my silence is in vain."<em>

_**My Secret Is My Silence | Roddy Woomble**_

It's a wet, intense kiss, and Clare feels a little uneasy, but she keeps kissing him. Jake presses his body against hers, groaning hoarsely as Clare flings her arms around his neck, and their gasps are the only thing audible in the room.

Clare opens her eyes for just a moment and she sees green eyes staring back at her. She blinks again and realizes that she just imagined it, it's not Eli, it's Jake. Jake is the one kissing her, not Eli. No, not Eli.

She's losing her mind.

"Um…" Jake stops kissing her, looking concerned. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine! I'm… fine," reassures Clare.

"You've been weird for the past few days," says Jake, smiling before leaning in to kiss her on the neck.

"Yeah, um, school work and all this _hiding in my apartment _thing is getting to me," says Clare, running her fingers through Jake's hair.

" As soon as Goldsworthy comes clean, this will change… any progress?" mutters Jake, now placing a kiss on Clare's cheek.

"I…" Truth is, although Eli is certainly nicer to her, he's still distant. He hasn't been able to spend much time with her working on the essay, claiming that he's busy. He's… acting weird. Especially after the "moment" they shared outside the library a few days ago. But Jake doesn't need to know that. Jake doesn't need to know that she has a tiny, _insignificant _crush on Eli. "Some, I'm still trying."

"Good," grins Jake and kisses her again, more passionate than ever.

"Oh, god!"

Jake falls off the couch as Clare pushes him away, and Alli is standing in the living room, covering her eyes with her hands.

"Can't you go hang out somewhere else?" protests Alli, stomping out of the living room and slamming her bedroom door after her. Jake and Clare laugh it off, but Jake glances at his watch and stands up, fixing his shirt.

"This was fun," says Jake, giving Clare a side smile.

"Are you sure you're okay with me… you know…" Clare blushes, glancing briefly at her purity ring.

"I really like you, Clare, so of course I'm okay with it," says Jake, leaning in to give her a peck on the lips. "I swear."

"Okay," says Clare, not feeling convinced. "What are you doing today?"

"Spending all afternoon in the newsroom, nothing too exciting," sighs Jake. "I'd rather spend time with you, but I think Holly J would kill me. You?"

"It's a Saturday, so I'll go to the library for a bit," says Clare, standing up as well. "I'll get some work done… maybe I'll run into Eli."

"Sounds good," nods Jake. "Okay, I really have to go now, but…" Jake kisses her, and Clare happily responds to the kiss. "Leaving now, for sure."

They start kissing again, and time flies by.

**xxxxxxx**

Clare walks into the library, looking around for a book for her public relations research class. She soon finds the section she's looking for, and spends a few minutes browsing around. Clare sighs as she remembers making out with Jake, and then decides to focus on her search again.

"Dave is a threat to us, and you know it." Clare stops searching around and stops, recognizing the voice at once. It's Adam Torres, Drew's brother.

"Not in here, Adam," says another voice through gritted teeth. Eli.

"He's sort of right, I mean… he is threatening to speak out and…" Imogen's scared voice moves Clare's heart; the girl sounds completely terrified.

"He won't," says Eli coldly.

"I talked to Rosso about it," says Adam softly.

"What? Goddamn it, Adam, why did you bring him into this?" says Eli angrily, and Clare realizes that they're on the other side of her section.

"I had to!"

"No, you didn't. Fuck. You guys are really pissing me off," blurts Eli.

"Am _I_ pissing you off?" asks Imogen sadly.

"No, _you're_ not," says Eli, his tone completely different. "Just… everything."

"We should call for a meeting today," retorts Adam. "I'll text Katie and she'll let everyone know."

"Fine," says Eli tiredly.

Clare stands still as the voices get closer, and she feels trapped, not knowing what to do. She walks out of the section as fast as she can, looking behind her back as she does and-

"Ouch!"

Clare bumps into Imogen and the latter's glasses fall off, causing Imogen to start freaking out. "Oh, my glasses, oh no, oh no!"

"Here," says Clare, handing them to her. Imogen checks the glasses frantically, as if searching for any damage.

"She likes her glasses," chuckles Eli, smirking at Clare.

"They belonged to Buddy Holly," huffs Imogen crossly.

"No, they belonged to one of Buddy Holly's roadies," teases Eli, and Imogen punches him in the arm. "Oh! Adam, this is Clare."

"Hey," says Adam, smiling patiently at Clare, but still looking upset. "We've met."

"Have you?" asks Eli, frowning.

"Yeah, my best friend used to date Drew," shrugs Clare awkwardly.

"Ah," says Eli tonelessly and gives Adam a meaningful glance. "I rarely talk to Drew, and Adam never mentioned it."

"If it's any consolation, I think Alli was too good for Drew," says Adam, sounding more cheerful. "I like his new girlfriend but-"

"Pa-" starts Imogen, and Adam and Eli glare at her. "Um, I mean, _Bianca_ is so mean sometimes."

"Oh, so _that's_ her name," giggles Clare. "Alli just refers to her as 'slutty dancer.'"

"Sounds like a Elton John song gone wrong," notes Adam. "Anyway… Imogen, we need to go and do that thing we had to do."

Imogen looks confused, and Eli starts coughing dryly as Adam rolls his eyes. "You know… _the thing_?" insists Adam.

Imogen looks at Eli and then at Clare, then back at Eli, and she starts smiling brightly. "Okay, I get it," winks Imogen, and Adam puts an arm around Imogen's shoulders. Imogen puts her hand in one of her pockets and something falls out, but nobody notices except Clare.

"See you later, Clare," says Adam. "And don't be late, Eli."

Imogen and Adam walk away, leaving an awkward silence behind them. "Sorry I haven't been the most pleasant person," says Eli. "I swear, my life has been kind of crazy lately."

Clare notices that Eli is holding his journal in one of his hands, and he sees her looking. He slowly puts it in his back pocket, and offers her a hesitant smile.

"Want to take a walk?" he asks. "Maybe we can get some inspiration for our essay."

Clare looks at the books in her hands and thinks about Eli suggestion, knowing that she has _tons _of homework. She drops the books in one of the nearby bins and looks at Eli, feeling quite elated.

"Why not?" she asks, motioning Eli to walk in front of her. Eli gives her an odd look but he turns his back as Clare swiftly grabs the piece of paper that Imogen dropped.

_You never know,_ thinks Clare.

**xxxxxxx**

"It's so cloudy today," mentions Clare as they walk, and Eli has his hands deep in his pockets as he looks at the sky.

"It mirrors my mood," he sighs, sounding miserable.

"You sound tired," notes Clare, and Eli just shrugs, not saying a word. They walk in silence, the pebbles of the trail they're walking on crunching underneath their feet.

"Do you like rain?" asks Eli, sounding pensive.

"Sometimes," says Clare. "You?"

"I like it," says Eli, and Clare hears thunder somewhere in the distance. "You can't stop it from falling, you can get sick if you spend too much time under it… but it's beautiful."

"Nature is," concedes Clare.

"But rain is also depressing," continues Eli. "It's kind of overwhelming and it traps you indoors if you want to go outside… and it can also destroy."

"What are you getting at?" asks Clare curiously.

"Rain is like love," says Eli simply. "Don't you think?"

Clare stops walking and smiles, but Eli doesn't notice and he continues walking. "Have you ever been in love?" asks Clare after him. Eli turns around and she can tell that she asked the wrong question, because there is sorrow in his features, and Eli nods.

"And just like with rain, it ended," says Eli abruptly. "I had no say in its ending, I didn't see it coming… it just… ended."

Clare tilts her head to the side and walks over to him, wanting to somehow comfort the obviously broken boy in front of her. Eli looks at the ground and a sad smirk appears on his lips, and he finally removes his hands from his pockets.

"Have _you_ ever been in love?" asks Eli, echoing Clare's question.

"Me?" blurts Clare, and Eli is still looking at the ground. Clare doesn't know what to answer, because she's not sure. K.C…. well, she _really _liked K.C, but she knows that it wasn't love. The guy she went out with for a couple dates, Mark Fitzgerald, doesn't count either. But Jake… she feels happy and fuzzy around him, and maybe that's love. She doesn't really know.

"I'm not sure," confesses Clare, and Eli looks at her.

And out of nowhere, rain starts falling down on them, soaking them at once. Eli starts laughing and grabs Clare's hand as they start running, looking for shelter. They finally find a tree and they stand underneath the branches, and Eli lets go of Clare's hand.

"Not sure if this is safe," grins Eli.

"Great, now we're going to get sick," mumbles Clare as they stand under the tree, drops still falling on them.

Eli says nothing as they stare at the now-flooding trail, but after a while he stands in front of Clare, his face a little pale. "I found a poem," he says, unusually shy.

"Really? About what?" asks Clare.

"About… rain… kind of," shrugs Eli, not looking at her directly. "I thought that maybe it would help us with our essay. And now it's raining, so I thought that telling you about it would be… um… relevant."

"Oh?" The sudden tension between them changes everything, it's as if the air is barely breathable, as if the rain is gone, and Clare is able to see nothing but Eli. What changed?

"_I do not know what it is about you that closes and opens_," says Eli quietly. "_Only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses_."

Eli takes another step and Clare just stands there, rooted to the spot. Their proximity is making her nervous, but she doesn't move, not when Eli is looking at her like that. Nobody has ever looked at her like that. Not even Jake.

"_Nobody, not even the rain_…" Eli smirks at her as he moves closer. "_Has such small hands_."

"That's pretty," says Clare, lowering her eyes, hoping that Eli won't notice the blush on her cheeks. She's intently looking at her shoes, which are soaking wet, and soon she notices Eli's black boots almost touching the tip of her sneakers.

Clare looks up, her eyes locking with Eli's, and he clears his throat. "There is a reason why you can't be my friend," says Eli after a few seconds.

"I'm too nice for you?" asks Clare teasingly, trying to remain calm and unfazed.

"I can't be just friends with you, Clare," he says seriously. "I like you too much."

Clare can't speak, she can't respond, she just takes in the words and feels her world spin out of control. Eli likes her. _Likes her, _likes her. His timing is wrong, this is happening too soon, and _oh!_ she's with Jake.

But there is something about Eli that is just irresistible, and she can't help but feel drawn to him. The rain intensifies, and not even the tree can offer them shelter from the downpour anymore.

Clare is shivering, but it has nothing to do with her wet clothes. Eli cups her face, his fingers delicately touching her cheeks. Her face feels very, very hot, and her insides are churning with nerves. She should stop him, she should push him away.

Eli gulps, moving closer to her, and she sees the fear in his eyes. He seems slightly confused, but he doesn't say a word, he just looks at her intensely. She can barely breathe, but somehow her hands find the collar of Eli's jacket and she holds on to him. Eli's fingers feel like fire on her skin, and he's looking into her eyes, still silent.

"I shouldn't," he finally breathes, and Clare tenses up as Eli's lips brush hers.

"Me neither," whispers Clare. Eli is teasing her, his lips hovering over hers, both of them taking each other's breath. After two tortuous seconds, Eli finally kisses her.

Clare read once that first kisses are like sparks and fireworks, that time stops, that one feels nervous and anxious. And yes, Clare felt this way with K.C, with Mark, and with Jake.

But with Eli, it feels like her entire world is collapsing. The kiss is positively overwhelming, it's not only on her lips, but she feels it all over her body. Clare feels like she's literally on fire, and a quiet moan escapes her.

Clare feels lightheaded as their lips move in sync, both of them being cautious about the kiss. Eli's arms wrap around her possessively, and she kisses him eagerly, pulling on his collar.

Eli pulls away, opening his eyes to reveal full-blown pupils and Clare is breathless. "You're still here," says Eli amusedly.

"You have your arms around me, I can't really leave," mumbles Clare, and Eli kisses her again. Clare's back is pressed against the tree, and now her hands are tangled in Eli's hair, pulling him close to her. She knows that people might walk by, they might see them, but she doesn't care. Her chest expands with yearning when Eli deepens the kiss, and nothing really matters anymore.

_I really like you, Clare, so of course I'm okay with it._

Clare's eyes open and she pushes Eli away as the sound of Jake's voice goes through her mind, and Eli frowns. "Sorry, did I…?" he starts, but Clare doesn't stay to listen. She runs away, almost slipping when she steps on a puddle, and she can hear Eli calling after her.

She kissed another guy… Eli Goldsworthy of all people. She's going to hell.

**xxxxxxx**

Clare opens the door to her apartment, fumbling with her keys as she does. She closes the door behind her and she gasps for breath, her heart going a thousand beats per second.

Her lips are burning. That kiss is embedded in her mind and she can't stop thinking about it. She _loved _that kiss, and that's what scares her. Clare feels like a floozy, because she is sort-of-dating Jake, even if they haven't made if official. She cheated on Jake. She's just like Jenna, the girl who stole K.C away from her; she's not any better.

This is not good, not good at all. She takes off her denim jacket and something falls on the floor, and Clare picks it up at once. It's the piece of paper that Imogen dropped, and Clare starts to unfold it cautiously.

_Aeon_

_Astir_

_Beam_

_Charmer_

_Foxy_

_Ivy_

_Joker_

_Jock_

_Pas_

_Posh_

_Pica _

_Quicksilver_

The list is neatly typed, and Clare stares at the crossed out names, Ivy and Joker. There is something scribbled with pencil at the bottom of the list, but it washed out with the rain, and Clare can only make out a couple words.

_Walker, September_ and _Nine._

Clare goes over the list again, and recognizes _Foxy_, _Quicksilver_ and_ Aeon_, because those names were on the envelope on Jake's desk.

"Walker, September and Nine," mutters Clare, walking to her bedroom. Alli is not in the apartment, but Clare hardly cares, she's still focused on the list.

She sits on her bed and thinks of calling Jake to tell him about the list, but doing so would result with Clare falling apart in front of him because of the guilt she's feeling. No, it's not really guilt, because, shockingly, she doesn't regret kissing Eli. She can't believe that she doesn't feel bad about the actual kiss, because she should. And part of her, the little rebellious part that she's always tried to ignore, wants to kiss him again.

But a little voice in the back of her head tells her, "_You can't._"


	7. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. This story idea belongs to marieloveseclare. Thanks to arctic_grey for writing **_**The Black Rose Season**_** and being a writing inspiration.**

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Ah, a few Panic references here and there. Wink wink. **

"_He grabs me by the hand, drags me to the shore and says, 'maybe you don't love me but you'll grow to love me even more.' And I…. well, I'm not surprised."_

_**My Number | Tegan and Sara**_

"This list is… interesting."

Holly J is holding the piece of paper Clare took from Imogen, her eyes narrowed as she reads it over and over again. Holly J keeps mouthing "_nine, Walker, September_," constantly, and Jake gives Clare a discreet thumbs-up.

"Call me crazy," shrugs Holly J, handing the list back to Jake. "But we are in the month of September, correct? I wonder what the nine means… can't be September 9th, that already passed…"

Jake and Clare watch Holly J pace back and forth in the deserted newsroom, and the silence becomes almost unbearable. Clare glances at her watch, knowing that in a few minutes she will have to face Eli after running away from him. Jake is still smiling at her, but Clare can't smile back, not when she's feeling this guilty.

Of course she didn't tell Jake about the kiss. She can't and she won't. She plans to set the record straight with Eli, that the kiss was just a spur-of-the-moment thing, that it was a mistake.

Deep inside, Clare knows that it wasn't a mistake at all. But she _loves _Jake, she's known him since forever, and Eli is only a mysterious guy with an alluring personality that might or might not know something about a murder.

Eli is just a temporary, hormonal crush. And it's _so_ unlike Clare to be feeling like this, so she's probably just confused. Confused, right, yes.

"Walker Hall?" muses Jake, staring right at Clare.

"Sorry?" blushes Clare, still thinking of Eli.

"Walker Hall," echoes Holly J impatiently. "The dorm. Could that possibly be the connection? Maybe they're meeting there?"

"That's it!" grins Jake. "Holly J, you're so freaking smart."

Holly J snorts derisively and gives Clare a curious look. "Has Goldsworthy said anything yet? Have you even mentioned Sadie to him? Or are you too busy fawning over him?"

Clare feels Jake tense up, and the color on her cheeks is giving her away, she's sure.

"I will. Soon."

**xxxxxxx**

He's not here.

Clare looks around the classroom in despair and realizes that Eli is absent yet again. She feels disappointed and sad, but the main emotion in her heart is guilt. Maybe he hates her; maybe he'll never speak to her again.

She takes her seat and buries her face in her arms, not wanting to emerge. She feels a hand on her back and she sits up just to face Wesley.

"Hello," he says sadly. "You look like I feel."

Wesley takes his usual seat behind Clare, and she turns around to face him, giving him an understanding smile. "I had a rough weekend," says Clare.

"Me too," nods Wesley, placing a book on top of his desk. "Dave dropped out and now I'll have to spend the rest of the semester roaming the halls by myself."

Wesley looks simply miserable, but Clare is shocked at the news that Dave dropped out. That must meant something, surely.

"Why did he drop out?" whispers Clare.

"Isn't it obvious?" frowns Wesley. "He's still mourning Sadie. His other, er, _friends, _betrayed him. Everything kind of piled up on him. But you should know that, you're friends with Eli after all."

"Can I ask you something?" says Clare hurriedly as Miss Dawes enters the classroom.

"What?" asks Wesley, suddenly defensive.

"Was Dave part of a secret society?" mutters Clare. Wesley glances around and leans in, the bridge of his glasses sliding to the tip of his nose.

"Maybe," he mumbles, and he looks afraid. "But you didn't hear it from me, okay?"

Clare wants to ask Wesley more questions but Miss Dawes is starting the lecture, so she has to turn around and face the professor. The class seems to last forever, but when Clare tries to approach Wesley at the end, he merely shakes his head and walks away without saying a word.

Nobody wants to talk, and this is getting frustrating.

**xxxxxxx**

"Cat ears!"

"Meow!"

"I'm craving some tuna, meow meow meow!"

Clare is walking out of the Smith building, just to see a couple of guys standing by the fountain. She also notices Imogen sitting nearby, completely immersed in a book. It doesn't take long for Clare to realize that the guys are making fun of Imogen.

"Hey, don't you have anything better to do?" snaps Clare irritably, and the guys just mutter some more inappropriate things before walking away. Clare sits next to Imogen, who continues to read, her lips moving soundlessly.

"Hello," says Clare, eager to ask her where Eli is. "What are you reading?"

"Invisible Monsters," says Imogen, eyes still fixed on the book. "Eli has been asking me to read it for years, so here I am."

"It's a really good book," agrees Clare.

"Very quotable," nods Imogen. "Maybe I'll use some lines for one of my monologues. I'm an actress, you know that, right?"

"I do," chuckles Clare. Imogen puts down the book, and she stares at the cover for a while before throwing it in her bag.

"I wish Jake would stop flirting with Adam's girlfriend," mutters Imogen out of nowhere. "He's going to get hurt."

"Excuse me?" asks Clare aggressively, looking up.

Jake is shamelessly flirting with Katie Matlin, the girl he got the quote from the other day. They're standing by the dining hall entrance, talking. Katie is nodding politely at Jake, and her smile is forced.

But also, Katie is dating Adam? Clare suddenly remembers when she overheard Adam, Imogen and Eli's conversation; Adam said he would text Katie. _Oh_. Clare wonders if Katie has a tattoo as well or she's oblivious to everything.

"Yeah, he talks to her… _a lot_," says Imogen in a singsong tone. "That's why I'm here, spying on them. And Adam gets so mad! I swear, Eli and Adam will soon start an I-hate-Jake-Martin club. Since he was a jerk to you, maybe you can be the secretary."

Clare laughs humorlessly, still staring and Jake and Katie. She shouldn't feel jealous, no. Jake is dating her, not Katie, and maybe Jake just wants to throw off people so they don't find out about his relationship. Okay, maybe Jake hasn't said anything about _this_ being an actual relationship, but it has to be. It just has to be.

"Anyway, thanks for yelling at those guys," says Imogen, and Clare looks away from Jake. "People always make fun of my clothing, but I thought bullying was a high school thing."

"People will always be stupid," smiles Clare, still feeling furious with Jake. "Hey, so… Eli didn't show up for class. Is he okay?"

Imogen frowns and looks away, gnawing hard on her lower lip. "He's busy," says Imogen emotionlessly.

"Oh, I thought that maybe-" starts Clare.

"He's avoiding you?" asks Imogen, glancing at Clare. "Because you ran away after he kissed you?"

Clare blushes immediately, and she swallows, her heart racing. "He, um, h-he told you?" stammers Clare.

"Of course, we're best friends," says Imogen. "_Duh._ That wasn't cool, Clare. He really likes you."

"He does?" asks Clare, and she knows that she shouldn't care if Eli does like her or not.

"He kissed you, didn't he?" snorts Imogen.

"Well, yeah, but maybe it could have been just the moment or something," says Clare. "Maybe he regrets it."

"There are only a few things that Eli regrets," says Imogen pensively. "And trust me, kissing you isn't one of them."

"I just wish I knew more about him," sighs Clare, and she's telling the truth. Not only for Jake's article, but _she _wants to know more about Eli.

"Good luck," chuckles Imogen. "Eli is the most secretive guy you'll ever meet. He will never let you in if he doesn't want to. And… he's scared right now. He doesn't say it, but I know he is."

It seems like Imogen is talking more to herself than to Clare, but that's fine, that's what Clare needs. Maybe Eli isn't the only missing piece in Sadie's murder… maybe Imogen can help too.

"How do you know?" asks Clare.

"You don't understand Eli like I do," says Imogen simply. The girl then proceeds to take off her gloves, putting them aside so she can stare at her multi-colored fingernails. Clare can't help but notice that Imogen's nails are painted with markers, not nail polish.

Just like Eli's.

"Why do you say that?" asks Clare, moving closer to Imogen.

"I've seen him suffer, you know?" says Imogen absentmindedly, her eyes still fixed on her nails. "Seen him go through tremendous loss. I don't want him to go through that again."

Imogen's dreamy look disappears, replaced for a more menacing expression. She looks angry, and hurt, but when she speaks she still sounds child-like.

"Don't hurt him," says Imogen, shrugging. "Please don't. I know his moods are mercurial and unpredictable, but he is a really cool guy underneath all that sarcasm and cynicism."

Clare says nothing and looks at the students rushing by, her heart feeling heavy. "Follow me," says Imogen, standing up, offering her hand to Clare. Clare takes it and Imogen drags her along, walking fast, causing student to giggle and stare.

"Where are we going?" blurts Clare, trying to keep up.

"You wanted to see Eli, right?" says Imogen bitterly. "Well, we'll go see him"

Imogen turns around briefly and gives Clare a cold look, almost as if she hates her for something. It doesn't fit her bubbly personality but then again, Clare doesn't really know her.

"We're going to Walker Hall."

**xxxxxxx**

Clare has only been in Walker Hall once, to visit her friend Connor. Connor got a scholarship at Harvard and left just months after their first year started, and Clare finds herself missing him. And Alli spent most of her time here while dating Drew, since this hall is where his room is located.

Imogen is still walking fast, and she keeps looking around surreptitiously, as if not wanting to be followed. They finally arrive to the dorm's common room, and Clare is surprised to see Drew, Adam and Eli sharing some laughs with Zane Park.

Zane?

"Hey, guys," says Imogen loudly, and they all turn around to look. Eli's cheerful expression disappears quickly, and Drew looks terribly uncomfortable as Adam glares at Imogen. Zane looks at the floor and coughs awkwardly, not looking at Clare.

"What are you guys doing here?" asks Adam, feigning calm.

"Clare Edwards wants to talk to you, Eli," says Imogen, letting go of Clare's hand and beckoning her to move.

"Ah," says Eli softly. "Sorry about skipping class."

"Yeah, um," Clare stares at her hands, not knowing what else to do.

"Drew, can we use your room?" asks Eli, still sounding extremely nonchalant.

"Yeah, man, of course," says Drew warmly. Clare feels a little confused; didn't Eli say that he didn't talk to Drew, at least not that much? The looks they're exchanging are of life-long friends, and this puzzles Clare.

"Come on," says Eli, walking past her, and Clare follows him. Eli walks down the hall knowingly, quickly finding Drew's room. He opens the door and Clare walks in, almost shaking.

"So," says Eli, leaning against the door. "What do you want?"

"You skipped class today," states Clare.

"The sky is blue, roses are red," shrugs Eli impassively. "Sorry, I didn't feel like going to class."

"Imogen told me you were busy," continues Clare, feeling desolated at Eli's indifference. "I just want to tell you that I don't want things to be weird between us."

Eli pierces her with his glare, his jaw clenching at Clare's words. He seems furious for a moment, but then he breathes deeply, looking away.

"I'm so sorry for running away," blubbers Clare. "I'm really sorry, I-"

"I understand," nods Eli. "I actually wanted to apologize too."

"For what?" blinks Clare.

"Maybe I rushed into things," says Eli guardedly. "I… I tend to do that. I know we're in college and all, but I tend to forget that there are girls like you who still have some decency… and maybe you were just not ready for that."

Clare stares at Eli, and an amused chuckle escapes her. "Is that what you think?" asks Clare.

"Um… yes," says Eli. "Unless I'm being a conceited asshole and you actually ran away because I'm a terrible kisser or because you don't like me at all."

"It's not that," says Clare, shaking her head. She wants to ask him if he knows anything about Sadie, she wants to know what's going on with the tattoos, if Acuity exists, if…

"Tell me then," shrugs Eli.

"I don't know you," says Clare honestly. "I'm not the kind of girl who makes out with random guys, you're right about that. But I really don't know much about you and that makes me uneasy."

There. She doesn't have to lie to him all the time.

"You know my name," smirks Eli. "Isn't that enough?"

"Not really," says Clare, smiling at him.

"You're nosy," says Eli, moving closer to her.

"You're the one who has been stalking me for months," says Clare mockingly.

"Not stalking, _observing_," says Eli dramatically. He grabs one of Clare's hands, his fingers slowly sliding between hers. Clare looks into his eyes, knowing that this is not the _I'm-sorry-about-the-kiss-this-will-never-happen-again_ conversation that they were supposed to have.

"I just want to get to know you better," says Clare quietly.

"Why? I'm not that interesting," says Eli evasively. "You'll get bored of me in three seconds."

"I doubt that," says Clare mischievously. "Unless you have something to hide."

Eli raises an eyebrow, letting go of Clare's hand. He places his hands on her hips, gently pulling her closer to him. "I don't," he says huskily. "Do you?"

_Yes,_ thinks Clare. But she just shakes his head, and Eli's fingers are possessively digging into her hips. She feels agitated at his touch, the blood in her veins feeling tremendously hot.

"Fine, we'll get to know each other," says Eli, and he almost sounds sincere. "But I have a request."

"Is it legal?" blurts Clare, making Eli laugh.

"What kind of person do you think I am?" sneers Eli. "Yes, it's legal."

"What is it?" asks Clare as Eli starts leaning in.

"Do you mind being discreet about… this thing between us?" asks Eli, his nose brushing hers.

"Um, I…" Proper sentences seems to have abandoned Clare, but Eli being so close makes her feel dizzy. "Why?"

"Just trust me, okay?" says Eli, and his breath is teasing Clare's lips. She tilts her head forward and their lips meet, and it's nothing like last time. She quickly places her arms around his waist, earning a low groan from Eli, the kiss quickly turning passionate.

Eli's teeth tug gently on her lower lip, and Clare has never been kissed like this before. Jake is always very careful during their makeout sessions, knowing that they won't go "all-the-way," and he's always cautious not too get too carried away. Clare finds that charming about him. But Eli is mercilessly attacking her lips, and Clare loves it. She wants more of him, so she tries to kiss back the same way, but Eli is too dominant. She is almost melting, she can barely feel her limbs, but her lips are very much alive.

"This is the part where you run away," gasps Eli between kisses.

"I want to stay," breathes Clare as Eli's lips start nibbling on her earlobe. Eli lets out a hoarse chuckle, and then places a long, sweet kiss on Clare's cheek.

"I'm going to regret saying this, but I have stuff to do," says Eli, his lips searching for Clare's, kissing her again. "Maybe we can hang out after I'm done? I promise you will get to know more stuff about old boring me."

"It depends on the time," says Clare, not wanting to let go of Eli. "Not too late?"

"Nah, I should be free in a few hours," nods Eli. "I'll pick you up."

"Do you know where I live?" asks Clare with wide eyes.

"I'm a stalker, but not I'm not_ that_ creepy," teases Eli.

"You're slacking on your stalking skills then," giggles Clare.

"Fine, I'll switch majors and get a Stalker Sciences degree," winks Eli, pulling her closer to him. Clare smiles shyly as Eli kisses her gently, and she wishes that things weren't as complicated as they're turning out to be.

They kiss for a few more minutes, and when Clare finally leaves Drew's room (she steps out before Eli does) she notices something. She tries not to gasp and look too obvious, so she walks away quickly, the number on Drew's door engraved in her thoughts.

"_Nine_," she whispers, almost running out of the building.

**xxxxxxx**

"Turner dropping out is very suspicious… and Walker Hall? I wonder if that's where they always meet… hmm."

"I don't know, Jake… this is making me really nervous," sighs Clare. "And I'm hanging out with Eli tonight…"

"So he's letting you in!" says Jake excitedly.

Clare holds on to the phone as she checks herself in the mirror one more time, feeling nervous. She gave Jake the censored version of her meeting with Eli, making sure that Jake knows that she absolutely hates spending time with the boy. Lying is becoming easier and easier for Clare, it seems.

"Yeah, I guess, says Clare. "His other friends might come along, but it's something, right?"

Lying, lying. She can't stop lying.

"Jake," says Clare seriously. "I um, saw you talking to Katie today."

"Who?"

"Katie? Katie Matlin?" insists Clare, trying to not sound jealous.

"Oh yeah, she wants to write for the paper," says Jake dismissively.

"Okay, but-"

"Clare, you need to ask Eli about Sadie," interrupts Jake. "Just casually mention her and see his reaction."

Clare says nothing, feeling disappointed at Jake's answer about Katie. Clare knows that Jake has always been flirtatious by nature, but they have something going on now and… Clare sighs and decides to bury her insecurities for now.

"I will," says Clare. "Hopefully we will get some alone time and then I'll ask him."

"Haha, yes, that would be perfect," chuckles Jake. "Should I be worried, though?"

"About what?" asks Clare anxiously.

"What if Eli starts liking you?" says Jake with laughter in his voice. "Or what if _you _start liking him? Should I be jealo- Oh man, I can't even finish that sentence. Eli is _so _not your type, am I right?"

Clare looks at her reflection again, listening to Jake's laughter on the other line, and thinks of the kiss she shared with Eli just hours ago.

"You're right. He's not. Not at all."


	8. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. This story idea belongs to marieloveseclare. Thanks to arctic_grey for writing **_**The Black Rose Season**_ **and being a writing inspiration.**

**A/N: Eclare goodness for you... and more. Short chapter before things get intense... ;)  
><strong>

"_It's a funny way, to make ends meet,  
>when the lights are out on every street,<br>It feels alright, but never complete__."_

_**Heavy Cross | The Gossip**_

"And then Adam threw water balloons at them... it was hilarious," chuckles Eli, glancing at Clare as he eats his ice cream cone.

Clare chuckles as they walk side by side, their hands brushing every now and then. They ended up going to a park in the other side of town, and although Clare felt a bit apprehensive at first, now she feels more comfortable walking with Eli.

"I still can't believe they vandalized your hearse," says Clare, swallowing the remains of her ice cream. "Well, I still can't believe that _you _drive a hearse."

"Aw, don't say that out loud, Morty has good hearing," says Eli teasingly, pointing his finger at the distant parking lot.

"Oh, well, excuse me," mocks Clare. They've spend the last hour talking a bit about their high school years, but nothing too personal, and Clare is starting to get anxious. She knows that she needs to talk to Eli about Sadie, but she feels terrified about approaching the subject.

"Why TU?" asks Clare conversationally. "Why did you pick this school?"

"What kind of question is that?" snorts Eli, and then he smiles at her. "But if you must know... A good friend of mine said it was the best option. And they have a decent English program. Compelling story, I know."

"It is, it is," nods Clare, a tentative smile appearing on her lips.

"So, what made _you _pick this university?" asks Eli as they arrive to an old-looking bridge. A couple families are strolling around, the sun setting on them, and Clare shrugs.

"It's going to sound really stupid," says Clare, blushing.

"Give it a try," says Eli as they both come to a stop. They're admiring the quiet river underneath them, both of them leaning on the wooden rail.

"I did it for a boy," mumbles Clare.

"Jake?" asks Eli, raising an eyebrow.

"No... his name is K.C," sighs Clare. "We dated in high school and we planned our future together. We both applied to several universities but TU was our first choice. And... I got in. He didn't."

"Oh, really?" muses Eli.

"Mhm," says Clare, remembering the day she showed K.C her acceptance letter and the look of defeat on his face. "We said that we were going to make it work anyway but we grew apart and he ended up cheating on me."

"No offense, Edwards, but you seem to pick douche bags as boyfriends," smirks Eli.

"Jake wasn't-"

"I know, but you liked him," says Eli pensively. "So... yeah."

"Well, you're not the nicest guy, you know," says Clare, nudging Eli playfully with her shoulder. Eli's smirk becomes more pronounced, but his eyes are looking at Clare with kindness. The cold breeze is chilling Clare's skin, and Eli seems to notice, because he quickly takes off his jacket and puts it around Clare's shoulders. They're close to each other, but Eli doesn't make a move and he goes back to his previous position.

"Sorry about that," acknowledges Eli. "Being a jerk. I was trying to keep my distance from you because of Martin. God, he was such a pain last semester, trying to interview me and shit."

"I really didn't know that," says Clare honestly. "When you told me... I was very surprised. Why was he bothering you so much?"

Eli is a little pale, and he seems to regret what he said. He gulps several times and then looks away, his eyes fixed on the water. Clare notices how he keeps fixing and turning the rings on his fingers, and he finally lets out a sigh.

"I don't know," he says nonchalantly, and Clare knows Eli's lying. The atmosphere is now awkward and tense, and Clare thinks of a way to bring the conversation back.

"Anyway, speaking of school... My dad almost made me drop out," says Clare, glancing at Eli. "He was worried about my safety."

"Why?" asks Eli, leaning on the rail as the wind starts messing up his hair. Clare shivers although she's wearing Eli's jacket, and she swallows before mentioning the much-dreaded elephant in the room.

"Sadie Rowland."

Clare's words remain suspended, and she can tell that Eli is struggling because he looks suddenly tense. His hands are grasping the rail tightly, his knuckles almost white, but when he turns to look at Clare he seems surprisingly calm.

"That was such a tragedy," he says coldly.

"Wasn't it?" says Clare sadly, her heart almost paralyzed. "It was so brutal, and unexpected… I don't get why someone would kill her. It makes no sense."

Eli looks at Clare, his green eyes darkened, and Clare wonders if it's just a trick of the light. "You didn't know her, Clare," he says dryly. "I didn't either, actually. But maybe she was involved in something she shouldn't have been."

"Like what?" asks Clare innocently.

"I don't know, it's just a theory," shrugs Eli. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Clare remembers the night when Jake told her that Eli was briefly considered as a "person of interest" in Sadie's murder, that Eli was the last person to talk to her.

_"See, the last text sent from Sadie's phone the night she died, um, funnily enough... it was sent to Eli."_

But Eli says he didn't know her. But he also said he didn't have any contact with Drew and yet…

"I like theories," says Clare brightly, snapping out of her convoluted thoughts.

"That's because you're weird," chuckles Eli. "I think she might have been in trouble… I don't know. I really don't."

Eli stops talking and Clare can feel the tension in the air, but she doesn't ask any more questions.

"Imogen told me," says Eli out of nowhere.

"What did she tell you?" asks Clare curiously.

"How you yelled at those guys who were bothering her," says Eli and Clare feels grateful for the change of subject. "Thanks. That was really nice of you."

"I don't tolerate bullying," says Clare pragmatically. "I find it stupid and sophomoric."

"You seem passionate about it," grins Eli, tugging gently on one of Clare's loose curls.

"People made fun of me in school," says Clare, feeling bitter. "And... well, it sucked."

"I can relate to that," nods Eli. "Hey, we have something in common! I'm shocked."

Clare hits him playfully in the arm and Eli grabs her hand, staring intently at the ring on her finger. He keeps looking at it and Clare blinks at him, holding her breath. Eli takes the ring off from her finger and looks at the inscription inside, reading it slowly. His lips are moving as he reads, and Clare doesn't know if she should feel embarrassed or irritated.

"_True love waits_," reads Eli without a trace of sarcasm. "Do you really believe in this?"

"I- I do," stammers Clare.

"Are you seriously waiting until marriage?" asks Eli, and he seems honestly curious.

"Are you asking me if I'm a virgin?" retorts Clare.

"Um... yeah," chuckles Eli, looking amused. "Some girls wear them but they're not, er, _pure_ anymore."

"Well, I... this is a very personal question!" winces Clare, trying to look offended.

"You're the one wearing a purity ring for everyone to see, Edwards," says Eli, moving closer. "But okay, you don't have to answer my question."

"If you must know," says Clare quietly. "Yes, I'm a virgin. Happy?"

Eli's mouth twitches but he doesn't say a word. He just looks at her like studying some odd specimen or something like that; Clare feels stupid and inexperienced and foolish and-

"You're too good for me," says Eli, still smirking. "What are you even doing hanging out with a guy like me?"

"You asked me out," says Clare sheepishly, and Eli cups her face delicately with his hands. "You don't mind? I mean, I'm sure all your girlfriends have been more experienced than me..."

"_All _my girlfriends?" laughs Eli, his thumb grazing Clare's cheek. "I think that you're under the delusion that I'm some sort of Casanova."

Clare grasps the front of Eli's shirt and giggles nervously as a couple of joggers pass them by. She looks up at Eli and realizes that her feelings for him are stronger than she thought.

"I've dated... but I've only had one girlfriend," says Eli, and he looks slightly embarrassed. "I don't fall in love easily."

Oh. Clare's heart drops a little with those words, because that means that Eli will never fall in love with her, right? Not that she wants him to, because after she gets him to open up about Sadie... she won't have to talk to him ever again. But the thought of never being able to be with Eli like this makes her heart ache terribly.

"But there is something about you," continues Eli, his voice whisper-like. "And it's scaring the shit out of me, Clare. Because we don't really know each other and..."

Clare notices that one of Eli's shirt buttons has come undone thanks to her tugging, and the tattoo is right there. She places a finger on it and Clare feels Eli shiver a little at her touch. "It's a nice tattoo," breathes Clare.

"Thanks," says Eli, slightly distant.

"What does it mean? Why did you pick this?" asks Clare stubbornly, wanting his answer so she can find a reason to hate him. Because she's falling for him, she's falling so fast, and this needs to stop somehow.

Eli doesn't respond right away; he gently removes Clare's hand with his own and remains expressionless for a few seconds before wrapping his arms around her.

"Because it's infinite. It represents infinity. Forever."

He doesn't sound sincere at all, and yet, Clare can't hate him. She simply can't.

"Do you believe in forever?" she asks just for the sake of humoring Eli.

He looks at her, his eyes warm, and he simply smiles.

"I do now."

And Clare is speechless, because this time, Eli sounded truly sincere.

**xxxxxxx**

Clare closes the door behind her and jumps in fright as she turns around. Jake is sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the TV while Alli paints her fingernails and hums to herself.

"Jake, um, hi," mumbles Clare, and Jake's face lights up as he looks at her.

"It's almost midnight, Clare," says Alli resentfully. "I have an early class tomorrow, in case you forgot."

"She was keeping me company, but you're here now," grins Jake as he stands, walking over to Clare and kissing her on the lips. "How did it go?"

Clare clears her throat and Alli sighs exasperatedly, grabbing all of her beauty items from the coffee table. "Fine, you guys have your little secret meetings and whatever," says Alli crossly. "Maybe next time you can go have your makeout sessions at Jake's dorm!"

Alli retreats to her room angrily and Jake gives Clare a quizzical look. "What is going on with her? Is she PMSing or what?"

"Jake! No," snaps Clare. "She's still hung up on Drew and she's kind of tired of walking in on us. Please be understanding."

"Fine," says Jake, rolling his eyes.

"But what are you doing here anyway?" asks Clare. "It's a little late."

"I wanted to know about your outing with Goldsworthy," says Jake, and they walks over to the couch and sit close to each other, holding hands. "Did he mentioned Sadie?"

"Yes," says Clare, a pang of guilt making her stomach hurt. "But he claims he never talked to her."

"Bullshit," says Jake, shaking his head. "I have the cell phone records. He's lying. This means he does know something, Clare, he really does. I wonder if he's trying to protect someone or... Hmm."

"I don't know, but maybe you should back off this story," says Clare squeakily.

"Sorry?" blurts Jake, frowning. "Why would I do that?"

"He's not going to speak," sighs Clare. "He never will."

"He will talk to you," insists Jake. "Because he likes you."

Clare lets go of Jake's hand, shock waves running through her body. "Wha-what?"

"Katie Matlin is dating Eli's best friend," sneers Jake. "When I was talking to her earlier she let it slip that Eli is um, _interested _in you. She didn't notice her slip but I sure did. That makes things easier!"

"Jake, no!" says Clare, standing up. "I can't play with his feelings!"

"Why not?" says Jake, also standing up as annoyance shines in his eyes. "He's a jerk who probably killed Sadie or knows the person who killed that innocent girl! I talked to Dave Turner after our phone call and he wouldn't talk but he said to talk to Eli. He sounded pissed off so I'm _sure _that Eli is the key to everything!"

"He's a human being!" yells Clare.

"Why are you being so defensive?" huffs Jake. "Wait. Do you actually like the guy? Because if you do, I'm going to kill him, I swear to God."

"You're being ridiculous," says Clare evasively. "Why are you acting like this?"

"Because you're my girlfriend, Clare," says Jake, and the pain in his voice is suddenly obvious. "Because even if you're helping me with this ambitious project of mine, you're what matters the most to me."

Jake moves closer to her and kisses her passionately, and Clare's heart starts racing when Jake deepens the kiss, causing her to tangle her fingers in his hair. Jake's tongue is moving hungrily against hers, and Clare wonders if she tastes different, if he can tell that she has been kissing someone else.

Because just a couple of hours ago, she was making out with Eli Goldsworthy in the back of his hearse.

Jake pulls away after giving Clare a softer kiss, and he is breathing heavily, looking somewhat miserable.

"Jake, what-" starts Clare, but Jake grabs one of her hands and presses his lips against it, closing his eyes as he does.

"Clare... I love you."


	9. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. **

**Author's note: Thank you so much for your reviews! I'm soooo not worthy. Don't hate me too much for the first part, okay? Hang in there. Also, cookie points for those who spot the Literati/Panic references. **

"_I need another reason, tell me to breathe  
>The dirtier the sound, the best I breathe<br>I tried to do it all for you , it didn't do anything for me."_

_**I've Got Friends | Manchester Orchestra **_

She feels dirty. Although she's standing under the shower head and the water is hot and cleansing, she feels dirty.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Not like this.

Clare closes her eyes and wraps her arms around herself, as if searching for protection. She feels Jake's hands all over her skin, she feels Jake's breath in her mouth, and she still feels _him_. Her purity ring is scorching her finger, a reminder of a promise she is slowly breaking. How did it happen?

"_I love you, Clare," repeats Jake, his hands on her hips. Clare doesn't know what to say but kisses him back, because she doesn't want him to suspect that she's already falling for Eli. Jake doesn't deserve this; he doesn't deserve this kind of deceit. Clare is a floozy who has no control over her feelings, obviously, and Jake is just trying to look out for her._

_They kiss, eager and needy, and somehow they ended in her bed, Jake sliding his hand under her shirt. His hands feel warm and Clare moans with every daring move, with every little touch. Jake presses himself against her and Clare opens her eyes when she feels that Jake is, well, ready for more. _

"_Jake, I..."_

"_Clare, you're amazing," he says hoarsely, unbuttoning her shirt. Clare just lies there, watching him undress her, watching him undress himself, and she's still not talking. He kisses her over and over again, mumbling sweet nothings into her ear. Her door is closed, but Alli is in the next room and the walls are not that thick. Clare's brain is working fast, trying to understand the enormity of what is happening. _

"_I... you can ask me to stop," says Jake nervously. "Just say the word and I'll slow down, okay?"_

_Clare feels terrified and uneasy, but she wants to show Jake that she loves him. She has loved him for years, hasn't she? And true love waits, right? And what is this if it isn't true love? _

Jake is fast asleep on her bed, and here she is, taking a shower to erase him away. She wasn't ready for this, not at all. So, they didn't go _all the way_, but Jake touched her in ways nobody had ever touched her before. Clare remembers the chills running down her spine when his fingers pushed inside of her, making her feel lightheaded. She touched him too, awkwardly and slowly, but Jake seemed to enjoy it.

Her head hurts, but the thing that bothers her the most is that her soul feels broken. And for some unexplainable reason, she feels like she cheated on Eli.

She finishes taking the shower and dresses quickly after she's done drying herself, not bothering with her hair. She walks back to her room and she sees Alli drinking a glass of milk in the living room, and Clare blinks dazedly.

"Alli, it's late," whispers Clare.

"You're happy, aren't you," says Alli pensively. "It was always me, the one who was happy. And now you have everything. Where did I go wrong, Clare-bear?"

Clare walks over to the couch and sits next to Alli, hugging her close. Alli starts crying into Clare's shoulder and they both hold to each other for a while. "I miss Drew," sniffles Alli. "I miss him so much."

"He's an idiot," says Clare angrily. "He's a jerk for cheating on you. You deserve better."

Alli takes a deep breath and laughs nervously, sniffling again. "Clare… don't ruin this thing with Jake. He's the one for you… don't ruin it."

Clare hugs Alli again, her eyes wide open, and she's unable to speak.

**xxxxxxx**

"You're really quiet today," says Eli, interrupting his scribbling to look at her.

"I'm tired," blushes Clare, not looking at him in the eye. "You know, went to bed late and all."

"I had a great time last night," smiles Eli, and brushes the top of her hand with his finger. Clare looks around, hoping that no one saw that, but her classmates are busy working on the assignment Miss Dawes handed out earlier.

"Me too," says Clare, trying to reciprocate the smile. She is still thinking of Jake and how he kissed her before leaving her apartment, promising her to take her out on an actual date soon. Clare can't help but think that there was guilt in Jake's face, and that maybe he regrets what happened. Hopefully not.

"I really appreciate what you did for Imogen," says Eli somberly. "You stood up for her even though you haven't known her for that long. And you said that you want to get to know me better... so, I think that it's time to tell you about something I haven't been completely honest about."

Clare sees Wesley glaring at them, and her cheeks feel hot. Is Eli finally going to talk about Sadie? The secret society? She feels terrible because Eli is opening up to her and she keeps hiding information from him. She looks at her purity ring and shame takes over her emotions, but she can't let Eli see this.

"That sounds intriguing," smiles Clare. "Looking forward to it."

"Good," grins Eli. "That's great. Can I ask you something? Would you ever consider getting a tattoo?"

"A ta-tattoo?" mumbles Clare. "I don't know. I don't think so."

Oh no, Eli wants her to get a tattoo, doesn't he? This definitely means that he is talking about the secret society. Is Eli going to ask her to join? This is way more than she bargained for, although she knows that Jake will be delighted about this.

"Maybe I will make you change your mind," winks Eli, and he goes back to his notes as Miss Dawes walks by. Edwards... do you feel like taking a risk today?"

"You're asking a lot of weird questions," grins Clare. "It depends."

"I'll be right back, class," says Miss Dawes, and she leaves the classroom.

"Let's get out of here," smirks Eli, grabbing his books from the desk and throwing them inside his backpack, and Clare stares at him.

"Skip?" frowns Clare.

"We already sat here for most of the class," shrugs Eli. "So... what do you say?"

Clare feels a smile tug at the corner of her lips when she sees the mischief in Eli's eyes, and she nods as she starts collecting her things. The rest of the class is staring at them as they leave the classroom, and Eli and Clare are stifling their laughter as they run down the hall.

"You do know this is college, right?" mocks Eli. "You can leave a class whenever you want to."

"I know, but running makes it more fun, doesn't it?" says Clare cheerfully as they push the main doors open, sunlight greeting them once they step out.

**xxxxxxxx**

"_Charm was a scheme for making strangers like and trust a person immediately,_" reads Clare_. _"_No matter what the charmer had in mind._"

Eli is sitting next to her, their shoulders touching, and their fingers are intertwined as they hold hands. "_I can have oodles of charm when I want to_," quotes Eli, not looking at the book.

"Breakfast of Champions is one of my personal favorites," says Clare happily. "Although this copy has your scribbles all over it. Blasphemy!"

"It's not blasphemy; it's admiration," says Eli pompously. "Admiration, appreciation… but not blasphemy."

"This is a really old copy," says Clare, impressed. She holds the Vonnegut book carefully in her hands as Eli smiles smugly, finishing what's left of his candy bar. They're both sitting on Eli's bed, going through books, and Clare closes the novel.

"I'm keeping this one," she says, holding the book close to her chest.

"Stealing my books already?" sighs Eli mockingly. "Damn it, woman! What's next? Changing my wardrobe?"

"Well, you _do _wear too much black..." giggles Clare, and Eli pretends to look hurt.

"Oh, well, if you say so," he says, moving closer. "You can twist my rubber arm _anytime_."

Clare puts the book aside, her eyes locking with Eli's, and she can already feel how her heart rate is picking up. Eli pushes the rest of the books off the bed, his eyes searching for something in Clare's face, and this makes her nervous. The mood in the room has changed, and it feels heavy with something she can't quite describe, but she waits.

"There's something different about you today," Eli notes, touching Clare's chin with his finger.

"Um..." Clare blushes, thinking about what happened with Jake. "I feel the same. Nothing has really changed."

"I just missed you, I guess," says Eli as he leans in. He places his hands on Clare's waist, and slowly coaxes her into lying down, his body on top of hers. Clare holds her breath as Eli's lips tease hers, but he doesn't kiss her. Eli is merely looking at her with interest, and she feels his belt brushing her stomach.

"When I'm around you..." Eli trails off. "All I can think about is getting you to kiss me."

And Eli looks scared and terribly vulnerable, as if he just confessed the darkest secret ever. Clare wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him in, closing the gap between their lips. Eli is kissing her gently and sweetly, and all the memories from the previous night are gone from Clare's mind.

Clare parts her lips, allowing Eli to deepen the kiss. Clare is marveled by the way their tongues move in sync, as if it has always been meant to be this way. Her soft moans are muffled as Eli starts kissing her faster and aggressively, and she feels one of his hands starting to slide under her shirt. But it feels okay, and she wants this.

She really does.

Eli lets go of her lips as his hand trails upward, touching the fabric of Clare's bra. He's looking at her as if asking for permission, and Clare can't help but giggle. "You should look at your face," she says shyly.

"Clare, I don't want to pressure you into anything," he says seriously. "I know about your ring and your vow and... er, I can live without this."

_But I can't,_ thinks Clare, and this thought surprises her.

"I trust you," says Clare quietly.

Eli's expression changes, and she can see the lust in his eyes as his hand moves to Clare's back, swiftly unhooking her bra. Clare lets out a little gasp when Eli's fingers slide under her bra, barely touching her sensitive skin.

"_Fuck_," breathes Eli, crushing his lips against Clare's. Their kissing is different now, its full of want and electricity, and Clare arches her back as Eli continues to touch her. It feels amazing, and a million sensations are running through her body, and she wants more and more.

Eli's lips move to her neck, his tongue making her shiver as he traces circles on her skin with it. He starts unbuttoning her blouse and she lets him, not because she feels that she _needs_ to let him do it, but because she _wants_ him to do it. She doesn't want to overthink this.

Eli places kisses all over her collarbone, then he pushes aside the bra and his mouth is on her breasts, her stomach, everywhere. Every single spot he kisses it's like he's leaving a mark, she can feel how her skin is burning, and Clare had never felt like this before. Eli moves up and kisses her on the lips again, and then he chuckles against his lips.

"What?" Clare asks, wondering if she's doing something wrong.

"You're just too fucking perfect," he says, and then he collapses next to her, quickly wrapping his arms around her.

"You stopped," says Clare, trying to not sound too disappointed.

"I don't want to do, um, stuff in here," says Eli. "People come in here all the time, Ross Hall's residents have no respect for personal boundaries. Just like my parents. I will never forget that time when I was with Julia and-"

Eli stops talking, and he stares at the ceiling instead. Clare's chest is pressed against his, so she can feel how Eli's heartbeat is too fast, how his heart seems to be threatening to burst out of his chest. Eli remains silent, so Clare takes this opportunity to slide her hands between them and fix her clothing, and then she kisses him on the cheek.

"Talk to me," says Clare.

"Ha, I don't know if you want to hear my sob story," he mumbles, cuddling closer to her.

"Tell me yours, I'll tell you mine," says Clare, taking in Eli's scent and warmth.

"Um... Julia was my first girlfriend," he says shakily. "Imogen, Adam, Julia and yours truly used to hang out all the time. Good times."

"What happened?" asks Clare.

"Julia died," says Eli heavily. "She got hit by a drunk driver while she was riding her bike... It was horrible. I can't forget the funeral; they had a closed-casket ceremony and all. I was never able to see her again."

"I'm so sorry," says Clare sincerely, kissing him on the cheek again.

"Yeah... well," says Eli, clearing his throat. "Stuff happens."

"Is that why you're so... guarded?" asks Clare.

"Perhaps," says Eli numbly. "I don't know. My life has been a little messed up ever since she died... I spent much of my time trying to find the bastard who killed her. The guy or woman drove off after the accident. I still don't know who it was. My belief in god was already in trouble at the time, but I lost all faith after that."

"God's actions are hard to understand sometimes," says Clare softly.

"Well, if he does exist, he's kind of a dick," says Eli spitefully. "Sorry. I... Sorry."

Clare holds him closer and Eli does the same, giving her a sad smile. "What's _your_ sob story, Edwards?"

"Nothing compared to this," says Clare in embarrassment.

"Aw, a nun hit you with a ruler?" teases Eli.

"Yes! I couldn't move my hands for days," says Clare sarcastically.

"Wow, you deserve an award for that," continues Eli. "Seriously, when you wake in the morning I bet you only need two more miracles to be a saint."

"The funny thing is, they used to call me Saint Clare at my old school," says Clare sadly. "I was very... conservative and withdrawn. I changed when I started dating K.C, but I was still too much of a _prude_, apparently.

"Meh, Guthrie turned into a bully anyway," says Eli dismissively. "He wasn't worth your time."

"Yeah...Clare stops, realizing something. "Wait. How do you know his last name? And how do you know that he turned into a bully?"

"You told me," says Eli quickly.

"I did?" asks Clare, raising an eyebrow. She doesn't remember ever mentioning that to Eli, but if he says she did... No, wait. She _really_ never mentioned this to him. How does he know?

"Eli-" starts Clare, but Eli's phone starts ringing and he moves away from her. "Yeah?" says Eli into the speaker. "Are you ready?"

Clare lies there, realizing that she really doesn't know Eli at all. Her feelings for him are too complicated right now, and this, well, _sucks._

"Clare," says Eli, hanging up. You said you trust me, right?"

Clare sits on the bed and fixes her hair, nodding. Eli seems hesitant before speaking, and he digs his hands in his pockets, not looking directly at her.

"I have something to show you."

**xxxxxxx**

The Wilson building has been neglected for years now. The only reasons why the school hasn't gotten rid of it is due to budget issues, and because it's of sentimental value to the TU alumni. Stories of intense partying and mysterious disappearances are part of the building, and Clare has heard way too many anecdotes from Jake.

_And this is where Sadie was found,_ thinks Clare anxiously.

But now they're heading over there, Eli's hand holding Clare's tightly, and she feels dizzy. Eli looks around to make sure that no one is following them, and he takes a key out of his pocket, unlocking the front door. They walk down the hallway in silence, their footsteps echoing and loud, and Clare notices that everything looks clean and tidy. She expected ruins and dirt, but it seems that someone has been attending to the building.

Eli stops in front of two heavy wooden doors, and Clare can hear people talking on the other side. Eli turns around, his face flushes, and he lets go of Clare's hand.

"They know we're friends, but only Adam and Imogen know what's really going on between us," explains Eli. "I don't want the rest of them to know yet."

"Them?" blurts Clare. Eli considers her for a second and then gulps, his features tainted with nerves.

"I trust you," says Eli, still sounding cautious. You have to promise me that you will never talk about what you're going to see tonight. I had my doubts about you witnessing this part of my life, but Imogen insisted to, um, _let you in_."

"Okay," says Clare slowly, barely able to breathe.

"Do you promise to never talk about this?" asks Eli seriously.

"I promise," nods Clare, her heartbeats betraying her. All this lying is getting to her, and she doesn't know if she will able to hold on any longer. Because it's a fact that she's irrevocably falling for Eli, and hurting him is the last thing she wants to do.

But she's doing it for Jake. She made a promise to Jake first, and if that means that she has to break her promise to Eli, so be it.

"In that room," says Eli, pointing at the door in front of them. "My name is not Eli."

"Really?" mocks Clare, trying to lighten the mood. "What is it, then?"

Eli takes a deep breath, placing his hand on the doorknob, and he looks at Clare straight in the eye like he never has before.

"It's Quicksilver."

Clare doesn't even have time to wrap her mind about what Eli just said, but he's already pulling her into the old classroom, and people are standing around, drinking and talking. There is a faint smell of weed coming from the far corner of the room, and she sees how Eli wrinkles his nose in disgust at it.

"Guys, not in here," he says.

The room goes suddenly silent, and Clare glances all over the place, her heart thudding. Drew Torres, his girlfriend Bianca, Zane Park, Katie Matlin, Adam Torres, Imogen Moreno, Declan and his sister, Fiona. They're are all here.

"What is she doing here?" snaps Fiona.

"Where's Pica?" asks Eli, ignoring Fiona.

"Won't be able to make it... she's busy," shrugs Zane, smiling at Clare.

"What's going on?" mutters Clare.

"As all of you know, Clare here stood up for Imogen the other day," says Eli proudly. People murmur their approval and Imogen lets out a little squeal.

"Protecting one of us is quite an admirable thing," says Declan, raising his glass of champagne.

"One of _us_?" asks Clare, feigning ignorance. "I don't understand..."

"We're Acuity," says Adam brightly. "We're a secret society on campus. This society has been around since the 80s, and it was founded by someone we like to call... _Snake_."

"What do you guys do in here?" asks Clare, feeling like she's about to pass out.

"Ah, one thing at a time," says Eli, smirking. "Let me introduce you to everyone in here."

"I know him," says Clare, pointing at Drew, who blushes intensely. Bianca shoots Clare a dirty look and wraps an arm around Drew possessively.

"So this is why you grew distant from Alli," mentions Clare casually, looking at Drew.

"Yeah, I... yeah," says Drew sheepishly, gazing adoringly into Bianca's eyes.

"You already know I'm Quicksilver," says Eli. "Adam is Aeon, Katie is Astir, Zane is Beam, Declan is Charmer, Fiona is Posh-Eli's lips curl up when he says this, Imogen is Foxy, Bianca is Pas, and Drew is Jock. Pica isn't here today, she rarely makes it to meetings, but you'll get to know her eventually."

"Is she joining?" asks Katie, narrowing her eyes. "Isn't she like, _friends_ with Jake Martin?"

"No, not anymore," says Eli crossly. "Or did you miss the fight they had weeks ago?"

"Well, last time I talked to him he seemed very vague about the nature of his relationship with Clare," says Katie simply, crossing her arms.

"Ignore her," says Eli, rolling his eyes. "Clare, we want you to join Acuity. You're perfect for it."

"What?" scoffs Katie.

"Yay!" says Imogen happily, running over to Clare and hugging her tightly. "I really like you, Clare Edwards!

"Um, thanks," blushes Clare as Imogen lets go.

"I don't see why not," shrugs Adam, giving Eli a knowing smile.

"No complaints from me," says Declan, glaring at Fiona, who still seems upset about the whole thing. Katie says nothing and continues to stare blankly at Clare, and Zane gives Eli the thumbs up.

"What do I have to do?" asks Clare.

"You already did something to earn your place... protecting Imogen," nods Eli. "Soon you will find out why this is relevant. And…" Eli shows his tattoo, and then beckons the rest of the group to do the same.

Adam turns around and Clare can see the circle on the back of his neck; Katie lifts her shirt from the back to reveal a circle on her lower back; Bianca has the tattoo located on her ankle; Drew has it on his shoulder blade. Zane smiles kindly at her as he shows the circle on his upper arm; Declan makes Clare blush when he lifts his shirt to show the circle on his chest. Fiona hesitates before showing the tattoo on the back of her ear, and Imogen happily shows hers, which is next to her belly button.

"This is why you asked me about getting a tattoo," says Clare.

"Yes," nods Eli. "So, are you in?"

Clare looks at the group and then back at Eli, and everything seems suddenly connected. She needs to find out what this society had to do with Sadie's death, with Dave dropping out. The only way to solve this mystery, to help Jake, is to join Acuity. She never expected to get this lucky, and she tries to push away the thoughts of imminent betrayal that are currently haunting her.

"I... Yes. I'm in."


	10. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. **

**Author's note: Thank you so much for the reviews, and thank you for continuing to support Eclare. **

"_And I will make sure to keep my distance, say "I love you" when you're not listening  
>How long can we keep this up?<br>And please don't stand so close to me, I'm having trouble breathing  
>I'm afraid of what you'll see right now."<em>

_**Distance | Christina Perri**_

"_Alli is in there," mumbles Clare softly. "But thanks for walking me to my door."_

"_No problem," says Eli. "And Clare? You can't tell anyone about Acuity. It's vital that this society stays secret."_

"_Don't worry about it," says Clare, and Eli suddenly kisses her fiercely, his lips moving fast against hers. He lets go quickly, and Clare barely exhales, her skin crawling with want. _

"_Good night," smirks Eli, and he walks away. _

"You're in. Holy Mary- _sorry, Clare_- you're in."

Clare stops daydreaming about the last time she saw Eli, and she realizes that she's still in Holly J's office. Great.

Jake covers his face with his hands, sighing with delight as he sits on top of Holly J's desk. Clare slumps in her seat, staring at her hands sorrowfully.

"Did you see the rest of the members?" asks Holly J behind her desk. "And Martin, take a seat. A _proper _seat."

"No, they had their faces covered," lies Clare. "And it all happened two days ago, everything is a blur… I don't know who they are."

"But Acuity exists!" says Jake excitedly. "It's not a myth at all. And Eli is the leader-"

"I don't know that," interrupts Clare. "Just because he asked me to _join_…"

"Silence," says Holly J brusquely, rubbing her temple with her fingers. "You two are giving me a headache."

Clare and Jake sit in silence as Holly J goes through piles and piles of notes, her eyes a blur as she reads. After a few minutes, Holly J takes a binder and looks through it, looking up to meet their eyes. She smirks and looks back at the binder, parting her lips to speak.

"I got this from the Toronto Homicide Squad," says Holly J smugly. "Goldsworthy is _still _a person of interest. They're still investigating him. Do you want to know why?"

Clare feels her insides turn cold, but Jake looks immensely pleased. Holly J takes their silence as an affirmative response, and she starts reading.

"_Elijah Goldsworthy is still being pursued as a person of interest without his knowledge, due to some particularly interesting developments in the Sadie Rowland case_," reads Holly J. "_Also, this is not the first time Goldsworthy has been interrogated about a murder. Please refer to case #16872AGH for further information._"

Clare's eyes widen after Holly J stops reading, and the older girl smirks at her with vindictive satisfaction as she closes the binder. Eli has been interrogated before? Why? When?

"Goldsworthy was questioned after his girlfriend died, years ago," says Holly J, glancing at Clare. "But Martin, you knew that."

Clare turns to look at Jake, frowning.

"Yes, yes, but… Whoa, where did you get that? The report? How?" asks Jake in awe.

"I have my sources… better than the ones you had last semester, obviously," shrugs Holly J. "However, I need you to contact Detective Gavin Mason. They replaced the former detective with him… and he's willing to talk."

"Thanks," says Jake, standing up at once as Holly J hands him a card. "Thank you so much."

"If you don't mind, I need to talk to Clare," says Holly J, her smile forced. "If you could step out…"

Jake scrambles to get out of the room, and Clare feels absolutely terrified to be left alone with the TU newspaper editor. Holly J's eyes are narrowed to the limit, and she stands up so she can be in front of her desk. She leans her back on the desk and crosses her arms, staring at Clare with contempt.

"You're hiding something from me," says Holly J simply. "I know it, and there's no point in you denying it. You can lie to Jake all you want, but you can't lie to me. Spit it out."

"I don't know what you're talking about," blushes Clare.

"Look, I know you have a _thing _going on with Jake," says Holly J indifferently. "I could care less about that… he wants to be all secretive and whatnot about it, and that's fine. I'll pretend I don't know. But there is something you're not telling me about Eli Goldsworthy and that is pissing me off."

"I've been honest with you," says Clare, her words coming out choked. "I swear."

"Don't bullshit me, Edwards!" says Holly J, raising her voice. "I saw you. I saw you and Eli kissing."

"What!" blurts Clare, panicking. "You… what!"

Holly J leans in, and Clare swears she can count every single freckle on her skin. A knowing, cunning smile makes Holly J look even more menacing than before.

"Ah, there you go," winks Holly J. "I actually didn't see anything, I was making it up. I just wanted to see your reaction. And it worked."

"Don't tell Jake," whispers Clare, lying again. "I have no feelings for Eli whatsoever. But it was the only way to get the information."

"Oh, I don't care how you get the information," says Holly J, laughing. "You can fuck Goldsworthy for all I care. I just want to make sure you don't let your emotions get in the way."

"I won't, I promise," says Clare miserably, and Holly J pats her on the head.

"Well done, little girl," says Holly J condescendingly. "You're free to leave. Next time, make sure you bring a list with the people in Acuity, or don't bother coming in at all."

Clare stands up, and before she leaves the office she turns to face Holly J again. The editor is still smiling, but there is nothing warm about her smile, and when Holly J flashes her perfect teeth, Clare feels scared.

"Maybe you _should_ consider journalism," says Holly J smugly. "You sure know how to get information."

**xxxxxx**

"This is the text," says Jake, handing Clare a crumbled page. Clare's eyes can the phone log, and Sadie Rowland's texts from the last day she was alive are right in front of her. Clare recognizes the last digits of Eli's phone number, 4567, and she feels nauseous.

_(******* 9670) I have it. _

_(******* 4567) how did you get it?_

_(******* 9670) It doesn't matter, does it? I know who it is. _

_(******* 4567) And?_

_(******* 9670) I can't here. Let's meet. _

_(******* 4567) Does Dave know?_

_(******* 9670) No._

_(******* 4567) Good. Meet you at Wilson. Two hours._

_(******* 9670) Eli… it needs to be just the 2 of us._

_(******* 4567) Okay. Later. _

The texts are more incriminating than she thought. No wonder the police wanted to talk to Eli… and why did Sadie want to meet him? Clare's hands are shaking as she hands the page back to Jake, who rereads it, highlighting texts with a marker.

Eli definitely knows something… and Clare doesn't want to think about the possibility of Eli being the one who… no. Eli couldn't have….

"I have a date!"

Jake and Clare look up from the pile of police reports laid in front of them, and Alli twirls around happily. She's wearing a bright pink dress and too much makeup, clear signs that Alli is already feeling better.

"Congratulations," smiles Jake. "Who's the lucky guy?"

"Well, he came by the coffee shop yesterday," says Alli happily. "His name is Dave Turner. He started flirting with me and… just asked me out."

"Oh," says Clare emotionlessly.

"Dave Turner?" asks Jake, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yeah," smiles Alli. "I know he's that girl's ex, before you guys go all moral on me. He needs to move on, you know?"

"I suppose," says Clare, giving Jake a nervous look. "Do you think this is a good idea, though? Maybe he still needs time to heal…"

"Ugh, can you guys be supportive?" protests Alli, pouting. "I know he dropped out, but he seemed happy when I talked to him, so _please, _let me enjoy this moment."

"Of course, Alli, we're just looking out for you," says Clare, and Jake nods eagerly. Alli continues to pout, and Clare wants to say something positive at the exact same time her phone starts ringing.

It's Eli.

Clare stands up and answers her phone, staying as far away from Jake as possible. "Hey," she says shyly.

"Hi," says Eli, and he sounds embarrassed. "Um, what's going on? Just wanted to make sure you didn't freak out about what happened… first meeting can be overwhelming. You seemed kind of quiet when I dropped you off... And you haven't replied to my texts."

"No, it's okay," says Clare reassuringly. "I've been a little busy, that's all." Alli is modeling her dress for Jake, making "sexy" faces, and Jake chuckles at the sight.

"Do you want to work on our essay? I'm five minutes away from your apartment…" Eli laughs and sighs nervously, and Clare can't help but smile. "Not that I'm being a stalker. I'm in the neighborhood."

"Um… can you hold on for a bit?" asks Clare.

"Sure."

Clare presses the mute button on her phone and walks over to Jake, who is still chuckling at Alli. "Jake, he's on his way. You need to leave."

"Who's on his way?" asks Alli curiously as Jake starts picking up his stuff.

"Eli, my English partner," mumbles Clare.

"Ugh, I don't want to see him," says Alli, grabbing her bag, which is next to the front door. "Seeing him reminds me of when I used to meet Drew at Walker Hall and… yeah, no thank you! I'll just drive around until it's time to meet Dave."

"Call me!" says Clare as Alli walks out the door. "And you need to leave!"

"God, okay, _okay_," grins Jake, holding his papers haphazardly in his arms. "Do I get a kiss?"

Clare stands on her toes and gives him a swift kiss, closing her eyes as she does. "Aw, that's it?" winks Jake.

"Yes, you need to go now!" says Clare anxiously, pushing him.

"Clare," says Jake seriously as Clare opens the door. "I just want you to know that I don't regret… um… what happened that night."

Jake looks sad as he starts shoving the papers in his messenger bag, and he bites his lower lip fretfully as he looks at Clare. She feels the now-familiar guilt creep in, and she thinks about the conversation she had with Holly J. Jake truly doesn't deserve this at all.

"Me neither," says Clare, trying to believe it. Jake grins, relieved, and looks down the hallway. Clare notices how his expression changes as he quickly turns back to look at her, and he looks immensely irritated.

"You need to give me that book!" Jake says furiously.

"Book?" asks Clare confusedly, but that's when she realizes why Jake is acting strange.

"What's going on in here?" asks Eli, and Clare notices that she's still holding her phone. She had Eli on mute the entire time.

"Eli, this is not what it-"

"Mind your own business, emo kid," spits Jake, towering over Eli.

"Wow, I'm terrified," smirks Eli derisively. "But really, Martin, what are you doing here?"

"What are _you _doing here?" retorts Jake. "I'm just here to pick up my book… which _Clare _has kept for ages!"

Jake is overacting a little, and Clare's heart is almost killing her with tension. Eli frowns at Jake, and then glances at Clare before turning his attention back to the other boy.

"Edwards is my English partner," says Eli coldly. "So, I would appreciate it if you left her alone so we can do some actual work. Don't you have some random girl to go make out with? Seems to be your specialty."

"Are you jealous because you only get to make out with corpses?" mocks Jake.

"Clever, very clever," yawns Eli. "But you're wasting the air I breathe. And you're bothering Clare. So…"

"How do you sleep at night, knowing what you did?" says Jake, moving closer to Eli. Clare decides to intervene and stands between them, pushing both of them away.

"Jake, just leave… please," pleads Clare, and Jake nods at her.

"Fine," says Jake defensively. "But if he ends up killing you, don't say I didn't warn you!" Jake storms away, his footsteps loud and irate, and Eli glares after him.

"Are you okay?" asks Eli, placing his hands on Clare's shoulders. "You had me on hold for so long that I… I'm glad I just drove here. He could have hurt you, he's such a jerk."

"I'm fine, Eli," says Clare. "He just wanted his book back."

"Okay," says Eli, not sounding convinced. He gently cups her face and smiles, although Clare can still see the anger in his eyes. "Want to work on that essay?"

"Sure," says Clare, grabbing Eli's hand and leading him in.

**xxxxxxxx**

"You used to wear glasses."

"Stop smirking!"

"You looked cute."

Clare takes the picture away from Eli's hands, and he's still going through Clare's photo albums with the utmost interest. They worked on their essay for a couple hours, but Eli got bored and decided to raid Clare's room, finding her albums right away. "You're pretty good at this," smiles Eli.

"It's a hobby," shrugs Clare.

"Do you still take pictures?" asks Eli, grabbing another album that Clare labeled as "nature."

"No," admits Clare, running her hands over her comforter. It's nice, sitting on her bed with Eli next to her and talking about things that they both enjoy. She doesn't want to think about Acuity for now, not when that society will mean the end of… this _thing _that she is sharing with Eli.

"Why not? I mean, you're obviously a writer but… these are good," says Eli, sounding impressed. "They really are."

"I stopped taking them after my parents got divorced," says Clare sadly. "They got me a Polaroid camera the year before their split, and I felt like it was a bribe. Sounds stupid, doesn't it?"

"No, sounds fair enough," agrees Eli. "But you shouldn't let that get in the way of what you want to do."

Eli leans in, kissing her gently, and Clare smiles against his lips. "Thank you," she mutters.

"You're welcome," says Eli. "Anyway… We need to discuss your induction into Acuity."

_Great, he had to bring that up._

"Okay," says Clare, feigning interest. "Do I have to drink blood?"

"No," chuckles Eli. "But you do have to get a tattoo. It's a requirement."

"A tattoo is something permanent," says Clare critically.

"So is being a member of Acuity," says Eli, and his tone is cold.

"I still don't know what you guys do," says Clare stubbornly, and Eli looks away. He stares at the wall for a couple minutes and then he stands up, walking over to the forgotten box that Clare's dad sent.

"Is this the camera?" asks Eli, pulling out the artifact from the box.

"Yes," says Clare grimly, disappointed at Eli. He keeps avoiding questions about Acuity even though _he _invited her to join. It seems unfair.

Eli takes a picture and the flash almost blinds Clare, and she can't believe that the camera still works. Eli waits for the photo to fully develop and he shows it to Clare.

"Your eyes were closed," says Eli, almost laughing.

"I wasn't ready!" complains Clare, and Eli takes another picture. "Stop it!"

Eli is laughing as Clare gets out of bed and struggles to get the camera from him, unsuccessfully. Eli steals a kiss from her, and her arms fall limp in defeat as they move around the bedroom, kissing passionately while bumping into the few furniture items Clare has in the tiny space.

They stop kissing, their gasps audible, and Eli holds up the camera. "Smile," he says, pressing his temple against hers, and Clare looks at the lens. The flash blinds her momentarily, causing Eli to take advantage of this as he starts kissing her again.

Clare hears the flash go off again, and a sudden thud tells her that Eli dropped the camera, but she could care less. Eli's arms wrap tightly around her, pushing her against the wall as they make out intensely, their moans subdued.

"Let's…" breathes Eli, pulling away just long enough to speak. "Let's go to your bed."

Clare runs her fingers through Eli's hair, and they land on her bed, barely able to breathe. Eli's hand quickly slides under shirt, searching and touching, and she sees nothing but red. "I'm falling for you," whispers Eli into her ear.

Eli's lips trail all the way from Clare's ear to her mouth and then to her forehead, and his eyes gaze into hers.

"I…" Clare knows she feels the same way, and she wants to tell him. She wants to tell him that she really, _really _likes him, but that she doesn't trust him completely. Clare wants him to tell her what happened to Sadie… Clare wants the truth.

She wants the truth before she can tell _him _what's really going on.

Clare's phone interrupts the moment and Eli moves to the side, placing his hands on his chest as Clare looks for her phone. She finally finds it on the floor and answers, trying to regain her breath.

"Alli?" asks Clare. "What's up?"

Alli starts sobbing on the other line and Clare holds on to the phone, dreading everything. Her best friend can't stop sobbing but Clare waits, staring at Eli lying on her bed as her emotions start to spiral out of control.

"Alli, what happened?" whispers Clare, accidentally hitting the speaker button, and Eli sits up.

"Cl-Clare, I'm a-at t-the hospital," cries Alli.

"Oh my God, why?" asks Clare hysterically as Eli comes rushing to her side, concern on his face.

"Th-they shot him."

"What?"

"They shot Dave. He's dead, Clare! He's dead!"

Clare drops the phone and looks at Eli, whose face is a mixture of green and yellow, and she covers her mouth with her hand, the nausea overpowering her. She remembers Adam's words from weeks ago at the library and she feels exceptionally sick.

_"Dave is a threat to us, and you know it."_

They killed him. Acuity killed him.

Dave Turner is dead.


	11. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. How sad. **

**Author's note: You light up my liiiiiife. I added a Quicksilver FAQ post to my profile, in case you need the answer to certain questions about the fic. Okay, enough dorkiness and on to the chapter. **

_"The light collects in your eyes, turns and reflects, jumps into mine.  
>I'm a slave to the sign."<em>

_**It's True Love | Forgive Durden feat. Greta Salpeter**  
><em>

"_Alli!" calls Clare, running towards her best friend. Sav has an arm around Alli's shoulder, and her parents are talking to the cops. Another man wearing a cop uniform is sobbing as his wife holds on to him, and Clare wonders if they are Dave's parents. _

_Alli's pink dress is covered in blood, and Clare tries not to throw up at the sight of it. Alli seems emotionless, she's just standing there like a zombie, not moving at all. _

"_We will find out who did this," says a tall man with brownish-blonde hair, his words directed at both the Bhandaris and the sobbing couple. "I swear." The man is tugging at his tie angrily, and when he turns around, Clare can feel Eli tense up. _

"_Goldsworthy?" asks the man, raising an eyebrow. "How strange to see you here."_

"_I'm here with my friend," says Eli dryly, but he looks incredibly scared. _

"_Right… right…" says the man, narrowing his eyes. "I will see you around."_

_The man walks past them, a knowing smirk on his face, and Eli leans against a wall, looking incredibly pale. _

"_Are you okay?" asks Clare, and Eli nods silently. "Who was that?"_

"_Detective Mason," says Eli, and something seems to change in his face. "I need to make a call. I'll be right back." _

_Eli brushes Clare's cheek with the side of his hand before walking away, and Clare feels uneasy. _

**xxxxxx**_  
><em>

"Ahem. Hmm. Hmm." Mr. Bhandari keeps glancing at his watch, but he's dead quiet, and Sav gives them a nervous smile.

Clare stares at the cup of tea, watching how the bottom of the cup is darkened with the dregs from the leaves. She can't stop thinking about the scene at the hospital, and she knows that Eli can't either.

"So, Alli mentioned a new boyfriend," says Sav awkwardly, glancing at Eli. "I mean, she mentioned you had a new boyfriend."

"Um, no, I... no," blushes Clare, horrified. Alli must have mentioned Jake at some point, and she can't afford Eli to know.

"We're not dating," says Eli quickly. "We're just English partners."

"I don't think she meant yo-" starts Sav, but then Mrs. Bhandari walks into the kitchen, looking extremely tired.

"She finally fell asleep," sighs Mrs. Bhandari, taking the seat next to her husband. "She wouldn't stop crying. Thanks for staying, Clare."

"No problem," says Clare, pushing the cup away. "Does she still need to talk to the cops?"

"Yes," says Mr. Bhandari, closing his eyes.

Clare flinches, remembering how happy Alli seemed before going out on her date with Dave. She seemed to be herself again and now… everything is definitely not okay.

Eli keeps checking his phone and this strikes Clare as suspicious. Was she used as an alibi? But then Clare thinks of the way Eli held her while she broke down at the news of Dave's death, how fast he drove to get to the hospital…

But Eli's reaction to Detective Mason was too raw to ignore. Eli seems sick, because his cheeks are pale and his eyes are slightly red, and Clare wants to ask him why he was so upset when they were at the hospital.

"I can't believe someone just shot that dude," says Sav, scoffing. "A drive-by shooting in that neighborhood seems so random."

"Alli should stay with us, for now," says Mrs. Bhandari. "We'll send you a check for half her rent, of course. But… you understand, right?"

"Yes, yes, absolutely," nods Clare. "I… I'll come back tomorrow, if that's okay with you… and if she's up for it."

"That would be nice," says Mrs. Bhandari, elbowing her husband. "Wouldn't it?"

"Yes," says Mr. Bhandari dryly.

"Um… we should go…" says Eli, slowly standing up. "Give you guys space and… yeah."

Sav stands up and nods meaningfully at his parents, and follows Eli and Clare out of the kitchen. "Thanks, guys," he says sincerely. "I'm still so shocked about this thing and… we really appreciate you being here for Alli."

"She's my sister," says Clare modestly. "Least I could do."

Sav opens the door for them and they say their goodbyes, Clare's heart feeling heavier and heavier as they approach the hearse.

"Hold on," says Eli, and he steps aside, hiding behind the bushes on the Bhandaris' front lawn.

"What-"

Eli starts throwing up, and Clare stands there, not knowing what to do.

"Do you need help?" asks Clare stupidly.

"No… don't… touch… _anything_…" heaves Eli, catching his breath. "Oh, fuck, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"It's okay…" Eli wipes his mouth with his sleeve, and Clare quickly reaches for some gum in her bag. "Gum?"

"Yeah… thanks," mumbles Eli, taking the piece from her and avoiding her eyes. "I keep thinking about the blood. Sorry again."

Eli chews slowly as the night air cools them down, and Clare leans against Morty, crossing her arms. "Um… How do you feel about… everything?"

"Everything as in…?"

"Dave," says Clare. "Dave is dead, Eli. You had a fight with him the day we were waiting outside the classroom. You knew that guy, somehow."

"It's an unfortunate situation," says Eli blankly. "Come on, I'll drive you home."

"Eli, stop avoiding this!" cries Clare, and Eli takes a step back. "Dave was in Acuity, wasn't he? And so was Sadie Rowland."

Eli glares at her, his lips twitching and he lets out an exasperated sigh. "Fucking hell, I don't want to deal with this," says Eli, walking over to her. "Let's just get out of here."

"I'm not going anywhere with you until you tell me what's going on," blurts Clare angrily. Eli considers her for a second, and then pulls out his keys to unlock Morty.

"Fine, stay here," says Eli furiously, and Clare steps away from the hearse.

"Why won't you talk to me?" yells Clare, tears running down her cheeks. "You have all these walls, you don't let me in-"

"Because if I talk to you, I'm going to lose you!" yells Eli back. "You just don't understand, Clare!"

"You're already losing me," deadpans Clare. "Just… leave."

Clare notices how Eli's hands are shaking, but Eli only gives her a cold look and gets into Morty. She watches him drive away and her head starts hurting, the emotions finally getting to her.

"I'm guessing you'll need a ride."

Clare smiles shyly as Sav walks over to her. "My parents were concerned when they heard yelling…" Sav nods toward the window, and Clare giggles when she sees the Bhandaris staring right at her.

"Thanks, Sav."

"You two are so much _more _than English partners," teases Sav, beckoning Clare to follow him, and she says nothing.

Because Sav is absolutely right.

**xxxxxxxxx**

_TU mourns death of former student; murder shocks staff_

_By Jake Martin | Managing Editor_

_TORONTO, Ontario — After freshman Sadie Rowland was murdered last semester, things seemed to be getting back on track for TU. But now former student Dave Turner's (who was also Rowland's boyfriend at the time of her death) tragic demise has sent shock waves through the student body. _

_Turner was last spotted at a pub with his date, and he was the victim of a drive-by shooting after leaving the establishment. His companion, whose name hasn't been released, wasn't hurt and is expected to fully cooperate with local authorities. _

"_He was such a nice guy," says fashion merchandising major Fiona Coyne, who was a close friend of Turner's. "I can't believe he was killed, especially when his girlfriend was just killed as well. Such a tragedy." _

_TU officials have no comment on whether-_

Clare puts down the paper, and Jake and Holly J are staring right at her. "Um…" Clare clears her throat and frowns. "Eli was with me, so it wasn't him."

"It had to be someone from that society," says Holly J, snatching the paper from Clare. "This is too much of a coincidence. Nobody saw the car except his date, who happens to be your best friend, right?"

"Right," nods Clare.

"Will she talk to us?" snaps Holly J.

"Not right now, it just happened last night," says Clare defensively. "She's not okay."

"Well, as soon as she stops crying she needs to get it together and talk to Jake," says Holly J impatiently. "And _you _need to tell me who is in Acuity. You're just wasting our time and-"

"Holly J, we're having some problems with the pages." Anya walks in, holding a stack of newspapers. She glances around the office and her eyes fix briefly on Clare, and she smiles at her.

"Hey, haven't seen you in a while," says Anya happily. "Last time I saw you, you had a soda for Jake… oh. Sorry. You guys had a fall-out, right? Are you friends again or-"

"What's the problem?" interrupts Holly J.

"Oh!" Anya smiles and fixes her hair with her free hand. "For some reason it won't let me fit some pictures into their frame, and I keep trying to fix it. But it won't let me go over a certain amount of picas and I need help."

Holly J rolls her eyes and walks out of the office, and Anya waves at Clare before walking after the editor.

"Designing a paper can be rough," shrugs Jake. "Thank God I don't have to mess too much with it."

"Jake, this is getting dangerous," says Clare quickly. "Dave got killed, Alli could have gotten killed… I don't think we should go through with this."

"I…" Jake winces, and stares at a spot on the floor. "I know."

But Jake looks heartbroken and disappointed, and Clare knows that they have to go on.

"I have to give you names, tell them what they do, and find out about Sadie," says Clare, moving closer to Jake. "And now Dave. And we're done, right?"

"Yes," says Jake, sounding hopeful. "And I'll make sure nobody hurts you."

"Okay," nods Clare. "I'll try to do this."

"Or you could tell me to fuck off," grins Jake. "Clare, I hope that you realize that I _do _love you. Please."

"I know, Jake," she smiles. "I know."

**xxxxxxxxxx**

Her homework has been piling up to frightening amounts, so she decided to skip one of her classes and head to the library to find some books. Clare is trying to get out of there as quickly as she can, but as soon as she enters one of the aisles, her mind forgets about homework.

Imogen is leaning against a bookshelf, and it's obvious that she has been crying. Fiona, Katie and Adam are talking to her quietly, and Fiona puts an arm around Imogen's shoulder.

Katie grabs a book from Imogen and giggles, and Clare can't help but notice that it's a copy of Invisible Monsters. Wow, Eli must be telling all of them to read that book. It's truly fantastic novel, but this is weird.

Imogen wipes her nose with her sleeve and smiles at them, and Adam gives him a hug before they leave the girl alone. Imogen looks after them, her back still against the bookshelf, and Clare waits until the rest of them are out of sight.

"Imogen?" asks Clare kindly, but the girl doesn't look at her.

"Hello, Clare Edwards," smiles Imogen sadly. "Such a nice day to be alive, isn't it?"

"Yes… you look sad," says Clare gently, standing next to her.

"I'm a little sad," squeaks Imogen. "But I will be okay."

"Anything I can do to help?" asks Clare.

Imogen looks at her and her eyebrows twitch, her eyes widening. She sighs melodramatically, and drops her books on the ground for a dramatic effect.

"_Don't be trying all the time to fix things_," drawls Imogen. "_What you run from only stays with you longer. When you fight something, you only make it stronger_."

Clare blinks confusedly and Imogen smirks, the smirk eerily similar to Eli's.

"I'm practicing, for my monologue!" grins Imogen. "I've been reading Palahniuk every minute of every day. Katie is going to help me practice. She's so cool."

"Oh, that's great," chuckles Clare uneasily. "Um, you're good!"

"Yeah, Eli doesn't like helping me practice my lines," pouts Imogen. "Adam would rather play videogames. Sadie used to help me and then-"

Imogen covers her mouth with her hands and her face is burning red, and she looks afraid.

"Are you talking about Sadie Rowland?" frowns Clare.

"No!" says Imogen hysterically. "Sadie who? I meant Jodie, yes, Jodie-"

"You said Sadie," says Clare stubbornly. "Is that why you were crying? Because you knew Sadie and Dave?"

"No, no, no," blurts Imogen, avoiding to look at Clare. "You're putting words in my mouth, and I'm tired of people doing that, and-"

"You knew her," states Clare. "You did, and you're lying to me."

"What if I did?" snaps Imogen, sounding like a little kid. "Okay, she was my friend, but that's none of your business!"

"What happened to Sadie?" asks Clare.

Imogen looks up, breathing heavily, but she is not saying a word. It looks like she wants to talk, though; as if she wants to confess to something, but Imogen starts picking up her books instead.

"Imogen, please," insists Clare.

"Look, she died, okay?" blurts Imogen. "She… she died. Just let it go."

"Dave is dead, Imogen!" cries Clare impatiently, and people in the library turn to stare at the two girls.

Imogen's eyes start filling up with tears, and when she tries to speak the only thing that escapes her mouth is a strangled sob. Imogen shakes her head and runs away, leaving Clare standing all alone and confused.

Clare is about to walk out of the library when a hand closes on her shoulder, squeezing gently. She freezes as the person behind her leans in, and lips brush the back of her ear.

"If you have any questions about Sadie Rowland, you should talk to me."

"Eli," breathes Clare, dread consuming her.

"You want to talk about Sadie? Fine, we will," says Eli crossly. "But leave Imogen alone."

"I don't want to talk to you right now," says Clare, hurt. "You were a jerk to me yesterday."

"Do you want to know the truth or not?" snaps Eli. "I don't have all day."

"I do, but-"

"Not in here," mutters Eli, glancing at the students surrounding them. "Come on."

Eli walks away quickly, not letting Clare respond at all, but she follows him anyway.

**xxxxxxxxxx**

"We try to meet here as often as we can… Sometimes the campus police will be around so we end up meeting at Walker Hall," says Eli as he closes the door behind him. The room still has that lingering scent of weed, and Clare sits down on one of the old-looking couches.

"I don't smoke it," says Eli, wrinkling his nose.

"Sorry?"

"Weed… I don't do pot," says Eli, looking embarrassed. "Some people in Acuity do but… yeah, nah. Not my thing."

Eli sighs, his eyes examining the room, and he finally looks at Clare. "Sorry for being an asshole. I can be unpredictable, I know."

"You're _Quicksilver_, after all," says Clare sardonically.

"I don't want you to be mad at me," says Eli shamefacedly. "And I really don't want to lose you… and if keeping you means opening up, then… I will. I'll talk."

Eli sits next to her, his hands clutching his own knees. "Sadie… Sadie was a good friend of mine. She really was."

"You said you didn't know her," says Clare, reminding him.

"I lied, okay? I'm still not over her death," says Eli, sounding pained. "She was… She meant a lot to me." Clare frowns, wondering if Eli and Sadie were more than just friends. Maybe Eli was in love with her and-

"I know what you're thinking," says Eli, glancing at her. "No, it wasn't like that. I really, really liked her. She made me laugh and she listened to me… she was a great friend. I love Imogen and Adam, but it was different with Sadie somehow. Even when she started dating Dave, she would always make time for me."

"Was she in Acuity?" asks Clare quietly.

"Yes, she was Ivy," says Eli sadly. "You know, she was so tall and she always seemed to get taller… growing all over the place…"

Clare reaches out for Eli hand, slowly intertwining her fingers with his, and Eli smiles sorrowfully. His thumb traces circles on her hand, and they're both silent, and Clare feels almost guilty for bringing up Sadie.

"One morning she called me and she said that there was a traitor amongst us," continues Eli. "She asked me to meet later that night, we decided to meet here. When I approached the building I heard a gun shot… and I just ran away. I didn't stay to see what happened, who it was… I was a coward."

"I would have done the same thing," says Clare, pressing her forehead against Eli's cheek.

"No, you're a better person than I am," says Eli. "I didn't kill her, Clare. Most people on campus for some reason think I killed her. Including Jake Martin."

Clare moves away from Eli, quietly guilty. "I… I believe you."

"And this is why I wanted to keep things between us a secret," says Eli, looking into her eyes. "Julia died… now Sadie… I don't want you to get hurt."

"Oh." Clare just looks at him, wanting to confess everything to him, but she can't.

"And now Dave is dead," says Eli wretchedly. "I never had to chance to talk to him after our fight. I never had the chance to say that I'm sorry."

"Sorry about what?" asks Clare.

"If we hadn't agreed to meet there…" Eli trails off, staring at the ceiling. "It was my fault. I don't know."

"Don't blame yourself for this," says Clare, leaning in. "Please don't. You're not the person you think you are."

"Who am I, then?" asks Eli defiantly. "Do _you _know who I am?"

"Yes," says Clare, and part of her has to say it. "You're the guy I'm in love with."

She said it. She finally said it. Although she doesn't trust him completely, although she is with Jake… she loves him. She loves Eli and she can't keep fighting how she feels anymore.

"You… you love me?" asks Eli in disbelief.

"Never mind, I shouldn't have said anything," says Clare agitatedly, and she tries to stand up but Eli holds her back, attacking her lips with his. Everything happens so fast, and it quickly goes from a simple kiss to a lustful makeout, both of them unable to catch their breath.

"God, I love you too," gasps Eli. "I've loved you since the very first day I saw you."

Clare kisses him back keenly, letting Eli's hands roam all over her body, enjoying the sensation of Eli's body slowly moving on top of hers. Eli is grinding against her, and Clare flushes when she feels how hard he is, and she can't believe she's causing this reaction on him.

"_Fuck_, sorry," says Eli, suddenly aware of what's going on. "Er… this is kind of awkward."

"No, it's okay," says Clare embarrassedly. "It really is."

"How far have you gone with a guy, Clare?" asks Eli inquisitively.

_Clare just lies there, watching Jake undress her, watching him undress himself, and she's still not talking._

"I've done… stuff," she says.

"What kind of stuff?" asks Eli hoarsely, and he sounds… sexy. His voice is deep and his eyes seem darker, his pupils wide and inviting.

"Touching… yeah, touching," mumbles Clare.

"You let me have my way the other day," says Eli, his hand sliding under Clare's shirt. "You let me kiss your skin, you let me touch your breasts… and you seemed okay with it. Is that all you've done?"

"No…" gulps Clare. "Um… I have… um…"

Eli's hand now is brushing her stomach, making Clare's skin ache at his touch. She feels how Eli is unbuttoning the top of her jeans and Clare sighs.

"Stop me whenever you want to," breathes Eli.

But she knows she won't stop him. She can't. She doesn't want to. But she nods to humor him.

Eli's fingers slide down the front of her jeans, his fingers teasing the wet fabric of her underwear. A low moan escapes her and Eli bites his lip, his fingers moving at a slow pace. He starts nibbling on Clare's neck, his teeth stinging her skin in an extremely satisfying way.

They start kissing, their mouths connected, their body heat making them sweat a little. Eli's fingers press harder against her, his movements now faster and more aggressive, and she arches her back and she moans frenziedly into Eli's mouth.

Eli stops kissing her, his mouth hovering over her lips, and Clare feels an extremely pleasurable rush take control of her. Her eyes are completely shut; her gasps loud and erratic, and she feels agitated. Slowly, gradually, she comes down from her high and focuses on the boy who is on top of her.

Eli exhales, shaking intensely, letting his breath tease Clare's chin. He removes his hand from Clare, his eyes never leaving her face. She had never felt this way before, at all.

"Do you… I…" Clare reaches for Eli's belt buckle but he gently pushes her hand away, shaking his head.

"You don't need to do anything," he says. "Um… I'll be blunt. I got off just looking at you."

Clare laughs timidly and Eli kisses her tenderly, his lips treating her gentler this time. "The walk back to my dorm will be uncomfortable but I can live with that," winks Eli.

"I need to take a shower," admits Clare bashfully.

"That sounds like an invitation," chuckles Eli mischievously.

"Maybe someday," says Clare, running her fingers through Eli's hair.

"When you're ready," nods Eli, kissing her on the forehead. They lie next to each other on the couch, their bodies pressed against each other due to the limited space, but Clare feels perfectly content with this.

"Next week you'll be formally inducted into Acuity," says Eli with enthusiasm. "Thought of the name you want?"

"Not really," blushes Clare, still feeling Eli's teeth on her neck.

"I have one… just a suggestion," says Eli sheepishly, caressing her cheek.

"Tell me," nods Clare.

"Paragon," says Eli softly.

Clare feels the warmth spread to her fingertips and pulls Eli in for a kiss, her fingernails digging on the back of his neck. "I'm not perfect, Eli," she reminds him. "I'm not. But that's sweet of you."

"Do you like it?" asks Eli cautiously.

Clare feels how her smile is starting to hurt her cheeks, and she nods. "Yeah, sounds good. And I have to get the tattoo, correct?"

"Yes, and you'll get to meet Rosso," says Eli excitedly. "He's a cool guy. Very reserved, but… he's the one who contacted me in high school and talked to me about Acuity."

"And I _still_ don't know what this society does," teases Clare.

"Isn't it obvious?" smirks Eli. "We make out with hot girls in secluded locations. Do you think you could get used to this?"

And once again, Eli has avoided answering the question with his charm. But this time, Clare doesn't really care, because Eli is kissing her fiercely.

Eli pulls away, his hair messy and his face flushed, and Clare knows that she needs to talk to Jake. She can't be with both of them anymore. Yes, she'll help Jake with his article but her heart has chosen Eli. She will tell Eli the truth eventually, and she can only hope that he will forgive her.

She can only hope.


	12. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

**Author's note: Thanks for the reviews! Happy birthday to summersetlights. Panic references in this chapter just for you. _Only for you._  
><strong>

"_What did I get into, now everything is untrue  
>Oh, your eyes tell the lies of the lines that you said<br>And now that I love you…_

_Oh, I wish we'd never met."_

_**Young Love | Gavin DeGraw**_

Jake scrapes the last remains of his pasta with his fork, eating eagerly as he yaps away with his mouth full. However, Clare is just staring at her plate, not knowing how she's going to be able to break up with Jake.

She managed to distract herself the entire morning by visiting Alli, who is still in a state of shock and denial. Clare felt helpless as her best friend sobbed into her shoulder, holding on to her tightly. Alli still doesn't want to talk about Dave, but Clare understands… it was all too tragic.

And all of this happened because of Acuity. This is what makes Clare's feelings for Eli so complicated and terrifying.

"And then Anya single-handedly made the entire server crash," chuckles Jake, wiping his mouth clumsily with the napkin. " It was hilarious. Things were pretty odd at the paper today, ha."

Clare gives Jake a tired smile, still quiet, and Jake's smile disappears as he frowns.

"Is there something wrong?" he asks in concern.

"We… we need to talk," says Clare quietly, and Jake puts his fork down.

"Whoa, sounds serious," swallows Jake. "Um… what's up?"

Clare buries her fingernails in the palm of her hand, feeling extremely awkward. This had been her dream for months, to have a relationship with Jake... and here she is, throwing it all away from some guy that makes her feel more than butterflies in her stomach.

She's letting go of safety to plunge into the dangerous unknown. Taking a risk had never been so frightening, but Clare knows that she can't back out this time.

"I don't think it's going to work out," says Clare carefully. "Between us."

"What do you mean?" asks Jake, still not taking it seriously.

"We need to break up this… whatever we're having." Clare tries to steady her breathing, nerves getting the best of her.

"Oh." Jake seems confused for a moment, and then he bursts out laughing. "You're joking, right?"

"No… I…" Clare can't look at him directly, and she can feel the tears stinging her eyes. "I need a break from us. I will continue to help you with the article but-"

"Is it because of_ that_ night?" asks Jake. "Did we go too far? Because Clare, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable with me, we've been friends since forever and…"

"That's the thing," says Clare sadly. "We're _friends_."

Jake's lips part and he looks desolated, making Clare feel like utter crap. Jake snorts in disbelief, grasping the edge of the table, the only sound in the room coming from the old refrigerator.

"Clare…" Jake's voice breaks, and he gulps as he gapes at her in incredulity. "Don't do this to me. I… I love you."

"I'm sorry," says Clare tearfully, and Jake stands up, pushing the chair away. He looks straight at her and there is fury in his eyes, and she has never seen him look so upset.

"Is it because of _him_?" says Jake spitefully. "Holly J hinted… she said that you might… Fuck, do you _like _him?"

"No!" blurts Clare, and Jake walks out of the kitchen. "Jake! This isn't about Eli! I'm not interested in him at all!"

"Do you swear?" snaps Jake, moving closer to her. "Because I will kill him, Clare. I will fucking kill him. I'll kill him tonight."

"You're shaking," says Clare, grasping Jake's hands. But Jake lets go of her, looking at her as if he were staring at a complete stranger. Jake paces back and forth, muttering to himself, saying things that Clare can't understand. Then all of a sudden, he stops.

"Because you do know that I'm going to find out everything, right?" says Jake, narrowing his eyes. "So you better not be feeding me false information or…"

"No, I'm not!" says Clare hysterically. "Jake, no, I swear!"

"Tell me the names," says Jake darkly. "Tell me who is in Acuity. Because you know by now, don't you?"

Clare stares at him helplessly, and Jake walks over to the coffee table. When he comes back he hands Clare a pen and his reporter's notebook, his expression impatient.

"What are you waiting for?" breathes Jake.

"I…"

"Because we're still friends right?" insists Jake. "Right?"

Clare thinks of Eli, about how he opened up about Sadie and Dave… she thinks of Imogen and her tears…

"Right. Yes… right."

**xxxxxxxxxxxx**

"You look tired!"

Imogen sits next to her at the table, wearing a ridiculous pair of green shoes and a bright red dress. She is staring intently at Clare, as if trying to figure out something, but Clare only shrugs and chews on her waffles.

She couldn't sleep, so she decided to e-mail Darcy, telling her everything. She figured that it wouldn't hurt to let her sister know about one of the biggest problems she has ever faced. Clare hopes that Darcy will reply soon.

"Didn't have time to eat breakfast at home," says Clare miserably. "That's why I ended up here."

"How's your friend?" asks Imogen. "Alli? Is that her name? She used to date Drew, right?"

"Yes," says Clare. "She's… okay."

"Good," nods Imogen approvingly. "Sorry for running away yesterday. I'm weird."

Imogen says this in such a refreshing way that Clare can't help but smile at her. "Don't worry about it," says Clare.

"Sadie _was _so nice to me, always," sighs Imogen, resting her arms on the table and burying her face in them. "You're so nice to me too. I know you would never hurt me or anything, I just-"

Imogen goes on and on, but the ever-present guilt doesn't allow Clare to listen to Imogen's rant. Flashbacks from the previous night decide to emerge instead, making everything worse.

_Jake smirks as he reads the list, and pockets it quickly. _

"_Thanks," he says dryly. _

"_Jake, just be careful," warns Clare. Jake gives her cold, calculating look, and he seems to be trying to collect himself. _

"_I'll be fine," he mutters before walking out. _

"Hello," says Adam politely as he joins them at the table.

"Hey, hi-" starts Clare, but soon enough she realizes that all of Acuity is joining her. Imogen moves from her seat and Eli takes it, giving Clare a flirtatious grin.

"Clare Edwards," says Eli quietly. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Not my initiation," blurts Clare nervously. "Not yet, right?"

"Not the entire thing," says Declan, lowering his voice. "Just the…"

He points at the back of Fiona's ear, and Clare understands. The tattoo.

"Two members have to go with you," drawls Katie, looking absolutely bored. "It's in the rule book."

"Katie, nobody cares about the damn book," says Fiona, rolling her eyes.

"It has to be a female and a male," says Katie, ignoring Fiona.

"Oh, oh!" says Imogen, rising her hand. Fiona gives her a dirty look, and Imogen slumps miserably in her seat.

"Eli has to go, since he's the leader and everything," says Zane. "I would be delighted to come along."

"Um, sure," nods Clare, feeling a bit suffocated. "I want Imogen to come along, though…"

Imogen smiles widely, but Fiona glares at her again, something that Eli fails to notice. For someone who is so protective of Imogen, Clare finds it weird that Eli is so oblivious to this.

"What about Pica?" asks Declan. "Or Bianca what if-"

Bianca resurfaces from the intense kiss she is sharing with Drew and shakes her head. Drew looks dazed as their kissing resumes, and Zane looks at them with disgust.

"I'll go," says Katie, closing the book. "I really want to see how Clare reacts to um, getting a tattoo."

Katie says this in an absolutely menacing way, her smile taunting and cold.

"Where's Pica, by the way?" frowns Adam, putting an arm around Katie. "Haven't seen her in forever."

"Pica is one of our most secretive members," says Eli, noticing Clare's confused expression. "She rarely attends meetings because she's always busy. Took me a year to meet her. So, don't be surprised if it takes you the same amount of time."

"Oh okay," says Clare sheepishly, and Eli smirks warmly at her.

"Oops, time for class," says Fiona daintily. "Katie, Imogen, care to join me?"

Imogen begrudgingly follows the girls, looking longingly at Clare and Eli, and gives them a little wave. Clare can't help but think that Katie absolutely hates her, because she glares at her from the corner of her eye as she's giving Adam a goodbye kiss.

The rest of the group bids their goodbyes, leaving Eli and Clare all alone in record time.

"We have a class as well," says Eli, brushing the tip of Clare's nose with his finger.

"Yes, and we're going to be late," grins Clare, and Eli's eyes are full of sudden want. She blushes, and Eli's mouth twitches in amusement as his hand rests on Clare's knees, his fingers teasing the fabric.

"Come on," mumbles Clare, standing up and grabbing her bag. She looks up and sees Jake staring at her, definite heartbreak on his face, but he breaks eye contact as he turns to talk to Holly J.

They leave the dining hall and Clare can feel Eli's hand brushing hers as they walk, and this thrills her. They sneak side glances at each other, both of them smiling, and Eli sighs as they approach the exit of the building.

"Guys!"

Eli and Clare turn around and they see Wesley approaching him, his curly hair a complete disaster. His eyes are red and he smells a little, like he hasn't taken a shower in a while.

"I need to talk to you," he gasps.

"Aren't you Dave's friend?" asks Eli, rising an eyebrow.

"Please, I… Please!" Wesley says, sounding like he's on the verge of tears.

"What's wrong?" asks Clare, and Wesley glances around in terror before grabbing them both by their sleeves.

"What the fuck!" exclaims Eli, and Clare just feels herself being dragged along.

"Dave left me something," says Wesley hurriedly as he pushes Eli and Clare into the restrooms.

"These are for guys only!" squeaks Clare as Wesley leads them into a stall. The three of them are way too close for comfort, and Eli is scoffing in annoyance as Wesley looks at them anxiously.

"See?" Wesley holds a tiny envelope and opens it, handing the piece of paper to Eli.

"_It can't buy you happiness_," reads Eli. "Thanks for the fortune cookie memo, but why should I care about this?"

"I don't know!" says Wesley desperately. "Hours before Dave died he kept telling me to watch out, that the enemies were close… and then something about Sadie telling him this. He said that_ you_ needed to know… He told me to keep this just in case… That this is the only way to find out what really happened to… um… what's her name… "

"Wesley, you're being awfully vague," says Clare, noticing the tension in Eli's jaw.

"He said something about Janice… no… Jane?" winces Wesley, and Eli scoffs again.

"Okay, I think I'm ready to go," says Eli, unlocking the door. Clare trails after him, leaving Wesley in the stall, but then the boy yells a name, the only name that could cause Eli to turn around and breathe unsteadily.

"Julia! That's the name, yeah."

Clare has never seen Eli look so broken, not even when he was talking about Sadie's death. The look in his eyes breaks her heart, but when she reaches out to touch his arm he shrugs her off, his eyes fixed on Wesley.

The vulnerability is gone.

"Julia?" asks Eli cynically.

"Yeah!" grins Wesley.

"Sadie… fuck," Eli leans against the wall, and he looks sick. "Did she find out who killed Julia? But this makes no sense. Why would Sadie get killed over that? What does this have to do with Acuity having a traitor? This happened years ago, didn't it?"

"Eli, calm down," says Clare, wrapping her arms around him, and Eli hugs her back.

"This is so confusing," says Eli into Clare's ear.

"So? Does this help?" asks Wesley, but they are interrupted by the sudden flow of guys entering the bathroom. Clare gets a lot of curious stares, so Eli grabs her by the hand and they walk out, Wesley trailing after them.

"I don't know," admits Eli. "Just… give me time to process this."

"Can we talk about it?" asks Wesley eagerly.

"What… no… Just…" Eli walks away and Clare glances at Wesley, not knowing what to say.

"He was my friend, Eli!" cries Wesley, and some people mutter and stare. "They both were."

Eli licks his lips and smiles the saddest of smiles before fixing his eyes on the ground. Clare wants to start crying, the heartache of seeing two guys so desolate too much to handle.

"I know. And I'm sorry."

But Eli doesn't seem able to say anything else, and Wesley groans in frustration before stomping away.

"Can we skip class?" asks Eli, sounding hurt. "Let's just go to my dorm until it's time to… you know."

Clare nods, knowing that she shouldn't skip any more classes. Her head hurts from the intensity about what just happened, even if she doesn't understand half of what's going on.

Danger is in the air, and it's making everything unbearable.

**xxxxxxx**

"She was like smoke… almost like a fancy pirouette," says Eli softly as Clare wraps her arms around his waist, both of them cuddling in Eli's bed. "Was that too corny? Sorry, I just… yeah, that's how I remember her."

"I would've liked to meet Julia," says Clare, enjoying the warmth of the boy next to her.

"She was pretty cool," sighs Eli. "Our relationship was kind of fragmented before she died… I think we would've broken up if the accident hadn't happened. But we would have remained friends, I'm sure of that."

Eli's shirt rides up a little, and Clare's fingertips are in contact with his skin. She kisses him on the cheek, knowing that nothing she could say would help, but she just wants him to know that she's not going anywhere.

Not yet.

"And it's funny, because after her death all these rumors about me came up," snorts Eli. "It was as if I was suddenly someone I had never met. And same when Sadie died… it just brought back memories. It was high school all over again."

"I thought… I used to think you had something to do with it," confesses Clare.

"Really?"

"Yes."

Eli flips over, his face close to Clare's, and she smiles at him. Eli smirks, delight in his eyes as he leans in for a kiss. The kiss hurts for some reason, and maybe it's because Clare knows that she hasn't been completely honest with him.

"Eli," she whispers against his lips.

"Don't say anything," he pleads. "Just kiss me."

He sounds distressed and depressed, as if this is the last kiss they will ever share, and Clare slowly closes the gap between them.

**xxxxxxxx**

Clare can't see a thing. It would be really nice if she could see at least a sliver of light, but no, nothing.

"This is dumb," she pouts.

"The location is secret," chuckles Eli from somewhere.

"I haven't seen Rosso in ages," says Katie excitedly. "When I talked to him on the phone today he said that he had some visitors, but that we would happy to see them as well."

"That sounds intriguing," mocks Zane, who is sitting next to Clare, holding her hand.

"Does it hurt?" winces Clare.

"Nah, not really," says Eli, sounding reassuring. "It's not a big tattoo, it only stings a little."

"My mother would kill me if she knew," says Clare rebelliously.

"We're here," announces Katie, and the car comes to a sudden stop. Clare keeps holding on to Zane's hand as they exit the car, and she can hear the gravel crunching underneath her feet. They stop walking for a moment, and Clare listens when somebody knocks three times on what she assumes is a door.

"Quicksilver, Astir… Beam," whispers Eli, and the door creaks open. Zane pulls her in and the air smells like ink and alcohol, and she wants to hold her breath to avoid getting dizzy.

"Is this the new kid?" a raspy, monotone voice asks.

The blindfold is finally removed from Clare's eyes and she blinks, trying to adjust to the dim light. Katie is cocking an eyebrow at her, Eli is expressionless, and Zane is smiling.

A young man walks over to her and peers into her eyes before breaking into a wry smile, his longish blond hair framing his pale face. "Paragon, eh?" he asks, glancing at Eli.

"Known as Clare Edwards in normal life," nods Eli.

"Hi, I'm Rosso," he says, extending his hand. Clare shakes it nervously, tucking a curl behind her ear with her free hand. "Otherwise known as Johnny DiMarco."

Laughter emerges from another room in the house, and Johnny asks them to follow. Eli and Clare walk side by side, bumping into each other in the narrow hallway. Katie keeps looking back and glaring at them, and Clare wants to ask her what her problem is.

A young couple is holding hands and drinking wine in the spacious living room, laughing loudly as they go over some photo albums.

"Wrench!" says Eli happily. "Singer!"

"Ah, Eli, you sly dog," says the man with the cap, standing up and giving Eli a tight hug. "Sorry, Quicksilver, Quicksilver."

"We can use our real names, this is not an official meeting," says Johnny impatiently.

"Clare, this is Jay Hogart and his girlfriend, Manny Santos," says Eli, pointing at the couple. "I first met them when Johnny recruited me and they're like my fake parents."

"Because you're so cute," beams Manny, pinching Eli's cheeks. "Nice to meet you, Clare. Is she here to get a tattoo?"

"Yeah, I am," says Clare finally able to speak. "I'm kind of nervous."

"Don't be," says Manny, placing a hand on her shoulder. "It's no big deal. Where are you getting it?"

"Um…" Clare looks at Eli, words failing her.

"You need to pick a spot… a spot where you've been hurt," says Eli serenely, and Johnny crosses his arms as he leans against one of the walls.

"What do you mean?" asks Clare, feeling terribly confused.

Eli pulls the collar of his t-shirt, exposing his tattoo. "When I was nine, this bully punched me in the collarbone," explains Eli. "I couldn't breathe, and then he started punching me again. I got home later that night, and my mother saw the bruise."

"We've all been attacked," says Zane sweetly. "One way or another. You'll learn more about this once you're inducted."

"What about your wrist?" suggests Eli.

"I've never been hurt there," frowns Clare, unconsciously glancing at her wrist.

"What about that time when K.C grabbed you?" asks Eli neutrally, and Clare's heart stops.

_Someone is following her, swiftly, effortlessly. _

_Someone grabs her by the wrist and pulls her in. Lips clash, hungry and eager. _

_They pull away from each other, the night surrounding them both. _

_Clare holds her breath as she pulls the man closer to her._

_But this doesn't feel right. _

_And suddenly, it's not night. It's the middle of her high school hallway, and her lower lip is bleeding. _

_She looks at the bruises on her wrist and knows that this is definitely not right. _

"What?" gasps Clare, the secret she has been denying to herself for years rushing back to her. "How did you know this?"

"You told me," shrugs Eli, but Clare will not let it go this time.

"No, I didn't," replies Clare coldly. "I haven't told anyone about that. It was only one time and-"

"We know things," interjects Johnny. "We do our research before asking someone to join us. We're a serious society, you know."

"Are you guys… but this was years ago!" blurts Clare emotionally. "This is an invasion of my privacy!"

Clare can't take this anymore; she storms out of the living room and walks into the narrow hallway, her steps hurried and frenzied, but a hand grabs gently her by the wrist.

"Don't go."

It's not Eli, it's Katie. She is not glaring at her anymore, she just looks tired. "You will understand in due time why we know so much about you… you will know as much about us as well," says Katie peacefully.

"I still don't know what this society does, and it's freaking me out," complains Clare.

"And if you leave right now, you will never find out," deadpans Katie, letting go of her. "So are you leaving? Or are you staying?"

Katie's fingers are still etched on Clare's wrist, and memories of K.C holding her brusquely bring tears to her eyes. She was so intent on burying that incident that her mind had obscured it, making it unapproachable.

"He wants you in it," says Katie, breaking the silence. "Eli wants you in Acuity. And if you trust him, you should trust us."

Clare's eyes meet with Katie's, and the girl's usually hard expression softens considerably.

"Okay," nods Clare, and Katie smiles.


	13. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

**Author's note: Hopefully some questions will be answered in this chapter. Entirely Eclare-centric, my friends. **

"_You're the finest thing that I've done, the hurricane I'll never outrun  
>I could wait around for the dust to still, but I don't believe that it ever will."<em>

_**Hurricane | The Hush Sound**_

"_Close your eyes," says Johnny, a gentle smile making Clare feel less nervous. _

"_You can hold my hand," says Eli._

_Clare looks at him, knowing that she shouldn't trust any of the people in this room, but she hold Eli's hand anyway. _

_And the pain begins. _

_Clare holds her breath as the needle touches her skin, clutching Eli's hand as tightly as possible. Eli looks revolted at the sight of Clare going through pain, and the guilt in his expression is quickly noticeable. _

"_God, Johnny, you're hurting her," protests Eli. _

"_Hey, I've always done this the exact same way," mumbles Johnny, concentration on his face. "Calm down."_

_But Eli is still looking sick, and Clare keeps holding on. _

**xxxxxxx**_  
><em>

Clare opens her eyes and blinks in the darkness, a slight scent of cologne invading her nostrils. She stirs, realizing that Eli's arms are wrapped tightly around her. The car is moving fast, and Clare sees that Zane is the one driving this time.

Her wrist is stinging and so are her eyes, and she merely snuggles against Eli's warm body. She is still unsure about how the members in Acuity found out about K.C, but Clare knows she'll eventually find out.

Hopefully.

"Clare," says Eli softly, and Clare looks up. "You're home."

Clare looks out the window, her apartment building looking haunting in the dark, and she looks back at Eli. She doesn't want to be alone right now, but calling Jake or Alli is not an option.

"Do you want to stay?" she asks Eli, vulnerability invading her state of mind.

Eli seems hesitant, but he nods. "Yes. And…. yeah, okay. Maybe we can talk about some stuff…" Eli trails off as Katie gives him a knowing look. "Hey, I'll just take a cab home."

"Are you sure?" asks Zane, smiling at Clare through the rearview mirror.

"Yup," Eli opens the door and helps Clare get out, holding her hand as they wave goodbye to Katie and Zane. Clare starts shivering and they walk towards the building, holding hands.

"You were brave," grins Eli as they walk up the stairs. "I believe I sobbed like a baby when I got mine."

"You're lying," says Clare tiredly.

"No!" says Eli as Clare looks for her keys in her bag. "I swear. I know I look like the epitome of machismo, but I'm a softie when it comes to physical pain."

Clare snorts as she unlocks the door and they walk into the apartment, which is thankfully warm. Clare throws her bag on the couch and turns to face Eli, her hands on her hips.

"I know my induction is not until next weekend but…" Clare sighs, and Eli moves closer to her. "I need some answers."

"Hey, I'm the leader," smirks Eli. "I think I can bend a couple rules for you." The silence that falls between them feels heavy yet intriguing, and Clare knows that the ball is on her court.

"Let's have some coffee then," says Clare, walking towards the kitchen.

**xxxxxxx**

"Eli... How did you get involved in Acuity?"

Eli places his mug on the table, looking at Clare directly in the eyes. He drums his fingers on the table nervously, and it looks like he's is considering his answer.

"Long story."

"We have time."

Clare isn't giving up this easily, not when all her questions could be answered right now. Eli keeps glancing at the redness surrounding Clare's tattoo, and she hides her wrist under the table hesitantly.

"Well…" Eli takes a deep breath, and rests his chin on his hand. "I got into a fight with a bully in my sophomore year of high school. It was pretty bad; got suspended for two weeks. I've been bullied all my life, but after Julia's death it somehow got worse. I guess I appeared to be more of an easy target. Anyway, I was working on fixing Morty one afternoon when Johnny found me."

"What did he say?" asks Clare inquisitively.

"He said he was a TU student, and that he heard about my situation," says Eli. "Johnny told me he knew I was interested in applying to TU… He said that he wanted to recruit me for his society."

"Okay…" Clare still feels confused. "What did he want you to do?"

"Be an informant," says Eli simply.

"For what?"

Eli scoffs, as if the answer is obvious. "Acuity, Clare."

"Well, yes, I know _that,_" says Clare coldly. "But why? Why did he need an informant in high school?"

Eli sits back, a nervous smirk on his face, and he sighs yet again. "We have informants in high school because… because we need to know who we need to get rid of."

"Eli, stop being so cryptic!" blurts Clare impatiently.

"Promise me that you won't hate me," says Eli quietly. "Promise me that no matter what I say to you tonight… that you won't hate me."

Clare drinks the last of her coffee and nods. It's a promise she can afford to make; she knows Eli might end up hating _her _after all this is over.

"This is what we do…" says Eli impersonally. "We get rid of people. We make sure that certain people don't get into TU."

"Huh?" frowns Clare.

"Bullies, Clare," says Eli. "We make sure that high school bullies don't get accepted into TU. We find out who the bullies are, if they intend to attend TU, we get all their info and we… um… scare them. If they don't change their ways after that, and if they apply to TU, we make sure they don't get in. We mess with the admissions system by hacking into the database, and they get their rejection letters. Simple enough."

Eli drinks some more coffee and continues talking, his eyes now fixed on the table. "We all work together during the year, sending people all over Ontario, working with high school kids… we have all these files of people who just need to stop creating havoc in other kids' lives. And if they don't, well… we create havoc in theirs."

Clare gapes at Eli, not knowing what to say. She expected a more obscure purpose behind the society, although it's kind of messed up that they take this so far. And then something hits Clare.

"K.C," she breathes.

"Yup," shrugs Eli. "He never changed, so… he got his letter. I was actually the one who tried to teach him a lesson… I don't know if he ever told you about someone locking him in the boiling room at your school. That's why I knew about him... and that's why I knew about you. Way before you started attending TU."

Clare can't believe this. Eli has been messing around with her life for years now, and she had no idea. Did he see her go on dates with K.C? Di he watch them hold hands in the park and kiss underneath the bridge? How much does he really know about her?

She stands up, pushing her chair out of the way as she storms out of the kitchen, her ears and heart hurting. Clare buries her face in her hands as she tries to even her breath, realizing what the consequences of K.C not getting into TU meant to her. He cheated on her. He dumped her.

True, he had been acting like a jerk for the last three months of their relationship, but Clare really liked him. And Eli…

"Clare?" asks Eli timidly, and Clare instinctively grabs the lamp from one of the side tables and throws it at him. Eli dodges it, and the lamp hits the wall, crashing spectacularly before their eyes.

"Whoa, calm down!" says Eli. "I'm sorry, Clare. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you-"

"How dare you ruin other people's lives?" cries Clare.

"They are bullies, Clare!" retorts Eli. "_They _ruin people's lives in high school. Every single person who is in Acuity has been bullied before. We've had issues due to bullying. Fuck, Clare, _you _have issues thanks to K.C."

"What you're doing isn't right, though," complains Clare. "What you're doing is a type of bullying!"

"No, don't compare us to them," says Eli, shaking his head furiously. "What we do is teach them a lesson. Eye for an eye… you should understand that, you're Christian after all."

"You're not supposed to create your own justice!" says Clare angrily. "Even if they _are _bullies, you're not supposed to-"

"One of them beat Fiona," says Eli, sounding calmer. "Another bully pushed Adam into a wall and almost broke his neck. Johnny used to be one of them until a member of Acuity scared him off, and then he vowed to work against bullying for the rest of his life. We are good people, Clare. We're trying to do the right thing."

"But… I can't agree with what you're doing. Aside from the fact that this is dangerous, you guys could get caught and get expelled!"

Eli starts laughing dryly as he moves closer to Clare. "Acuity has been doing this for over 20 years… we know how to figure stuff out. We're not stupid."

"Have you ever stopped to realize that maybe this is why Sadie got killed?" says Clare breathlessly. "Maybe someone found out about Acuity and decided to get back at you… maybe a former bully? Maybe someone from Acuity decided to talk about the society and-"

"I've thought about this many times," interrupts Eli. "And it is a possibility that someone talked too much. But right now, all I can do is trust the current members in Acuity… I trust them. Sadie never told me if the 'traitor' is a current or former member. I refuse to believe that it is someone current. They're my friends."

Eli says this stubbornly, and Clare knows that he's had this conversation with someone before, because his words sound extremely rehearsed.

"I still can't wrap my mind around this," says Clare, feeling dizzy. She is facing a terrifying decision; keep this to herself or talk to Jake.

"You made a promise," Eli reminds her.

And with those words, Clare loses her mind.

"I've made so many promises!" sobs Clare hysterically without thinking. "So many! And I'm tired!"

"What do you mean?" frowns Eli.

"You think you're the only one with secrets?" says Clare miserably. "Think again. Oh, God, I can't deal…"

She can't betray Jake, she can't betray Eli… what is she going to do? Eli quickly hugs her, running his fingers through her hair reassuringly. Clare feels drained, and she doesn't want to think anymore.

She pulls away and looks at Eli, hoping that her eyes say everything she's not able to say right now. Eli leans in and kisses her, and Clare holds on to him desperately, just like she did when she was getting the tattoo.

This is wrong, all of it. This is not going to end right. But she knew this from the start; from the moment she agreed to help Jake with her article. Of course, she never expected to fall in love with Eli, not like this.

"_Clare_," groans Eli huskily against her lips as he pulls her closer to him. She shivers as one of his hands slides up the back of her shirt, and Clare just wants more.

No, she never expected to fall for him like this.

**xxxxxxx**

Eli's fingers are shaking as he unbuttons Clare's shirt, she can feel them. But he doesn't stop kissing her as the bed creaks underneath their weight, and she can feel how her heart is beating faster than ever.

"_Rain is like fire on our skin_," breathes Eli into her ear. "_It's burning us alive and we don't move in spite of the pain._"

Clare moans when Eli starts nibbling on her earlobe, her breasts now exposed to him. Eli takes off his shirt, pressing his chest against hers as he kisses her, his tongue eagerly exploring every corner of her mouth. Eli stops kissing her on the lips, one of his hands grasping her waist as he kisses a spot on her jaw.

"_But although it hurts, it's okay_," continues Eli, his breathing now heavy and erratic. "_My heart will choose to stay_."

"Been reading more poems for our forgotten essay?" teases Clare as Eli starts to unbutton her jeans.

"No," says Eli hoarsely. "I wrote it. For you."

Clare smiles at him and Eli smirks back, looking suddenly nervous. "Okay, I don't want to take this too far… I will stop whenever you want me to stop. Because I know… I can feel that you're not ready yet for… um…"

"Sleeping with you?" asks Clare, and for the first time in a while, Eli blushes.

"Yeah," admits Eli sheepishly. "Don't get me wrong, I would love to…" His fingers brush her nipples, making Clare arch her back involuntarily, and Eli grins. "But I can wait. We can do other stuff in the meantime."

"Oh-okay," mumbles Clare.

"And now, I'm just going to take your jeans off," says Eli. "Is that okay?"

"Yes," squeaks Clare, and she closes her eyes as Eli starts tugging on her jeans. Clare feels truly exposed, although she's been like this with Jake before, but this feels so different. Her skin is crawling with want, and when Eli places a kiss in the inside of her thigh as he removes her underwear, she lets out a soft moan.

She's heard about it. Alli has talked to her about oral sex many times, but Clare has never had the guts to go that far. Sure, fingers have, um, touched her _there,_ before. And it feels really nice. But what Eli is doing right now feels simply amazing.

She opens her eyes, biting her lip as she feels Eli's tongue working on her, and she can feel her body starting to heat up. She clutches the bed sheets when she feels Eli's finger push inside of her, his mouth still on her, and a whimper escapes her.

It's just s whirlwind of emotions; she can't breathe, she can't see, she can't hear. She can only feel, and what she feels is making her want to explode. Everything is faster; every single one of Eli's actions is making her gasp and pant, and she feels somewhat dirty.

But she isn't complaining at all.

"_Eli,_" she gasps, and she's so far gone that she feels like her heart has stopped beating. Maybe she died. Maybe that's a good thing; that way she won't have to say goodbye to Eli.

But she's not dead, because now Eli is placing small kisses on her stomach as he makes his way back up. His lips linger on her neck for a minute before kissing her on the lips, and he tastes funny, but Clare kisses him back willingly.

"Your face is so red," smirks Eli smugly.

"Shut up," says Clare, pushing him away gently. "Let me…" Clare's hands go directly to his belt, and this time Eli doesn't stop her.

"You don't have to," he says halfheartedly.

"Convincing, Goldsworthy," says Clare, even though she feels a little nervous. It takes her a while to undo the belt, and Eli chuckles as he helps her. He takes off his jeans and Clare looks away, blushing as she sees him wearing nothing but his boxers.

"Wow, I'm not _that _ugly," he winks, and he leans in to kiss her. Clare beckons him to lie down, nervously trailing her fingers over Eli's lower stomach.

"If I'm not good at it… sorry," she mutters.

"Clare," says Eli, somewhere around amused and stern. "You don't- _oh._"

Clare slides down Eli's boxers, still tremendously anxious. She remembers what she did with Jake out of instinct, but this feels monumental somehow. Clare closes her eyes as she starts stroking Eli, and she feels elated when she listens to him hold his breath.

"_Fuck_," breathes Eli, and Clare opens her eyes again. She has been attracted to several guys before, and she has found them sexy, but seeing Eli like this…

Eli has his eyes closed, his eyelashes fluttering every time Clare strokes him, and his groans are low, almost imperceptible. Clare feels somewhat triumphant; knowing that she's doing this right.

"Clare… fuck, you're… _damn it_," gasps Eli, gnawing on his lip, making it bright red. Clare's hand starts to move slightly faster, her hand aching a little, but she maintains her pace. She is surprised that she's not feeling embarrassed at all anymore, and her movements become bolder and bolder, finally running a finger over the slit of Eli's-

Eli opens his eyes and looks directly at her, his pupils blown with intensity. "Clare… I'm… just…" He sits up, placing his hand over Clare's and kisses her as he starts coming, his ragged breath mixing with Clare's.

"Holy… sorry, sorry," says Eli, letting go of Clare's hand. "That was…"

"It's okay," says Clare, her embarrassment rushing back to her as she wipes her hand on the sheets. "I'm sorry if it wasn't that good, I just…"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" gasps Eli in incredulity. "Come here, just…" Eli pulls Clare to him, kissing her fervently as his fingers dig into her lower back.

**xxxxxxxx**

"I like the way you smell."

Eli is hugging her from behind as Clare finishes brushing her teeth, her hair still wet from the shower.

"Creep," chuckles Clare as Eli kisses her on the neck. Clare looks at their reflection on the mirror and notices how her ring is shining under the bathroom light.

"I feel like a hypocrite," says Clare, placing her toothbrush on the counter.

"Why?" asks Eli as Clare turns around and wraps her arms around his neck. Eli's hair is also still wet, and Clare smiles shyly as she remembers the shower they took earlier… together.

"My ring," says Clare, disentangling one of her arms from Eli's neck and showing him her hand. Eli grabs Clare's hand and kisses the finger that has the ring on it, smiling against her skin.

"Clare, trust me," he says happily. "We could fuck for hours, days… And you would still be worthy of this ring. Purity isn't only about your body… is about who you are. And you're the purest person I've ever met."

Clare giggles when Eli says "fuck," but she still feels apprehensive. Eli trusts her too much, and he shouldn't. She's not worthy of this ring in any way at all.

"Eli… if I messed up, like… _really _messed up," asks Clare hesitantly. "Would you forgive me no matter what?"

Eli gives her a curious look, pressing his lips against her hand again. "Clare, if you've been able to look past all my fuck-ups and shady past… what makes you think I wouldn't?"

Clare remains silent, merely moving closer to Eli.

"And hey, remember what I said in my poem?" says Eli, placing a finger under Clare's chin. "_My heart will choose to stay_. And I mean it."

But Clare can't help but wonder if Eli will think the same way when the truth comes out.


	14. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

**Author's note: Just a few chapters left! My intention is to post the epilogue next week before classes start… so, again, thank you so much for your reviews! This chapter is set a week after last. **

"_I'm burning and I'm blacking my lungs.  
>Boy, you know it feels good with fire back on your tongue.<br>If you talk, you better walk, you better back your shit up.  
>With more than good hooks while you're all under the gun."<em>

_**London Beckoned Songs About Money Written by Machines | Panic! At The Disco**_

"You know, Clare, I don't have all the time in the world…"

"Hold on, Darcy… OUCH!"

Clare hits her ankle as she runs into her drawer, her laptop lying on the bed as she approaches it. Her sister is smiling right at her, looking happy and healthy. After months of no contact, they are finally able to talk via webcam, just because Darcy insisted.

"How's Alli?" asks Darcy, frowning in concern.

"She's doing better, still shaken," says Clare, rubbing her eyes. "I spent the day with her yesterday… she is more talkative, but she still doesn't want to talk about that night."

"Poor thing," says Darcy, drinking from her coffee mug. "Okay, let's talk about that email you sent me."

Clare swallows uneasily, bracing herself for the lecture. It seemed like a good idea to email Darcy at the time, she was so desperate to tell the truth to someone. She's not so sure about it anymore.

"How dare you send me that email?" mocks Darcy, adjusting the webcam. "I've been reading it over and over… Who knew? My innocent little sister, dating two guys at the same time… while trying to figure out a murder…"

"I'm just dating one of them now,' says Clare, lying flat on her stomach as she fixes her bangs.

"Good, Jake is the nicest guy," says Darcy, glancing at her fingernails. "Although I don't approve of this mess he's gotten you in. I can't believe he's now a journalist, I used to clean his face after eating ice cream and-"

"I chose Eli." Clare looks away from the screen, embarrassed, and Darcy lets out an exasperated sigh.

"This kid is going to end up fucking with your head," says Darcy sternly as Clare decides to look at the computer again. "Sorry for the cussing, little sister, but seriously. From what I got reading your email… Eli equals trouble."

"I… I know," admits Clare. "But I love him."

Darcy's eyes widen at Clare's words, and her lips are parted in shock. "Love? Like… love _love_? Not infatuation… but love?"

"Yes!" says Clare. "I… tried so hard not to fall for him, but I love him, Darcy. And I don't know what to do anymore."

And Clare thinks of the past few days, the stolen kisses in secluded locations, Eli's texts, his fingers sliding over her body, his laughter… She loves everything about Eli, and it shouldn't be like this. Because it will end, she knows it.

"What if he is a murderer?" says Darcy in a low tone. "Or what if he's covering up for someone? Clare, you were always the pragmatic one!"

Clare sighs and fumbles with the keyboard, avoiding Darcy's face. Darcy goes on and on about the many virtues of Jake, of how this is all their parents' faults for getting divorced, that Clare isn't thinking straight.

"Shut up!" Clare finally yells, fixing her bangs again.

"Is that a tattoo?" gasps Darcy. "Clare Diana, is that a tattoo?"

"Okay, I just wanted advice," says Clare angrily, pulling up her sleeve. "But you're obviously judging me, so…"

"No, I only want you to be happy," says Darcy serenely. Clare watches as a shirtless guy walks by in the background, and realizes that it must be Darcy's new boyfriend. Darcy is oblivious to this, and continues to address Clare.

"Tell Jake you won't help him," insists Darcy. "Get out of this mess while you still can."

Clare touches the screen and winces helplessly, trying to fight back tears. Her initiation will happen sometime today, Eli asked her to meet at the library. There is no turning back now, not with Acuity, and certainly not with her feelings for Eli.

"I can't," Clare whispers. "It's too late."

**xxxxxxxx**

"In a few minutes, huh. And you said you're taking your camera with you, right?"

Clare nods, and Jake is looking out the window, his jaw clenched. They haven't talked much during the week because Jake is as distant as ever, but Holly J is growing impatient and Clare knows that deadline is approaching. Clare readjusts the strap of her bag, the bag feeling heavy with her camera and change of clothes. Eli said that "it wouldn't hurt" to bring some extra clothes, the hint making Clare even more nervous.

"Will you tell me everything?" asks Jake, glancing at her. His eyes are full of hurt, and he hesitates before moving closer to her.

"Yes," lies Clare. Because she has made a decision in her mind. She won't tell them the true purpose of Acuity; she'll make up something. Clare cares too much about Eli to destroy him, and that's why she will also tell him the truth tonight.

She doesn't even care about Sadie anymore. She really doesn't. Or Dave. Clare wants to be selfish for once, and be happy. And maybe if she is completely honest with Eli and asks for forgiveness, maybe it will happen. Maybe.

"Am I losing you?" asks Jake wretchedly. "As a friend?"

"No, I've been busy… working for _you,_" says Clare, reminding him of their deal. "I'm sorry. I should have known that things would be awkward if we didn't work out."

"You decided that," says Jake, his tone now cold and once again distant. "You're the one who said that we're not meant to be. I beg to differ."

Jake grabs Clare gently by the collar of her denim jacket, and looks into her eyes. She can feel the heat in the tiny space, and she's glad that there is no one in the newsroom but them. Jake leans in, and Clare's eyelids flutter, confused.

"Detective Mason says that all leads point to Eli," says Jake quietly. "At least in Sadie's death. He is surely involved in Dave's as well. This is why I need to know about Acuity tonight."

"And you will," breathes Clare.

"Jake, what-" Anya is standing there, her arms holding several books and files. Her eyes travel from Clare to Jake and then back to Clare, looking slightly shocked.

Clare takes several steps back, blushing intensely, and Anya is still gaping at her.

"I'm ready," says Jake as Anya places the books and files on the desk. Jake then looks at Clare; a side smile appearing on his lips. "Anya and I are writing this huge story about budget cuts. Research is needed."

"I have to leave anyway," mutters Clare, and Anya is still glaring at her for some reason.

"You don't want to be late for your thing," winks Jake.

"Thing?" asks Anya curiously.

Clare shrugs and walks out of the newsroom as her phone starts to vibrate. She flips it open and sees that it's a text from Eli, and she knows that it's time for her initiation.

She has never walked so fast in her life.

**xxxxxxx**

Acuity certainly has a penchant for blindfolding people, because Clare finds herself in the same situation she went through a week ago. She doesn't know where they're headed, she just got into the back of the hearse with some of the members of Acuity, and Imogen blindfolded her.

Clare is sure that it's been at least an hour since the ride started, and the silence is driving her insane. She wonders what happened to her bag, if Katie is going through it or what, but Clare knows that nothing incriminating is in there.

The hearse finally stops moving, and Clare sighs with relief as Eli kills the engine. She hears doors opening, leaves crunching underneath feet, and soon she's pulled out of the hearse. They walk for a few minutes, still silent, and the scent of pine makes Clare sneeze a few times.

"Sorry," she mumbles, but nobody says a thing.

"Ah, you're here." Declan's voice greets them warmly, and someone lets go of Clare's hand. Clare stands helplessly as she listens to the others mutter; she hears zippers unzip, some giggles, and she can't stand the uncertainty anymore.

"Okay, Clare Edwards. Are you ready?" asks Drew, his tone business-like.

"Yeah," says Clare eagerly, and suddenly, she can finally see. They're in the middle of what seems to be a forest, or a really remote park. All of the members of Acuity are wearing black robes, and Drew hands her a gray one, his smile tentative. Clare slips it on and Eli beckons her to join them around the fire, and she stands between Zane and Fiona.

"Bringing the fair to the unfair," says Eli loudly, and everyone claps. "That is our mission. We are here today to welcome a new member, Clare Edwards. She will bid goodbye to her name and embrace a new one. Edwards, please tell us your Acuity name."

"P-Paragon," she stutters.

"Paragon," the group echoes solemnly.

"Paragon, do you promise to join Acuity's fight against unfairness?" asks Katie coldly. "Do you promise to help Acuity in its mission to stop bullying, no matter what?"

"Yes," says Clare.

"Paragon, do you swear to never reveal the secrets of Acuity?" asks Zane, giving her a little smile.

"I swear," squeaks Clare.

"Paragon, do you swear that you will never betray us?" asks Fiona, and there is something in the way the fire reflects in her eyes, because Clare is shivering uncontrollably.

"I won't ever betray you," gasps Clare, feeling lightheaded. Eli moves from his position and walks over to Clare, holding something that resembles a black rug.

"Are you fully aware of the responsibilities and risks in Acuity?" he asks.

A smirk is threatening to take over Eli's lips, and Clare feels somewhat safe.

"I am," says Clare, sounding braver than she feels.

**xxxxxxxx**

"It wasn't that bad."

"Sorry?" asks Eli, moving closer as a bottle of beer dangles from his fingertips. Everybody is laughing as Adam's marshmallow catches fire, and Fiona starts dancing along to a pop song Zane started singing. Everybody has removed their robes just to reveal normal outfits, and Clare's shiny new black robe is lying next to her.

"The induction... I expected something scarier," admits Clare, holding on to her soda.

"We're not satanists, Clare," chuckles Eli, slurring a little. "We just hack into the school's systems and mess with admissions. Hardly a horror-movie subject. Did you expect us to feed you blood?"

"Something like it," blushes Clare, and Eli leans in. Clare pulls back, blushing furiously, remembering that most members in Acuity don't know about their relationship.

"Ah, fuck it," says Eli, dropping his beer and cupping Clare's face, pulling her close to him. Eli kisses her fervently, and catcalls are heard in the background.

"I knew it!" says Declan triumphantly, and Clare opens her eyes in shock, her heart beating extremely fast. Eli puts an arm around her shoulder and most of the Acuity members are giving them approving smiles. Except...

Imogen looks pale, but she already knew, right? Fiona has her lips pursed as she opens another can of Coke, and Katie crosses her arms, completely ignoring Adam's cheers.

"Adam is a genius, you know?" grins Eli. "He changed a dozen admission statuses last night, in like… five minutes. Amazing."

Clare can't say a word because she's feeling guilty, again. Will this feeling ever go away?

"The cabin belongs to the Coynes," mumbles Eli into her ear. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"Yeah..." says Clare, tearing her eyes off the girls who are looking at her in such strange ways.

"I'm going to get a book," says Fiona crossly, walking away.

"She's just pissed off," says Declan, holding up the bottle of champagne he has been enthusiastically drinking from. "She can't drink, and that always gets her in a bad mood."

"Why?" asks Drew as Bianca starts biting his earlobe playfully.

"A little incident... in the past," winks Declan. "Let's just say Fiona would be a great PSA for drinking and dr-"

"Declan! Can I have a sip?" blurts Imogen, grabbing the bottle from Declan. "Thanks!"

Imogen glances at Clare from the corner of her eye, and then the girl looks at Adam, who is staring uneasily at his sneakers. There is definitely something going on, but Eli doesn't seem to notice; he's too busy toying with the collar of Clare's jacket.

"Where's my bag?" asks Clare.

"I'll get it," says Eli, kissing her on the cheek before standing up. Clare watches him leave, and Katie walks over, taking Eli's seat.

"You will have your first assignment on Monday," says Katie, smiling a bit. "It will fun. I'll help you out since it's the first time you'll do something for us."

"That sounds good," says Clare, returning the smile.

"Sorry for... not being too accepting of you," says Katie quickly. "You were friends with Jake Martin and trust me, we don't like that guy."

"So I've heard," says Clare sarcastically.

"He's been trying to find out stuff about Acuity ever since he started working for the paper," sighs Katie, drawing circles on the ground with the tip of her shoe. "He's pretty good at being nosy, and it just got worse after Sadie's death. I don't know... I thought you were going to spy on us."

Clare's stomach feels heavy, and she smiles nervously. "No... I. No."

"I know that now," says Katie, patting her on the back. "Welcome to Acuity, Clare."

Katie smiles at her again before leaving, and when she joins the rest of the group, she kisses Adam in front of everyone. Clare sighs sadly, knowing that whenever she tells the truth to Eli, more than one person will hate her.

"Here." Eli has returned, and he's handing Clare her bag. Clare looks through it, and grins when she finds her camera.

"We should take some pictures," suggests Clare. "Have like... an Acuity album."

"Eh, I'm pretty sure that would compromise all of us," frowns Eli.

"No! Because we're just friends... hanging out," says Clare, and to be honest, she intends to keep the photos to herself. To hang on to something in case things go terribly wrong.

Fiona comes back, holding a book close to her chest, and she stares curiously at Eli and Clare. But Fiona says nothing, and she sits next to Zane, who hands her another soda.

"Guys!" calls Eli. "Look!"

Eli grabs Clare's camera and takes a picture, almost blinding all of them.

"Goddamn it, Eli," chuckles Adam. "Ah, I want to take a picture!"

Adam's first victim is Fiona, who awkwardly smiles at the camera while holding her drink. The polaroids are falling on the ground, and they're being collected by a very-hyper Imogen, who seems amazed at all the photos.

Soon enough, the only thing that people can listen to for miles is the laughter of young adults, followed by camera flashes and the promise of a night that will never end.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"You can stay with Imogen, if you want to," says Eli, looking down the hallway. The Coynes' cabin is incredibly spacious, with plenty of rooms for everyone. Clare didn't expect to stay overnight, but she guesses that that is the reason why Eli told her to bring clothes.

It's a night of taking chances, and Clare knows it. It doesn't make it any easier, or less scary, but she's sure of this.

"No, I want to stay with you," she says softly.

"Ah, literally sleeping together, huh?" teases Eli.

"I _want_ to," says Clare, her voice breaking a little.

"Oh." Eli seems affronted and nervous by this, and he scratches his head pensively. "You... You want to... um, you do?"

Clare looks at him, their eyes meeting, hoping that's enough for Eli to understand. She doesn't want to say it out loud.

"Here?" frowns Eli. "I always pictured this differently. You were usually getting out of a wedding dress and I looked like an idiot wearing a tie."

Clare giggles at the mental image, wrapping her arms around Eli's neck. "That's sweet of you," she says sincerely. "But... I do want to spend the night with you. I love you and... I've been thinking about it."

"What about your vow?" whispers Eli as footsteps approach them.

"You guys can have the _other _master bedroom," says Fiona, handing them towels. "Drew and Bianca already, um, marked their territory in the main master bedroom. How classy."

Clare blushes and Fiona gives her a sympathetic look. "Hey, sorry if I've been a bitch," says Fiona bluntly. "I don't trust people easily. That's all."

"You're nice enough to let us stay here," says Clare shyly.

"Yeah... well... someone has to fund some of Acuity's adventures," winks Fiona. "This is nothing, really. Okay, Eli, you know where the other bedroom is. Make sure to behave."

Fiona leaves them alone, the sound of her heels scratching the floor mirroring Clare's heartbeats, and Eli laughs.

"Okay, um... let me find Drew," says Eli, blushing. "Um, er... the bedroom is just... um... fucking hell, Edwards, I can't talk."

"Upstairs?" suggests Clare.

"Yes, that," says Eli, holding on to the towels. "Just wait for me, okay?"

They look at each other one last time, and Clare walks away first, headed towards the stairs. She quickly finds the "other" master bedroom, her jaw dropping at the size of it. All this luxury shouldn't be allowed in a cabin, she's sure.

She puts the towels and her bag away, and Clare sits on the edge of the bed. She toys with her purity ring, taking it off and then putting it back on, and wonders what changed. She had always been so sure that she would wait until marriage, but it just seems right.

Or maybe she just wants this memory of Eli before everything goes to hell.

She waits for a few minutes, and soon Eli's footsteps are heard in the hallway, and Clare can barely catch her breath. Is it supposed to be this nerve-wracking?

"I had to see Drew naked," winces Eli as he closes the door behind him. "That was _not _cool."

"Why did you need to talk to him?" asks Clare amusedly.

"Um..." Eli shows Clare a shiny packet, and she realizes that it's a condom. He walks over to the nightstand, and places the condom on top of it, looking terrified. "Look, we _really _don't have to do this, Clare. I'm fine with just doing the stuff we've been doing, okay? Just because we're in this nice place, it doesn't mean that-"

"Why are you so eager in talking yourself out of this?" asks Clare, irritated. "I want to sleep with you, I do."

"Because... this is it," says Eli, and he sounds afraid. "Once this happens, it's like the ultimate commitment. After this, I will be a mess if you ever leave me."

Clare stands up and walks over to him, quickly crushing her lips against his. Eli kisses her back, wrapping his arms around her as he pushes her to the bed, and they make out furiously. Their kiss is wet and heavy, and Clare pulls on Eli's hair, wanting him to do more.

"Fuck," breathes Eli, taking off his jacket. He kisses Clare again, but gentler this time. His hand slides under Clare's shirt, and she jumps at his touch, realizing what's about to happen. But Clare doesn't want to turn back. She wants this.

Eli patiently removes all of Clare's clothing, and then he removes his own, less patient. Although Clare has seen him naked before, she still feels embarrassed at the sight of his skin, and even more bewildered at the fact that she is able to touch him.

Clare gasps as Eli gets on top of her, his lips torturing her neck, his fingers teasing her breasts. He's moving slowly and cautiously, as if afraid to hurt her. Clare whimpers when she feels Eli's tongue on her nipples, digging her fingers into his scalp. Everything feels so good, her body is on fire, and she trembles in anticipation.

Eli's finger pushes inside of her, and after a few seconds he adds another one, and it hurts a little. But Clare bites her lip soundlessly, enjoying the attention Eli is giving to the upper part of her body. She feels close to coming, and suddenly, Eli stops.

"Are you...?" Eli is asking for permission, and the lust in his voice is obvious.

"Yeah... yes," mumbles Clare, and Eli reaches for the nightstand. Clare lies on her back as she hears the packet being ripped open, and she gulps. It takes Eli a few seconds, and then he's back on top of her, kissing her cheek, neck, throat, lips. Clare absentmindedly spreads her legs, wondering if she's doing this right.

"I'll go slow," says Eli, his voice barely audible. Clare nods, knowing that Eli would never hurt her, and she moves her hands up and down his back.

She feels the pressure at once, and her body seems to break a little. A high gasp escapes her, and the pain makes her close her eyes for a moment. Eli is moving really, really slow, and Clare holds her breath as her body adjusts to the intrusion.

"Clare, I love you," says Eli, his body still.

"I love you too," smiles Clare, opening her eyes. She's sure that Eli can see the tears, because guilt comes across his face, and she smiles wider, trying to assure him that it's okay.

Eli's thrusts are gentle and slow, and Clare appreciates that. While it's not completely comfortable, it's not as bad as Alli made it sound. Clare is actually feeling some sort of pleasure, even if it hurts a little.

They kiss, and Eli starts moving slightly faster, causing Clare to dig her fingernails in his back. She has never felt so raw, so exposed... so loved. Clare knows that she will never be able to love someone the way she loves Eli, because now, she's given him the thing she valued the most.

She feels Eli's teeth sinking on her collarbone, his tongue quickly caressing the spot. Clare's fingernails dig deeper into his skin, and she wonders if she's hurting him, but part of her wants to leave a mark. She's his. She sure hopes so.

Clare can feel something building up, and the air is not breathable anymore. Eli is panting into her mouth, his groans dying on her lips, and she holds on to him as things seem to slow down.

Eli kisses her lovingly, their bodies sweaty and, well, slightly sticky. This is nothing like Clare had pictured or imagined; she had always thought it would be a painful ordeal. But she doesn't regret a thing.

Their physical connection is suddenly broken, and Clare feels immediately sore. Eli pulls her close to him, holding her in his arms, and he presses his lips against her forehead.

"I would do anything for you," says Eli hoarsely. "I want you to know that. Anything."

Clare can hear Eli's phone ringing somewhere in the room, but Eli isn't moving. "You should get that," says Clare quietly.

"No, I want to stay here with you," says Eli, cuddling closer to her. But the phone keeps ringing insistently, and Clare looks at Eli pleadingly.

"Fine," he teases, and gets out of bed, slowly disentangling himself from her. Clare fixes her eyes on the ceiling, going through the speech she has already rehearsed many times.

_Eli, there is something I need to tell you…_

_You know I love you, right?_

_Jake is still my friend and I…_

Eli answers the phone as he clumsily grabs his boxers from the floor and attempts to get half-dressed. "Hey, what's up?" he asks crossly. "I'm kind of busy."

Eli starts frowning as he holds on to phone, and then anger flashes in his eyes. He looks away from Clare and turns his back on her, and Clare swears Eli is shaking. But he's not saying a word; he's just listening to the other person on the line.

"Ah," he says finally. "I see. Thanks, Pica."

Eli hangs up, still not facing Clare, and he throws the phone violently at the wall. Clare sits on the bed, covering herself with the messy sheets, her eyes wide in fear.

"What's wrong?" she asks.

"Nothing," says Eli in the coldest tone he has ever used. He turns around and Clare can't really read his expression as he walks back to the bed. Eli sits next to her, and Clare realizes something. He's looking at her the same way he used to when they "hated" each other.

Oh no.

"You would never lie to me, would you?" he asks calmly, and Clare looks at him, searching for any hints that Eli might know something. But now he's looking at her with love in his eyes, so no, he can't possibly know anything yet.

Right?

"I…" Clare falters as Eli rests his hand on her cheek. "No. I… I would never lie to you."

"Thought so," he smirks, and kisses her.

But for some reason, the kiss tastes bittersweet.


	15. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

**Author's note: Don't hate me for this chapter... it's necessary. **

"_What if we've been trying to get to where we've always been?  
>What if I was wrong, and started trying to fix it?<br>What if you believed me? Everything is brilliant."_

_**Simple Math | Manchester Orchestra**_

"You've been so quiet," says Clare as Eli parks the hearse in front of her apartment building. Eli clutches the steering wheel, his eyes fixed on something that Clare can't see.

"Sorry," says Eli halfheartedly.

Eli hasn't said a word since they woke up next to each other this morning; he keeps giving Clare desolated, angry looks, but he refuses to say what is going on. Clare wonders if it has anything to do with Pica's phone call.

"Will I see you later today?" asks Clare hopefully.

"I have stuff to do," says Eli abruptly.

Clare leans in and kisses Eli on the cheek, her lips brushing his ear as she pulls away. Eli faces her and kisses her on the lips, the kiss desperate and hurried, the kiss sending chills down Clare's spine. Their tongues are battling, fighting against something, and Clare wants to cry.

"I love you," whispers Clare, running her fingers through Eli's hair.

"Do you, really?" asks Eli miserably.

"Yes, yes, don't ever doubt that," smiles Clare. "Talk to you later?"

Eli nods, but keeps looking at her in the same miserable way. Clare gets out of the hearse, holding her bag close to her as she watches Eli drive away. She needs to call Alli, she needs to talk to her about everything that is going on.

She needs to _talk_, period.

Clare can't deal with the heaviness in her heart any longer; she needs to tell Eli the truth. She chickened out last night, she couldn't do it this morning, not with all the members of Acuity as witnesses. All of them were giving her such warm looks, like she's one of them now.

Which she is, but not really.

She finally gets to her apartment, tired and sad, and she unlocks the door wearily. The sight that greets her is not a welcome one; in fact, it's the last thing she needed. Clare drops her bag, the door wide open, and Jake looks up to her, papers and photographs scattered on the coffee table.

And in the middle of it all, the picture of Eli and Clare kissing, their eyes closed blissfully.

"What are you doing here?" protests Clare. "Did you go through my things? How did you-"

"I interviewed Alli a few days ago," says Jake emotionlessly. "Told her not to tell you. And I asked if I could have her key… she gave it to me. I can be persuasive."

"But-"

"I had this feeling that you had been keeping stuff from me," continues Jake, still looking at the pictures. "I was right."

"Jake," starts Clare, but Jake shakes his head as he laughs cynically.

"You were hooking up with him all along," says Jake venomously. "I can't fucking believe this. How many times have you lied to me, Clare?"

"Let me explain," says Clare, closing the door. "I never meant for it to happen, I-"

"You look so happy in these pictures," says Jake, sounding extremely tortured. "Did you think of him whenever you were with me?"

"It was never like that!" insists Clare, tears running freely down her cheeks.

"I love you, Clare," says Jake, dropping the photos on the ground. "And you cheated on me... and then you just broke my heart like no big deal. What kind of person are you?"

Clare says nothing; she merely starts sobbing as Jake stands up, his fists clenched. "I have the story," says Jake, sounding broken. "I'm writing about Acuity. I just need..."

He walks closer to Clare, grabbing her by the collar, and Clare is suddenly afraid. But Jake pulls out something from her jacket, a tiny black thing that looks like a bug. A bug.

A tiny, miniscule recording device.

"Holly J got me this," he says icily. "She doesn't trust you at all. And now I see why." Jake presses something and Eli's voice comes out loud and clear.

_"We just hack into the school's system and mess with admissions. Hardly a horror-movie subject. Did you expect us to feed you blood?"_

Jake clicks again and Eli's voice vanishes, leaving nothing but tension in the air. Clare feels horrified at this, and Jake should look happy about this, but no. He still looks betrayed and beyond furious as he steps back, his eyes surveying Clare.

"I don't ever want to talk to you again," says Jake spitefully. "You've betrayed me and… I just can't see your face anymore. Tell your friends to get ready to face expulsion. Maybe we didn't find out who killed Sadie Rowland or Dave Turner, but this is enough for an award-winning story." His eyes lock on Clare's neck, and she knows Jake can see the marks that Eli left on her skin.

"Did you... have you slept with him?" he gasps incredulously. Clare stays silent, and realization dawns on Jake's face. "I was such a fucking idiot. Wow."

Jake walks to the door, his hand resting in the doorknob, and he chuckles dryly. "To think that I was feeling guilty for making out with Anya last night," he says, irony in his voice.

Jake leaves the apartment and Clare sits on the couch, trying to feel nothing.

**xxxxxxxxxx**

Alli isn't answering her phone, and Clare is tired of leaving messages. Eli isn't answering his phone either… and none of the Acuity members seem to want to answer her calls. She hangs up, her wet hair feeling cold as the wind hits her face, and she can't walk fast enough. She shouldn't have taken that shower, that was a waste of time. Clare has to warn Eli about Jake's plan to publish the story about Acuity, and she needs to come clean about everything.

"Clare Edwards!"

Clare turns around and sees Bianca walking over to her, closely followed by Imogen. Clare opens her mouth to speak but she has no chance to say a word; Bianca slaps her hard across the face and Clare loses her balance, her body hitting the ground.

"How dare you?" says Bianca, and some students passing by seem alarmed. "How _dare _you betray us this way?"

Imogen is hiding behind Bianca, her eyes filled with tears, but she's also looking at Clare in utmost contempt. Clare gets on her feet clumsily, rubbing her cheek, and she feels defeated.

They know.

"I can't freaking believe this," snarls Bianca, moving closer to her, every step menacing. "You were working for Jake Martin all this time? When we were summoned for an emergency meeting and I didn't see you there…"

"How could you?" squeaks Imogen, and now she looks sad.

"I can explain," says Clare frantically, and Bianca shakes her head.

"No, we know enough," says Bianca coldly. "Anya told us everything. She's Pica; you must know that by now. Jake has been working on an article about Acuity for months and you've been giving him information. Do you know what this means? You've ruined our lives!"

"I swear I was going to tell you guys," pleads Clare. "I swear that I wanted to get out of this. I couldn't say no to Jake and-"

"Whatever," says Bianca darkly, and she grabs Imogen by the sleeve as they start to walk away. "You're going to regret this!"

So... they know. Clare's heart is thudding painfully inside her chest, and her insides go numb. She thinks of Eli sitting there, listening to Anya tell them everything about Jake's article. Telling them about how she found them earlier the previous day, all cozy and whatnot.

Anya was the one who called Eli last night, she knows that now. But so many questions are going through Clare's head, and she needs some answers. But soon she finds herself at the doors of Ross Hall, and she dreads the confrontation that is about to happen.

Alli sends her a text, asking if everything is okay and if Clare needs her to come over, but Clare quickly declines Alli's suggestion. She will need her best friend, yes, but maybe later.

She hesitates when she reaches Eli's door, and she wonders if he's here. She wonders if he'll even want to talk to her, but there's no time left. The paper will be sent to the printer tonight, if memory doesn't fail her, and maybe they can do something to prevent the publishing of the article.

Clare knocks, waiting for a response. She hears some shuffling inside the room, some subdued voices, and Adam is the one who greets her.

"You." Adam's voice is bitter and icy, his glare showing every single thing he would like to say.

"I need to talk to him," pleads Clare. "Please, let me talk to him."

Katie appears in the doorway, her eyes red and puffy, and she looks furious at the sight of Clare. "Seriously? What are you even doing here?" says Katie angrily. "You've done enough!"

Clare knows they're right, but if they would just let her explain…

"Let her in," says Eli from somewhere in the room. Katie and Adam walk out of the room, leaving the door open for Clare, the couple still shaking in anger. Clare walks in, and Eli is sitting on his bed, his back resting against the wall. He's not looking at her, he's just reading.

"Eli," says Clare tentatively, and Eli puts the book down.

"Hey," replies Eli, eerily calm.

"I just wanted to talk," says Clare, a bit confused about Eli's lack of reaction.

"About what?" asks Eli amusedly.

"I know you know… about my relationship with Jake," says Clare almost inaudibly. "But I need to explain-"

"No, you don't," says Eli, crossing his arms. "I always knew."

Clare's eyes are wide open, and she feels confused. "Excuse me?"

Eli smirks as he stands up, rearranging his belt as he walks over to Clare. "I always knew that you were working with Martin," he grins. "I'm not stupid."

Clare is speechless; Eli's smirk had never looked so threatening, and Clare had never felt so afraid. Eli seems to enjoy Clare's confusion, and he pats her condescendingly on the head.

"Anya confirmed everything to me last night," says Eli scornfully. "She kind of… um, _seduced_ Jake and got information out of him. That's all I needed to know. I knew that Jake wanted you to get closer to me… so I wanted him to believe you did. We fed you false information, Edwards. Martin doesn't have a story because he has no proof."

"But… no…" Clare can't believe this. She refuses to. "He has a recording of what you said to me last night!"

Eli seems confused for a split second, but he shakes his head. "Yeah… well, I lied," says Eli. "We all lied. You'll never know the real purpose of Acuity. Do you really think we would be so secretive about this society if we _only _did stuff against bullying? God, Clare, you're so fucking naïve."

"But K.C… and your story about your bully…" Clare is starting to cry, and this is too much. "Especially what happened with K.C! No! Then you all seemed mad at me today! You're lying!"

"I'm the only one who knew about your betrayal… and Anya of course," shrugs Eli, avoiding to talk about Clare's ex-boyfriend. "I only asked them to lie around you as a 'test for your loyalty.' They bought it, and lied along with me. Of course they're pissed off at you. Martin has our names… yeah, that's true. But have you ever heard of a libel lawsuit? And we're a book club, really. We're all currently reading _Invisible Monsters_."

Eli points at the book lying on his bed and smirks triumphantly at Clare, who is still trying to recover from the shock. "Sadie…"

"Guess you will never know what happened," says Eli distantly. "You can leave now. We'll deal with the aftermath of Martin's story… I don't need you anymore."

"What about us?" blurts Clare, and Eli laughs, his cold laughter piercing Clare's heart.

"Oh, Clare… there is no such thing as _us_," he says impatiently. "I used you. And it was fun while it lasted."

"I slept with you," breathes Clare, the enormity of what she did hitting her.

"I had never slept with a virgin," says Eli, turning his back on her. "That was a new one… so thanks."

Every single thing in their relationship was a lie. Every single time Eli told her he loved her, he lied. And he used her in the most horrific way, and Clare can't change a thing.

Is this karma?

"Did you ever love me at all?" asks Clare wretchedly, and Eli doesn't turn around, he's just facing the wall and his bed.

"No," he says, and everything seems truly final. "I never did. Why would I? You're Saint Clare, after all."

Clare feels nothing but pain, and she runs out of the room, holding her hand against her mouth as she starts sobbing. Katie and Adam watch her run by without saying a word, and she is grateful for this.

A crashing sound is heard as she reaches the end of the hallway, but she doesn't look back.

**xxxxxxxx**

It's the last photo the one that breaks Clare apart. Eli is kissing her in it, their lips fused and their cheeks flushed, and it seems like such a distant memory. Clare's hair is messy, and so is Eli's, and she can't help but think that the state of their hair mirrors how she felt when they took that picture. How she feels right now.

She tries not to think about Eli's lips on hers, about his warm skin against hers, and she certainly does not want to think about that night. She tries to forget how his fingers used to slide between hers, their fingers intertwined tightly, and the smirk that would follow.

Everything in the room reminds her of him, and she feels sick. Clare wants him to call her, to tell her that things were taken out of context, that he never lied, that he was honest. That they need to forgive each other. That they can make it work somehow.

But Clare knows that she's lying to herself, that Eli will never call her back because he never loved her, he only used her. Yes, she kind of used him too, but it was only to… No, there is no justification for the amount of betrayal that happened between them.

The tattoo on her wrist is almost scorching her skin, and she starts crying again. She didn't know that it was possible for her tear ducts to flow again, but then again, she doesn't know anything anymore.

There's a knock at the door and Clare wipes her tears away hastily. She told Alli to stay away, but she knows that she might be worried. She tries to push away the thoughts of Eli, and she gets out of bed slowly.

More frantic knocking, and Clare tries to fix her hair and clothing, maybe she can look a bit presentable. Not that she cares too much. The world can be a witness of her misery, go ahead.

Clare opens the door and a surprised gasp escapes her.

Fiona Coyne is holding a wrench in her hands, and Clare sees no more.


	16. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. **

**Author's note: Ah, this is almost over! Thanks for making my last fanfic such an awesome experience. And I couldn't help the tiny Panic reference in this chapter, ahaha. Some questions won't be completely answered, but that will happen next chapter. Hang in there!  
><strong>

_"I've been tracing your steps along with your dainty, exquisite guest.  
>Across mountain land and serpentine seas, these two have been on quite an odyssey."<em>

_**The End and the Beginning | Forgive Durden**_

Pain. Pain, pain, and more pain.

Clare can't see a thing. She's blindfolded, and she can't scream either because somebody stuffed a sock in her mouth. Her face is pressed against the cold concrete and her hands are tied behind her back, and she can't move. She's going to die, and she is scared.

Maybe she trusted the wrong people all along.

Clare wants to speak out, but she obviously can't. Her hair is soaked in something, and it smells like iron and salt. She knows that it's blood, and she wonders if the wound in her head is serious enough to kill her.

"Clare Edwards, you look so pathetic right now."

The smell of weed takes control of Clare's nostrils and she feels more nauseous than before.

"I would offer you some, but I know that you don't like it." A pause that lasts an eternity, and Clare feels even more afraid. "People trusted you. Fuck, they did. I never trusted you, though. I knew your game all along, but I just waited patiently until everything fell apart."

Clare hears someone coughing in the background, followed by a loud groan. The echo of footsteps is the only audible thing now, and Clare's heartbeats speed up.

"Fuck." Fiona is so close to Clare, she can almost feel the body heat. "He's dying. Your man is dying. Oh, well."

Clare feels terrified at those words, because she's not the only one in danger. She just keeps hurting the people around her, and he might die because of her. Her stupid mistakes.

"When Sadie found out all this stuff about me, I freaked out." The cold laugh makes Clare's heart freeze but she keeps waiting for the confession. "So I had to kill her, obviously. It was very easy; she kept opening her big mouth… such a stupid dork. She kept making hints that she belonged to our lovely secret society and that kind of pissed me off. It didn't bother me at all, killing her. After all, I've killed before."

The truth at last, but it doesn't make things any easier. Clare is about to die, no doubt about it, and her last thoughts will consist of nothing but regret and guilt.

"Sorry, Clare. I don't want to kill you but I don't really have a choice. To quote good old Chuck: _'All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.' _Well, you got boring, and I'm pretty much God right now. Goodbye."

Clare feels the barrel of the gun pressed against the back of her neck, and it feels cold and rusty. She wonders if it's the same gun that killed Sadie, and she can feel the tears rolling down her cheeks. She never wanted to end up like this.

"Nah… not yet," says Fiona. "Not yet."

Clare isn't blindfolded anymore, and she immediately recognizes the room in Wilson Hall where Acuity meets. She glances and sees Jake lying next to her, his hands tied behind his back, his face pressed against the floor.

"Jake," mutters Clare anxiously. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, Clare, I'm fucking fantastic," he groans, and Clare notices the blood caked in his hair.

"You two are so stupid," says Fiona brusquely, helping both of them sit up. "How did you even find out about Acuity in the first place, Martin?"

"I… heard rumors," he coughs. "And my editor… encouraged me…" Jake's eyelids are fluttering, like he's about to fall asleep, and Clare notices the bruises on his face.

"Holly J Sinclair," says Fiona haughtily. "She never got over the fact that Declan dumped her. Ha. Not surprised."

"Holly J dated Declan?" asks Clare, trying to make time. For what? She doesn't know.

"Yeah… I believe my dear brother bragged about belonging to a secret society," says Fiona, pacing back and forth as the gun sits in her hand. "His mistake. I'm sure Holly J obsessed over it… no wonder she wanted you to write about it."

Fiona stops pacing, and she faces Jake and Clare. "Sadie started talking to her," continues Fiona, looking pleased. "Or maybe it was the other way around. All I know is that both talked about an incident in my past, Sadie threatened to tell Eli, and I had to kill Sadie. Simple, isn't it?"

Fiona pulls out documents from her back pocket and tears them apart in front of them. "Dave had them," she says, smiling menacingly. "Sadie wasn't stupid… Well, she was, but not _that _stupid. She left these with Dave… Imogen told me. That's the good thing about being Imogen's friend. She finds out stuff._"_

"Imogen?" asks Clare, shocked.

"She saw me kill Sadie," says Fiona. "Eli told her he was meeting with Sadie that night, and curious Imogen went to see what they were up to… I think Eli sort of crushed on Sadie, and Imogen was intrigued by that."

"So you blackmailed her," says Jake, his voice tired.

"I told her that if she said anything, I would kill Eli," says Fiona nonchalantly. "She's so protective of that boy, so of course she said yes. Adam started growing suspicious of our closeness, and Imogen made sure to make all his doubts go away. One day I told her why I killed Sadie, and she has kept that a secret too… She's really good with secrets when it comes to me."

"Dave, what about Dave?" asks Clare, and she swears that she just heard a door opening, but maybe she's imagining things, because Fiona didn't even flinch.

"That was pretty easy," says Fiona. "Declan rented a car because I asked him to, and he never asks questions. Imogen drove, I shot Dave."

"You're sick!" yells Clare. "You're so sick!"

"Hey, Imogen is the one who has been giving me information," laughs Fiona. "Eli trusts her too much."

Clare tenses up when Fiona looks directly at her, her icy eyes boring into her. "Eli told her about the conversation you guys had with Wesley," says Fiona calmly. "About how Dave left him a clue. By the way, have you seen Wesley around campus?"

Clare and Jake look at each other in horror, and Fiona starts laughing again. "Ah, I didn't mean to push him off that bridge," says Fiona, slumping her shoulders mockingly. "He seemed excited when I told him I knew who killed Dave and Sadie… even more excited when I flirted with him. Poor thing. He shouldn't have told me he didn't know how to swim."

"You killed Wesley?" gasps Clare.

"No, no," says Fiona sternly. "Bad Clare. He killed himself. That's what it looked like… that's what people will say when they finally find his body. I thought I had paid people off to keep quiet about what happened years ago, but apparently, your past can catch up with you."

_It doesn't buy you happiness,_ Clare thinks, Dave's clue engraved in her mind.

"What did you do?" asks Jake, and the doors burst open.

Eli is standing there, holding a knife in his hand, and Imogen is right behind him.

"What the hell?" asks Fiona in disbelief, glaring at Imogen. "You told him?"

"I had to," whispers Imogen.

"I can't believe this," says Eli in disgust. "You killed Sadie and Dave? Imogen just told me… I can't believe this. Put that gun down."

Fiona seems affronted for a second, but then she raises her hand and shoots. Imogen squeals and falls, and Eli quickly drops to his knees to see what happened.

"Fuck, Fiona, you shot her!" says Eli angrily, and Imogen is starting to sob.

"Oh, calm down, it just grazed her," says Fiona as Imogen sits up, clutching her side. Eli rips the fabric of Imogen's dress with his knife, and sure enough, it's only a scratch.

"Clare," says Jake quietly, and Clare jumps in shock when she sees that Jake has untied himself. Jake starts to fumble with the rope imprisoning Clare's wrists, while Fiona continues to look at Imogen and Eli with contempt in her eyes.

"Just sit here," says Eli, moving Imogen to a corner. He walks over to where Jake and Clare are, both of them standing up slowly, and Eli stands in front of them.

"Imogen just told me you killed them," says Eli callously. "I want to know why."

"Did Imogen tell you that she helped kill Dave as well?" asks Fiona venomously.

"Answer my question," snaps Eli, ignoring Jake's insistent coughing.

Fiona brings the gun closer to her chin, and for a moment, Clare thinks that she's going to shoot herself. But no, she continues to look at Eli in mild amusement, and she smiles.

"Sadie knew," says Fiona, pressing her lips against the barrel of the gun. "So, I had to kill her. And Dave found out somehow… I had to kill him too."

Imogen starts wailing in the corner, wrapping her arms around her knees as she rocks back and forth. She's not looking at any of them, and Clare cringes when she notices that Imogen's gray dress is turning red.

"Knew what?" asks Eli, wiping the blood from his mouth. Clare remembers how Declan brought up Fiona's drinking problem, how Imogen seemed mortified by it. Because Imogen knows too. It all makes sense.

"Did you ever find out who killed Julia, Eli? Did you ever find out who ran over her that night?" asks Fiona calmly, and Eli drops his knife.

"No," he breathes.

"I was young, it was a new car…" Fiona trails off, reminiscing. "I was at a friend's house and I drank too much. I didn't see her, Eli. I didn't mean to kill her and drive away, but I had to leave. I got home and showed my car to Declan… he and my parents took care of it. Paid it all away."

Eli is shaking, and Clare reaches out for his hand without thinking. To her surprise, Eli squeezes back, but he's still not looking at Clare.

"My life went downhill after that," says Fiona, and she sounds honestly sad. "I didn't drink again, but I was depressed and haunted by guilt. I got in abusive relationships, as you all know… that's why Acuity asked me to join. And you guys became my family, I mean, besides Declan."

Fiona looks at the gun and then back at them, and her steely resolve seems to reemerge. "Then when you sort of talked about Julia, it hit me," she says darkly. "Julia was the one I killed, and I was terrified that you would find out and kick me out of Acuity. I couldn't bear with that. Not when I was finally… home."

"Sadie found out that you killed Julia," says Eli pragmatically. "That's why you killed her."

"After Holly J and Declan broke up, Holly J was so intent in destroying us, the Coynes," continues Fiona dreamily. "And then Jake here joined the paper, both of them scheming to find out about Acuity… I could feel everything catching up with me. Especially when I saw Sadie and Holly J talking outside Urie Hall … and then Imogen told me Sadie asked you to meet… I knew I had to do something."

Clare's head is hurting with all the information that has been discussed; she can only imagine how Eli is feeling. Jake is just gaping at Fiona, and Imogen is trying to stand up.

"Fiona, that is insane," says Eli sadly. "You… could have just come clean."

"And lose my place in Acuity?" cackles Fiona. "Lose everything? No."

"But you've already lost," says Imogen as she moves towards the group. "You lost your place the moment you killed one of us."

"Shut up," says Fiona, pointing the gun at Imogen. Imogen takes another step, and Eli reaches out to stop her.

"Run," Imogen mutters from the corner of her mouth.

"I think my ribs are broken," says Jake, his tone pained.

"No," mutters Eli back, and Imogen takes another step.

"I will shoot you, Imogen," says Fiona, her voice cracking. "I will!"

Imogen glares at Eli, and both of them exchange looks that Clare can't read, and Eli finally nods.

"Imo-" starts Fiona, but Imogen lunges at her, and Fiona screams as they both scuffle on the ground.

"Run, damn it!" says Imogen, and Clare has never heard her use that tone of voice before. Eli grabs Clare by the hand and drags her along, Jake running behind them.

"Shit, shit, shit," says Eli as they run down the hallway, headed towards the exit. "I dropped my key in there."

"Why do you need a key?" asks Clare, and Jake is heaving. They hear someone screaming behind them and Clare hopes that it's not Imogen.

"Because the doors to Wilson Hall automatically lock whenever you close them… since the building is supposed to be protected and what not," says Eli impatiently as he drags them down another hallway. "Fuck!"

Jake collapses behind them, but Eli continues running. Clare tugs on his hand and Eli stops, rolling her eyes at her. Eli lets go of Clare's hand and walks over to Jake, grabbing him by the back of his plaid shirt.

"Come on, lumber-idiot…" snarls Eli, helping Jake get up. Jake holds on to Eli as they try to find the exit, and Clare is still thinking about Imogen. She was just trying to protect Eli, she never meant to…

"You're useless," says Eli breathlessly, looking at Jake.

"Another door!" says Clare, pointing to a door at the end of the hallway. They run to it, Jake's face getting greener and greener, and Eli snaps.

"It's locked!" gasps Eli in frustration, pushing Jake away. "Goddamn it, I…"

"Where do you think you're going?" asks Fiona, and the three of them turn around.

"Fiona, please," mumbles Jake, causing Fiona to shoot him in the knee, and Jake falls to the ground, howling in pain.

Fiona points the gun directly at Clare, and everything is over. They're going to die.

"Fiona, no!"

Clare closes her eyes and braces herself, holding her breath. She hears the shot, but she doesn't feel a thing. However, she hears a painful groan, and she decides to open her eyes.

Eli holds on to her, a grunt escaping his lips. And the horror of what just happened dawns on Clare.

"Oh God, no!" cries Clare, seeing the dullness in Eli's eyes. She wraps her arms around him as Eli starts collapsing, and both slide to the floor. Eli blinks, his face quickly going pale as Clare feels how her legs are getting warm with his blood.

"Eli… look at me…" whispers Clare, and Eli blinks slowly, a thin line of blood escaping his lips.

Clare looks up, and Fiona's shaking hand is still holding the gun, her eyes filled with fear. "I have to... I-"

Clare sees a limping Imogen creep behind Fiona, a brick in her hand. The front of Imogen's dress is damp with blood, and the girl looks like she's about to pass out as she holds the brick. Fiona's finger starts to clutch the trigger, and Clare screams when Imogen hits Fiona in the back of her head, making the latter collapse on the ground unconsciously. Imogen stares at Fiona's limp body, breathing heavily as she takes the gun away from her, and then Imogen's eyes fix on Eli.

"Oh no!" cries Imogen, falling on her knees and burying her face in her hands. "This is my fault, I shouldn't have sent that envelope to the newspaper…"

This bit of news surprises Clare, the fact that Imogen was the one who sent the information to the paper is a bit shocking, but she has no time to process this. Not when Eli just got shot.

"It's okay," coughs Eli. "I'll be okay, Imogen."

But his voice is already sounding so far gone, like it doesn't belong to him, and Clare can't stop crying. Jake is stirring on the background, and Clare can hear sirens approaching.

"I... found Fiona's phone," explains Imogen, sniffling as she stares desolated at Eli. "I called the cops."

"Cool," breathes Eli, and Clare can feel the warmth ebbing away from his body.

"Stay with me, please," begs Clare, running a bloody hand through Eli's hair.

Eli looks into her eyes and his smirk is barely noticeable as one of his trembling hands grazes Clare's cheek. "I didn't know," he says quietly.

"What?" asks Clare, the sirens getting louder and louder.

"I didn't know... about you and Jake," confesses Eli, and Clare feels something inside of her fall apart. "I found out at the same time everybody else did. I lied to you. I never used you... I just..." He breathes deeply and winces, as if the mere act is bringing him intense pain. "I was so mad. And I shouldn't have said certain things, I didn't mean them."

"No, I understand," nods Clare, and Eli starts coughing again, his full lips splattered with blood. "Just stay with me. Don't leave me, okay?" Approaching footsteps make Clare feel slightly relieved, she knows everything will be okay now. Imogen is still crying, and Clare tries to smile at her but fails at it.

"He's not breathing," says Jake as he crawls over to them, leaving a trail of blood behind them.

"What?" Clare looks at Eli, and his eyes are closed, his lips parted, and... Eli's not breathing. At all.

"No, please, no," says Clare hysterically, and the paramedics are now visible to them.

"Your hands where I can see them!" yells a cop who is trailing behind the medical team.

"That's the culprit," says Jake, pointing at Fiona, who is starting to regain consciousness.

"Miss, I need you to move," says one of the paramedics as another one starts pulling Clare away.

"He's not breathing!" cries Clare as a paramedic restrains her. "He's not- Please, God, do something!"

Clare's heart is racing, and her lungs are shutting down, because the paramedics are trying to revive Eli, and they're getting no response. Eli can't die, he can't, Clare can't wrap her mind around the idea of never seeing him again.

No, Eli can't die.

"Non-responsive," barks one of the paramedics, and Clare wants to throw up. She isn't even paying attention to Fiona's frantic screams and complaints, she doesn't even notice when a paramedic approaches Imogen and Jake. Her eyes are glued to the man she loves, the man who isn't waking up.

Her throat is closing now, and the air is too painful to breath, so she stops breathing. She stops breathing because Eli isn't opening his eyes, because he isn't smirking back at her. Clare's head is about to explode with the pressure, and she feels the paramedic letting go of her.

The last thing Clare sees is the cold, hard floor, and darkness engulfs her.


	17. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

**Author's note: I will post the epilogue on Wednesday. Had to choose between four different endings, and I hope you like the "winner." Thanks again for all your comments and support.  
><strong>

"_Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at.  
>Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at.<br>But now we'll never know."_

_**Call It Off | Tegan and Sara**_

"I'm fine, Alli. Really."

Clare closes her eyes and takes a sip from her coffee, feeling Alli's eyes piercing her. The sounds of the hospital are getting to Clare, making her paranoid as she waits to find out if Jake is doing all right.

If Eli is still alive.

Clare opens her eyes, her body feeling sore. She woke up at the hospital, nurses fussing over her, but she soon felt good enough to be discharged. Now she's waiting with the rest of them, hoping that Eli makes it through. The remaining members of Acuity are huddled in a corner, giving Clare the weirdest glances, and she continues to drink. It's all a complete mess, and she can't help but feel somewhat responsible for it.

"Thanks for coming," says Clare gratefully, and Alli squeezes her shoulder.

"No problem, Clare-bear," she smiles. "Glad to get out of the house… even if it's not in the best circumstances. And look at Sav, chatting up the woman who almost got you guys killed."

Holly J and Sav are talking in a secluded corner, and the editor seems quite pleased with the attention. Clare wonders if she's even worried about Jake.

"Where's my baby boy?"

Clare looks up just to see a harried-looking woman enter the ER, her hair a complete mess. A man with a terrible haircut who is wearing a Metallica shirt closely follows her, and Clare frowns.

"CeCe!" says Adam, waving his hand.

"Adam, where's Eli?" says CeCe hysterically. "Is he okay? What happened? Oh my lord, please tell me my baby boy is okay."

"Those are Eli's parents?" snorts Alli, and Clare glares at her.

"We're still waiting," sighs Adam sadly. "No news yet."

CeCe starts sobbing, and the man who is (presumably) Eli's father holds her tightly, muttering into her ear.

"Where's Imogen?" asks the man suddenly.

"She's being questioned by the police…" says Katie awkwardly as she holds Adam's hand. "It's a long story, Bullfrog."

"I would like to hear it," says Bullfrog, now looking angry. CeCe looks around, wiping her nose on her husband's jacket, and her eyes stop on Clare.

"You're Clare," she says loudly. "I've seen your picture. You're _his _Clare."

Clare jumps, shocked by the attention, and CeCe lets go of Bullfrog, walking over to Clare and hugging her. CeCe starts crying again and Clare, pats her on the back, word failing her.

"I don't want him to die," sobs CeCe. "He's my everything. Is Eli _your_ everything? He must be. Right?"

Clare gulps the sob that is threatening to escape her, and she just nods. Of course Eli is her everything; if he dies, Clare doesn't know how she will be able to go on. The thought is too much to bear, and she pushes it away at once.

The sound of high heels distracts her, and Clare sees Anya walking alongside a serious-looking doctor. "Chris," says Drew, sounding nervous. "How is he doing?"

Dr. Chris nods and gives them a little smile, and everybody starts cheering and hugging each other, tears of joy streaming down their faces. "He's okay," gasps Clare, and CeCe laughs, hugging her again and then letting go as she joins the other celebration.

"He's okay," repeats Clare, feeling lightheaded. Alli stands up and puts her arm around her, an encouraging smile appearing on her lips. The doctor continues to talk to them, and Clare wishes she could hear what he's saying, but she doesn't dare approach the group.

Adam breaks apart from them and walks over to Clare, his hands buried in his pockets.

"So," he says, clearing his throat. "He's doing fine. It will take him a few weeks to recover, which means he might miss finals… not that school is very important right now."

"Adam, I'm sorry," blurts Clare.

Adam shrugs as he scratches his chin, scoffing indifferently. "You did what you had to do," says Adam plainly. "You just messed us up in the process… you messed up my friend's heart as well."

"I-"

"I don't know what will happen," interrupts Adam. "If the article gets published, it will pretty much mean the end of Acuity. We've been around for 20 years, but you know, some things _do_ end."

Adam glances at Holly J, who is still busy talking to Sav. "Talked to Rosso a few hours ago," says Adam, his attention now back on Clare. "He pretty much took the 'come what may' attitude. We will be fine, even if we get in trouble. We stick together through thick and thin, and well, this will be a test for us."

"I wish I could fix everything," says Clare, as Alli moves away.

"It's fine," nods Adam. "You know what we do in Acuity… Eli told me he tried to lie to you, but yeah… I know how much Eli cares about you… it's up to him in the end, you know? But right now, I'd rather have you stay away. He deserves to be happy. And I'm just looking out for him."

Adam nods again and walks away with his arms crossed, quickly surrendering to Katie's embrace. Katie looks at Clare briefly, no emotion in her face at all. Bianca and Drew are not even looking their way, and Clare feels that it has more to do with Alli's presence than anything. Declan isn't here; he's at the police station taking care of Fiona. Clare doubts she will ever see him again. Zane is holding hands with a curly-haired boy, and they're talking excitedly about something.

The ER's doors open and Detective Gavin Mason walks through them, and Clare can't help but think he looks somewhat defeated. After all, Jake told her that Mason thought Eli was behind everything. And now he's been proven wrong.

"What now?" protests Zane.

"I'll need to question all of you," says Mason crossly. "And Goldsworthy when he's feeling better."

"How's Imogen?" asks Clare, much to the surprise of the other members of Acuity.

"I can't discuss details of the investigation with you," snaps Mason.

"You can with me, though," says Holly J, giving Sav a knowing smile as she walks over to the detective. "For the paper?"

"We'll arrange that later, Sinclair," says Mason impatiently.

"Can it wait until tomorrow?" complains Katie. "The questioning? We really want to make sure Eli is all right."

"Well…" starts Mason, and Zane lets go of the hand of his boyfriend.

"I'll go first," says Zane, smiling at them. "You guys stay here and keep me updated. We have nothing to hide after all."

"Our only crime is belonging to a stupid book club," pouts Bianca, glaring at Clare.

"Book club, right," says Holly J, narrowing her eyes.

"It is," says Clare suddenly. "That's all there is to it. It's just a book club, Holly J. So just back off!" Detective Mason scoffs again, but he merely walks out with the hospital as he escorts Zane and his boyfriend.

Holly J rolls her eyes at Clare. "Whatever," says Holly J, clutching the strap of her purse. "Call me when Jake wakes up, okay? Then we'll see who's telling the truth. I know he will tell me."

Clare glares after her, feeling infuriated at the editor's coldness.

"You didn't have to do that," says Adam in awe.

"You totally didn't have to," nods Bianca. "But thanks."

Clare wants to apologize all over again, but then a hand closes on her shoulder, and it's not Alli.

"He's awake," says Glen Martin, his eyes red. "If you want to see him."

"Yes, definitely," says Clare, and Alli takes her seat again next to Sav, who is now looking through some magazines.

"We're not going anywhere," smiles Alli, and Clare realizes that it feels good to have something that won't slip away.

**xxxxxxx**

"Hey."

Jake looks up and smiles at Clare, and she notices the cut lip. Jake looks terrible, but he's still smiling, and he beckons Clare to get closer.

"You're okay," says Jake with relief.

"Of course I am, are _you _okay?" asks Clare, reaching out for Jake's hand. He squeezes back, his mouth twitching in amusement, and he lets out a tired sigh.

"I'm sorry, Clare," he says. "I'm sorry for dragging you into this. I just want to let you know that I'm not writing the story."

"What?" blurts Clare. "Are you serious? After everything…"

"See, when I went back to my room after our fight…" Jake licks his lower lip, wincing in pain. "I listened to the recording. And I listened to more than I bargained for."

Clare blushes when she remembers everything that happened, all the words that were exchanged that night. Clare wonders how much Jake actually listened to, but his expression says everything.

"I destroyed the recording," continues Jake. "Mostly because I was pissed off about what happened between you two… but also because I realized something. The story would destroy Eli, and if I destroyed Eli… I would destroy you."

Clare feels her lip start to quiver, and Jake laughs, his thumb caressing her hand. "Clare, I love you," he says simply. "I would never want to hurt you, and if that means I have to give up on this story, I will. Sorry it took me so long to get the message."

"Does Holly J know?" asks Clare."I just saw her and-"

Jake shakes his head and lets go of Clare's hand as he tries to sit up. "Nah, I will wait," he says. "I almost died writing this shit. Maybe journalism isn't my calling after all."

They both laugh and Clare feels glad that Jake is taking this with his usual sense of humor. She likes this Jake better. This is the Jake she enjoys spending time with, the one she had a crush on… the Jake she's best friends with.

"I'm sorry for ruining… everything," says Clare apologetically. "I love you so much, we've been friends for so long, and I-"

"We'll work on it," says Jake calmly. "We'll repair our friendship, okay?"

"At least one thing to look forward to," squeaks Clare, and despair overwhelms her.

"What do you mean?" frowns Jake.

"Eli will never forgive me," says Clare inconsolably.

"You don't know that…" says Jake uncomfortably, and Clare feels bad from bringing it up. "The dude literally jumped in front of a bullet to save you. He loves you, Clare. Just give him time and he'll probably come around, okay?"

Clare says nothing and she presses her lips against Jake's forehead, his skin feeling warm against her lips.

"Thanks," says Clare, and Jake nods.

"Can't believe that girl, Imogen, sent the letter," says Jake. "She wanted to come clean so bad, huh? I hope she's okay and that the police will be fair to her. She was blackmailed and threatened after all... but she was pretty badass at the end, don't you think?"

Clare nods, and approaching footsteps make her turn around.

"Eli is awake," says Adam from the doorway, giving Jake a dirty look. "We're all going over there to say hi… the plus side of having Anya date one of the doctors." Adam leaves quickly, not giving Clare a chance to say a word.

Clare glances at Jake and he pouts mockingly, and then waves his hand dismissively. "Go," says Jake, closing his eyes. "I want to sleep anyway."

"I'll come back," says Clare sincerely. "I'll bake you some of those brownies you like so much."

Jake grins at her, but there is a hint of sadness in his smile. Clare feel guilty because she knows that it's hurting him to see her leave, especially because she's about to see Eli. But Jake continues to grin, and insists that she should leave.

"I'll be waiting."

**xxxxxxx**

Every single step feels like a burden; every time he gets closer to the room the dread gets worse. What is she even going to say to him?

_Thanks for saving my life, even though I almost ruined yours? Can you please forgive me and pretend this didn't happen? I love you? _

Clare finds the room, and laughter is emerging from it. She stands at the doorway and freezes, feeling left out at once.

People are surrounding Eli, talking excitedly and exchanging words of relief. Eli is smiling weakly at all of them, and Clare doesn't want to interrupt the moment. CeCe keeps kissing him on the forehead, a smile on her lips. Bullfrog is laughing and Adam and Katie are chuckling, Bianca and Drew have smiles on their faces. They're a family, Fiona was right.

And it hits Clare; she has to let go of Eli. She has no place in his life anymore.

She loves Eli, and she knows that she will never love anyone like she loves him. But Clare also knows that she messed up, that she lied to him when everything Eli did was open up to her. Perhaps someday she will be worthy of his forgiveness.

Not now.

Eli looks around and his eyes lock with Clare's, and his smile disappears. The rest of the group is still chatting away, oblivious to Clare's presence, and Clare hears Imogen and Fiona's names being mentioned here and there. But Eli and Clare are in their own little world as they look at each other, their looks saying more than words could possibly express.

"I'm sorry," mouths Clare, tears already forming in her eyes. Eli blinks, his lips pursed, nothing but sadness in his expression. She has wounded him in more ways than one, and Clare realizes that they're not meant to be. She desperately wants to be with Eli, but he will never forgive her. And even if he does, she doesn't deserve him.

Adam is right; Eli deserves happiness. Eli's ordeal is far from over; police will question him about Fiona and Imogen, maybe about Acuity. If the school ever finds out about the real purpose of Acuity, the members will most likely be expelled. Clare might be expelled too... who knows? Yeah, the aftermath of what happened isn't over yet. But the relationship between Eli and Clare surely is.

Clare gives Eli a last look, and removes her hand from the doorway as she takes a few steps back. She walks away fast, wrapping her arms around herself as she passes by the nursing station, as she passes by the very concerned-looking Bhandari siblings. Clare hears Alli call her name, but she just wants to leave the hospital before she breaks down in front of everybody.

She has to leave now, or her heart won't be able to handle it. Clare wants to laugh at the irony of Eli's nickname in Acuity, because it's so fitting to their relationship right now. Because she knows now that, in the words of Dorothy Parker, their love _is _like quicksilver.

_Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away._

But the thing is, it was never meant to stay.


	18. Epilogue: Always

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. Thanks, marieloveseclare, for brainstorming with me for this story. Without you, Quicksilver would have never happened. **

**Author's note: This is it! Gosh, this is tremendously bittersweet. Thank you for reading my stories from the very beginning. It's going to be weird not writing fanfiction anymore, I will miss it. But keep in touch! Tumblr and Twitter links are on my profile. **

**Special thanks to musiksnob for being a constant source of inspiration and for writing the best Eclare fics ever. Your writing has always challenged me to be a better writer, can't thank you enough. **

_**Epilogue dedicated to those who have been reading since "The Missing Piece." You know who you are.**_

"_It was always you, falling for me. Now it's always time, calling for me. I am the light blinking at the end of the road, blink back to let me know."_

_**Always | Panic! At The Disco **_

**Weeks later**

"Make sure you hand in your final essays after the test," says Miss Dawes, placing the test on Clare's desk. "I enjoyed working with all of you, even if we lost a couple students during the semester."

Something stabs Clare's heart as she glances at Eli's empty seat; he dropped out, needing time to recover. At least this is what Adam told her.

And Wesley's seat is also vacant, which makes Clare's heart feel even heavier. They found Wesley's body not too long after Fiona was arrested, causing students all over campus to start a memorial.

Now the Sadie Rowland, Dave Turner and Wesley Betenkamp have a memorial just outside the Smith Building. It's weird, seeing their names there, especially when Clare knows why they died.

Well, _everybody_ knows, sort of.

The purpose of Acuity is still a secret; Jake didn't write the article after all. The "book club" was the official version for the constant meetings between the groups. Holly J freaked out and then she had to resign after it was discovered that she was having an affair with Detective Mason. It was quite the scandal, and students are still talking about it.

Clare starts answering the essay questions, but her mind is a mess. She keeps thinking of Imogen, who struck a deal with the prosecution, and was only sentenced to community service in exchange for her testimony. She has talked to Clare a few times on the phone, and Clare is glad to know that Imogen is looking forward to come back next semester.

But they never talk about _him._

Adam and Katie have dropped a few hints, of course. Adam keeps saying that Eli is the most stubborn man he has ever met, while Katie says that Clare should reach out first. Clare usually sits and eats her lunch quietly, because if she speaks, she might just start sobbing.

Yeah, she's a complete mess. Because she misses Eli terribly.

Alli and Jake have done their best to cheer her up; Jake's antics with his crutches have brought a smile to Clare's face, but it's not enough.

She decides to stop thinking about Eli and focuses on her test, the answers flowing easily. It doesn't take her long until she's finally done, and she walks over to Miss Dawes desk, handing her the test.

"Thanks, Miss Edwards," says Miss Dawes brightly. "Such a pleasure teaching you this semester."

Clare smiles weakly and looks through her backpack, finding her essay. She looks at the cover with a heavy heart; only her name is on it. It's the essay she was supposed to hand in with Eli, the one they worked on whenever they weren't all over each other, but...

"Oh, I already have your essay," winks Miss Dawes. "Mr. Goldsworthy sent it to me last night. Excellent job, I must say."

"Eli dropped the class," blurts Clare, and Miss Dawes frowns.

"Not mine," she smiles knowingly. "He worked from home, and sent me the final essay with your names on it. You're free to go."

Clare shoves her essay back into her backpack confusedly; she knows Eli had her notes but she never expected him to finish the entire thing. Without telling her, that is. Not even an email.

He really wants nothing to do with her, it seems.

**xxxxxxx**

Anya is happily typing away while people in the newsroom are yelling at each other; chaos greets Clare as soon as she walks in.

Chaos is everywhere.

"Hey!" smiles Anya, her eyes not leaving the screen. "He's in the office."

"Thanks," says Clare uneasily. She knows that she will never be able to completely like Anya, although the journalist did nothing wrong. She was just looking out for Acuity, but she robbed Clare of her "confession moment." And the damage that was caused by that, well, it still makes Clare feel slightly resentful towards Anya.

Clare opens the door to the editor's office, and her lips part in shock.

"Clare Edwards!" squeals Imogen, flinging her arms around Clare's neck and hugging her tightly.

"Imogen, what are you doing here?" asks Clare in delight as Imogen lets go. She's wearing a bright red dress with neon blue tights; her cat ears are a blinding green color.

"Had to go to the registrar's office," beams Imogen. "Decided to stop by and talk to the lovely gentleman in plaid."

"That's me!" says Jake cheerfully from behind the desk.

"And to see _you _of course," adds Imogen as an afterthought. "I just wanted to thank Jake directly for not writing the article... our conversations on Facerange seem too impersonal. I mean, winky faces are cute but-"

"Well," coughs Jake, reaching for one of his crutches, trying to stand up.

"Did he give you a hard time?" asks Clare, placing her hand on Imogen's shoulder. "He's the editor now, he's even more arrogant."

"Hey, hey, I don't appreciate all this," says Jake as he limps over to them. "You girls better simmer down!"

"_Simmer down_?" ask Clare and Imogen at the same time.

"My dad says that all the time," shrugs Jake. He gives Imogen a weird look, and then both of them look at Clare, smiling shrewdly at her.

"Yes?" frowns Clare.

"Nothing," says Jake shaking his head.

"Nope, nothing," grins Imogen. "So, hey! I'll be back next semester! I'll still have to do some community service hours, but I'll be back full-time. And I know Acuity meetings have been on hiatus, but we should be able to-"

Imogen stops ranting and her face falls. "I mean, I don't know if you're still considered a member... you did break the rules. Declan is not considered a member anymore, but you know, he just retired from the group. He is so ashamed of what happened with Fiona… poor Declan."

"I know," says Clare, and the cheerful mood in the room is gone.

"We can still hang out!" says Imogen brightly. "We should go to the movies, or the park, or feed ducks! I'll bring this cutie-pie as my date." She winks at Jake, who nervously clears his throat again, but he looks delighted all the same.

"Oh, I see what's going on," teases Clare, and she had never seen Jake blush like that.

"Don't you have stuff to do?" asks Jake impatiently, and Clare can't help but laugh. Imogen seems a little uncomfortable as she looks at Clare, her eyes wider than ever.

"Are you ready for the trial?" asks Imogen cautiously, her smile fading away. "It's going to be so intense. I hear that Fiona's lawyers want to plea insanity."

"Of course," scoffs Jake, and Clare leans against the doorway.

"I'm not ready at all," sighs Clare. "The evidence is right there, though. And Fiona can try to buy her way out of this but… our testimony will be stronger. And hopefully this will bring closure to everyone involved."

Clare's eyes meet with Imogen's, both knowing that Clare is mostly referring to Eli.

"I have to go to the bookstore and talk to Peter about my new availability," says Clare, and Jake smiles at her. Imogen gives her another hug and they say their goodbyes, and Clare closes the door behind her.

People are still yelling at each other while Anya calmly goes over an article with a writer, and Clare sighs. everyone seems so immersed in their own little world, a world with no issues or heartache.

The world seems so normal, it keeps going on, but Clare doesn't feel normal at all.

**xxxxxxx**

The courtyard is deserted when she leaves the bookstore, and she's grateful for this. Talking to Peter is always good, and he seemed to be okay with her new availability. Clare is taking six classes next semester, she wants to graduate as soon as possible. TU used to be her safe place, but now everything reminds her of Eli, and he hurts.

"Wow, when did I become so dramatic?" mutters Clare to herself.

The snow is soft underneath her boots and Clare is tempted to build a snowman here and now, anything to distract her from the sorrow that is starting to build inside her. Seeing Jake and Imogen smiling at each other brought back memories, the good ones, and somehow those hurt the most. Clare blinks and wipes the snowflakes away from her face, and then she realizes she must be dreaming.

Because Eli Goldsworthy is standing underneath one of the lampposts, reading a book. What is he doing here? Why is he reading a book outside, in this weather?

"Eli?" croaks Clare, not expecting him to hear her.

But when Eli looks at her, he seems upset. He closes the book he's reading and starts walking away, but Clare can't let him go. Not like this, not when he's so close.

"Wait!" calls Clare, and Eli stops walking.

"You turned in the essay," says Clare, wanting to kick herself for those words. She hasn't seen him in weeks, and the first thing she brings up is school.

"Only class I didn't drop," says Eli coldly. "The essay was a vital part of our final grade, so... I'm responsible, you know?"

"What are you doing here?" asks Clare, willing to say anything to keep talking to him. "Reading outside? You could be inside one of the halls and-"

"So, suddenly you're concerned about my well-being?" snorts Eli. "What a wonderful turn of events. What a fucking wonderful thing. I'm waiting for Imogen, thank you very much. She's somewhere around campus having coffee with Jake. Enough?"

He sounds angry, and Clare takes a step back.

"I-"

"You left the hospital, not a word, nothing!" yells Eli as a student walks by, glaring at them. "I waited, Clare. Waited for you to call or something. You never did."

"I thought it was for the best," whispers Clare. "I thought you hated me and wanted nothing to do with me."

"Hate you?" snaps Eli. "I could never… Fuck, how could I hate you? I was in love with you!"

_Was?_

Eli seems to realize what he said, because he covers his mouth with his hand and shakes his head. He removes his hand from his lips and sighs, trying to even his breath.

"You disappeared that night," says Eli angrily. "What did you want me to do? Come after you?"

"I just want you to forgive me!" cries Clare, glad that most students are hiding from the cold, not witnessing this fight that is threatening to make her fall apart all over again.

"Oh, you're not asking for too much then," says Eli sarcastically, his trademark smirk reappearing on his lips.

The silence is heavy, and it hurts. Clare shivers as she hides her gloved hands in the pockets of her coat, realizing that the weeks that they spent apart didn't help at all. Everything seems more final now… he will never forgive her.

"I never meant to hurt you," says Clare, her eyes fixed on the ground. Everything feels cold, but it's not the weather anymore. It's something else, and Clare can't change a thing.

Eli looks at her, his hair getting messier and messier as he attempts to remove the snowflakes from it. Clare wishes he would talk to her, but he's as silent as ever.

She deserves it.

"I'm not ready for this," says Eli pensively. "The trial, having to testify… none of it. And I'm especially not ready to let go of you."

Clare says nothing, because she doesn't want to believe that Eli just said that. About not letting go.

"This isn't about forgiveness, Clare," says Eli, his green eyes darkened by the lack of sunlight. "I'm just upset. Because you made me believe in forever again and then, well, you ruined that. It was as if you were never mine and that drove me insane."

"Eli, I was yours from the moment we first kissed," says Clare, not daring to move. "I wish you could see that. I fought like hell against it, I didn't want to fall for you... but I did. And I don't regret that."

Eli shrugs, and the wall is right there, teasing Clare. It's over. It's definitely over. Clare makes an attempt to start walking away before the tears start, but Eli clears his throat to speak.

"You never told Jake... you never told him what Acuity is all about," says Eli calmly. "He bugged you and all, but... _you_ never told him."

"How do you know this?" asks Clare curiously.

"Jake told me," says Eli nonchalantly, and Clare raises her eyebrows at him. "Imogen insisted we should go to the newsroom and _thank _him for not writing the article. We ended up talking for a while. He told he was pushy, that he manipulated you... And I know you did things you didn't want to do."

Clare is surprised; after all, Jake and Imogen didn't say a word during Clare's brief visit to the newsroom. They were just standing there, with cryptic smiles on their faces, and it all makes sense. They knew Eli was on campus.

"Why didn't you tell him?" asks Eli, toying with the zipper of his jacket.

"Because I cared about you," admits Clare. "Because... I love you. And I already felt guilty enough about handing in your names... I just wanted to make up for it. It all backfired on me."

"It did," says Eli pragmatically. "When Anya called me that night, after we... you know... And told me that you had been working with Jake all along, I lost it. God, Clare, you have no idea how much that hurt. But now I know what really happened. Jake told me everything."

Eli smirks and Clare feels her heart get lighter; maybe not all hope is lost. Maybe they can attempt to be friends. Maybe.

"I know you just want to hear these words, so... I forgive you," says Eli, wrinkling his nose. "I feel so stupid and conceited saying that, but Jake told me how you've been stressing over this. I don't resent you, Clare. I don't hate you. Far from that… I love you."

Emotions overwhelm Clare, and she can't look at him anymore. She looks at the ground instead, trying to fight back the tears. But she can't.

"I feel like I will never be able to apologize enough," mumbles Clare, and her warm tears start burning down her cheeks. Eli takes a few steps, moving closer to her, and wipes her tears away with his sleeve.

"We have all paid our dues," continues Eli. "I'm sorry I alienated myself from you during these past weeks. I had a lot of thinking to do."

"Understandable," laughs Clare, sniffling. "I want you in my life, Eli. That's all."

"Same here, Edwards," grins Eli. "Who else am I going to discuss books with? It drove me insane trying to convince people to read Palahniuk this semester. Nobody understands him like we do."

Both of them laugh as the sun starts setting, and chilly wind is now causing havoc on Clare's skin. "It's cold," she mentions shyly.

"Yeah," says Eli, scratching the back of his own neck nervously. "So... we have a meeting tonight. It's Acuity's end-of-the-semester meeting, that's why I'm on campus. We plan all the stuff for the next year, we eat and we talk. We'll probably discuss what we're going to do during Fiona's trial as well."

Eli pulls out a card from his pocket and hands it to Clare, their gloved fingers brushing for an instant. Even though their skin is not touching directly, it's enough to send jolts of electricity through Clare's body.

"Weekes Hall?" frowns Clare. "Never heard of this building."

"We can no longer use Wilson Hall," says Eli. "Meeting starts at 9. You'll figure out where it's located... you're pretty smart after all."

"Does this mean I'm still in Acuity?" asks Clare, pocketing the card.

"Obviously," says Eli mockingly, rolling his eyes. " And maybe after the meeting we can... talk. Talk more, and yell at each other again. Sounds fun, eh?"

They smile at each other and Clare feels happy; they can start all over again somehow. And although this is not the romantic, passionate reunion she pictured so many times, it's good enough.

"Don't get lost," says Eli, his smirk making Clare swoon, and he turns around to walk away. But then he stops, just standing there as he stares into the now-looming darkness, and he turns to look at Clare.

"Hold on," he says, and before Clare knows it, Eli's arms are tightly wrapped around her. Clare looks into Eli's eyes, feels his warm breath washing over her lips, and Clare slowly places her arms around Eli's neck.

"What are you doing?" breathes Clare.

"Are you serious, Edwards?" mocks Eli, and kisses her.

Clare's heart is exploding as their lips move faster and faster, their breaths mixed, their bodies glued to each other. She can't help but emit a low whimper when Eli deepens the kiss, his tongue knowingly battling hers. It all feels familiar, but it all feels foreign at the same time.

It feels just right.

Eli stops kissing her, slowly pulling away, a mixture of fear and happiness shining in his eyes. He lovingly tucks one of Clare's curls behind her ear, his thumb grazing her cold cheek.

"See you tonight, Paragon?" he asks hoarsely.

And as they stand in the middle of the courtyard, Clare knows that helping Jake was the best decision she has ever made so far. She remembers the first time she actually "talked" to Eli; when Clare went to look for him at his dorm. How distant and arrogant Eli had been back then, how much Clare thought she hated him. Yes, their relationship has always been sort of unpredictable; to quote Imogen: _mercurial_.

Clare smiles at Eli, and places a soft kiss on his lips before answering. And when she does, Eli smirks at her, obviously knowing that Clare is echoing the first real conversation they had.

"Guess you will, Quicksilver."


End file.
